AIBU to ask is there life after London?

[poppingshop1]

I know there is, but is it a good one?

DH & I are true Londoners & live in a lovely part of SW London that I grew up in. We have a lovely life, mum around the corner, excellent school which DC1 attends around the other corner, lovely neighbours, etc. BUT we are starting to think we should leave. 90% of our childhood friends have moved out to either zone 5/6 or the home counties. 3 of my close friends (met through NCT) who live nearby have all decided to leave & told me this week.

We want more space (property is 1300 sq ft) which we can’t afford unless we move to other parts of London (don’t really see the point) & husband is finding the tube more & more stressful. Plus the general hustle & bustle is starting to grate.

However the idea of moving to the suburbs terrify me (don’t mean to offend), worried I will be bored/lonely & DH might struggle with the commute as he’s used to 30 mins door to door. I’d prefer to live in a 3/4 bed terrace close to amenities than a 6 bed detached in the middle of nowhere.

My 3 NCT friends are moving to other cities (Bristol, Edinburgh & Bath) & I’m starting to think that moving to another city could be a great option.

I’m lucky that I freelance so 90% of my work is wfh. DH would obviously earn less working in another city but still plenty of finance jobs around at the 70k mark and as we have at least 500k equity our cost of living would ideally be lower, I feel we might have a better quality of life. My mum is likely to move to be closer to us (she’s an immigrant, so no other family here).

Has anyone moved from London to other cities? Did you regret it? How hard did you find it settle? Where would you go?

If you decide to move out of London, choose your new location carefully.

DH and I moved from London to a small, rural market town in the Home Counties over a decade ago. We still live here. The town is very pretty, it is safe, the streets are clean and the people are very friendly.

However I do miss some of the facilities that London offers, i.e. the art galleries, museums, the markets, the landmark buildings, the architectural richness, the general vibrancy and the ethnic mix of people.

If you move to a small community and you are the sort of person who likes doing a lot of social and cultural things, do not expect local people to be as enthusiastic about your interests as you are, especially if you have niche interests like me.

A lot of the local people where we live like to live quiet lives. Yes, of course local people have friends, hobbies and interests but their social life usually takes place within the village limits. And if your new town/village doesn't offer a lot of opportunities for the sort of entertainment you enjoy you're stuck. Do not expect people to come with you if you fancied going back to London for the day (seeing a show, an exhibition, visiting an art gallery, shopping, sightseeing, etc). Do not expect them to travel with you if you're going to a gig or an event in a larger town, even if that town is no more than 1 hour away.

That is my experience. I'm on my own if I want to venture out of the village and do things. It can feel lonely sometimes.
Small towns are very friendly indeed but they are not always as social as one would expect.

I am really, really struggling to find anything offensive in the OP's post. .

One thing to consider, OP, is outside of London the public transport is dire, by comparison. You'll spend far more time in your car, especially as the kids get older and want ferrying around. You'll find yourself memorising the fictional bus timetable, rather than just waiting for the next one in a couple of minutes, and remember there is no tube or overground.

Try before you buy, if you can. Put your house up for rental and move out, at least that way you can return reasonably easily if you wish.

"London is like the Capitol in the hunger games, stealing wealth and focus from everywhere else, full of people who can't see past the end of their nose"

So much easier to hate a group of dehumanised people (those evil "Londoners") rather than try and develop an actual intellectual, political and economic argument that analyses geographical and sector under-investment and underfunding, and then agitate to do something about it.

Far better to sit at a keyboard and rant about a city and a collection of people.

A collection of people, incidentally, who come from all over the world, have wildly varying economic and political situations - but who consistently vote for governments that would remedy the geographical under-investment. A group of people who - as a group - cherish political openness and tolerance as a positive value and manage, by and large, to recognise and embrace difference (rather than homogenisation) as a fact of life and a positive thing.

Ilikecakes thanks for the insight, will try & visit soon.

PricillaQueenOfTheDesert fab, that’s the sort of posts I want to hear.

Good points re Brexit & jobs.

what about is there life outside of London , I know there is but is it a good one YetAnotherSpartacus?

Laurie it depends what you are into. I much prefer regional theatre, yes it is a smaller scale but there are some absolutely fantastic companies working out of Leeds, Manchester, Sheffield etc. I would prioritise something like the musical "Everybody's Talking About Jamie" which was developed in Sheffield or something developed and workshopped in Royal Exchange's studios in Manchester than a grand scale production in the West End or even something at the National starring Sienna Miller or some other lame big-name draw. I'm planning on seeing Hamilton when I'm in London for work in January but apart from that the theatre and dance up where I'm living now is absolutely satisfactory and fulfilling. Look up Hope Mill, Sheffield Crucible etc, Edinburgh theatres

That's really interesting cat, as I've found the opposite: I found it far easier getting to know work colleagues in London, in all my different workplaces, than outside. I'd put it down to the fact that most weren't originally from London, having moved for work, and so were keen to make new friends. Also it was far easier to socialise after work with so much to do literally on the doorstep, and easier options to get home afterwards etc. By contrast, when I worked anywhere else, I tended to find colleagues who didn't socialise much together, sticking instead with their existing local friends.'

@Lauriemarlow
Me! My kids know most of the rooms in the British museum, they have favourite museums and galleries, they go to the theatre with us and with school, hey have performed at the Festival Hall, Globe theatre etc (they aren’t in a drama club, that’s a state primary school ), they’ve worked with Rambert Dance and the Globe theatre and the National Theatre.

Almost all of that has been free. It’s priceless - some of it you could get I. Leeds and Birmingham and Glasgow and many other cities though, I know, I’m not from London

If by culture you include sports and such they have a bmx Park and a skate Park in the doorstep, both free. And a cinema charging £5 a ticket 400metres away.

They are culture vultures. They always will be, London has done that for them. You can take he kids out of London but you a nt take London out of the kids...

"Why does London divide opinion so much, and so strongly?"

I think for a number of reasons. It's a difficult city to be in if you don't know it - it's busy, bustling and hard to read for someone who doesn't already know it. Londoners are actually really friendly people who will talk your legs off given the right opportunity, but they're also often in high-pressure, long-hour jobs with long commutes. So they rush everywhere - it's one of the fastest cities in the world (faster, I think, than NYC)! - and they expect you to keep up, or at least not to get in the bloody way if you are lost. A lot of people confuse their own bewilderment at the speed and scale of the capital, and their inability to understand its geography, with the capital being unfriendly. Just because someone rushes past you doesn't mean the dislike you, just that they are in a rush!

I now live outside London in a northern city. All the inhabitants of the city proclaim how friendly it is, but it's actually loads less friendly than London - because people confuse being direct (sometimes downright rude) with being open and friendly. It's never been a place where anything is sold and there isn't that gift of the gab, or that salesmanlike charm that the capital has in abundance. But, on the upside, there is kindness under the rough exterior and there is a lot of honesty too in terms of treating others fairly and not ripping them off, the latter being something that is often lacking in London.

Saying that London has some of the best art and culture on earth and that other cities can't rival it is not dissing other cities. There's loads of great stuff happening all over the country - but the focus and intensity of it in London is greater. I can't see how that is really deniable.

No there’s not. I thought I’d be living the rural dream, instead I feel buried alive.

Mud, endless talk of shooting/hunting, pitch black from 4:30pm, constant reminders I’m “not from these parts”, 3 hours driving a day to get DC to school, school friends hours drive away. Village shop just shut so nearest now 15 mins drive away.

Don’t leave London!

... and I'm not saying other places don't do that.

I know they do.

It's just that I find that comment really depressing in that it seeks to dehumanise the occupants of a very large city.

That's horrible. And a bit frightening, actually.

So much hate.

Catfromjapan must be hard having absolutely zero sense of humour.

If you like Bristol and Birmingham OP you might be better advised to start specific threads asking for tips about moving to both. I don't know either city so can't help, but there are probably people who've not seen this who would be able to give lots of useful advice about suitable areas of Bristol for your price range etc.

You'll find yourself memorising the fictional bus timetable, rather than just waiting for the next one in a couple of minutes, and remember there is no tube or overground.

Except in the places where there are overgrounds and extremely busy bus routes, obv.

Honestly, these generalisations are daft. It is good advice to check out the public transport situation anywhere before moving, but your advice is hardly likely to be salient if OP ends up moving to eg East Didsbury.

I grew up in London (not a nice bit though, not many ‘gallery openings’ lol grin])

I moved away 14 years ago and live in Glasgow. I love it because

• art and culture aren’t so dominated by a wealthy elite like London.

• Its a working class city. People still live wage to wage and for Saturday nights and that brings with a certain hedonism.

-it’s not so crowded - you can be in glorious countryside in 20 mind, you can be climbing a mountain on a Sunday morning before lunch.

• Great and affordable restaurants, fab parks, beautiful architecture.

I could not live in London ever again

MissSueFlay Ealing is nice, had a friend who lived there a few years ago.

No one's saying that. The difference is scale

Actually the person I responded to said precisely that. she said don't leave London if you like museums and culture.

Surely the thing to do is to sit down and think about what things might be London-specific and what London-specific things are important to you.

For some people that might be opera. Dd never wants to move out of London because her greatest interest in life is the theatre: she wants to be able to see several shows a week, from top shows to drama school show cases. I otoh could happily live anywhere as long as there's a decent library: so any major university town would do. Other people require easy access to some particular sports facility or to the great outdoors. It's not about what GeneralPerson needs to be happy; it's what you need.

It is not, however, the case that you have to drive as soon as you move out of London: in many places you can get along fine as long as you take transport into account when you decide where to buy.

@whiskyowl

Really interesting. Thank you. Honestly I'm absolutely fascinated by this discussion.

I've never been to London, and before reading this would have assumed it was much like anywhere else... but it appears not!

Accusing someone you've been rude to of " having no sense of humour" is rather a classic isn't it? Never met anyone pleasant who does that.

So because you have moved from london to some rural area Cannotwillnot yu assume everywhere ouside of london has shooting ,hunting and hours to drive anywhere , I live in Bolton beleive it or not we have 24 hr supermarkets schools on our door stops , corner shops that you can walk too you are comparing to complere opposites.

Life can be very much more rich and relaxing if one doesn't take things personally.

The OP is asking a question relating to her own personal circumstances. One can choose not to see that as an attack on one's own life and choices and would indeed be much the happier for doing so.

Or wot cat said.

Laurie it depends what you are into. I much prefer regional theatre, yes it is a smaller scale but there are some absolutely fantastic companies working out of Leeds, Manchester, Sheffield etc. I would prioritise something like the musical "Everybody's Talking About Jamie" which was developed in Sheffield or something developed and workshopped in Royal Exchange's studios in Manchester than a grand scale production in the West End or even something at the National starring Sienna Miller or some other lame big-name draw. I'm planning on seeing Hamilton when I'm in London for work in January but apart from that the theatre and dance up where I'm living now is absolutely satisfactory and fulfilling. Look up Hope Mill, Sheffield Crucible etc, Edinburgh theatres

And London has a huge, thriving 'off west end' scene too. It's very far from being all big name musicals. I'm not denying there's good theatre in other cities, but to reiterate the point, the difference is scale. There will be many, many more productions going on in London, that's just a fact. And that comes down to its size and the fact that it's a global hub for performing arts.

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