To have completely just lost my shit and spirit of Christmas?

[Rangelife]

I'm walking across an icy, freezing northern city after rushing into Sainsbury's to buy a shifty secret santa present for work.

A bastard glass hot chocolate snowman kit for a fiver. I'm trying to simultaneously shove the thing into a shitty gift bag, whilst tying the ribbon and ripping off the stupid plastic hanger thing and screaming in my head 'I'm sick of this shit!'

I don't even know the woman I've bought for and I was ill yesterday so missed the food and secret santa swap. AIBU to think this isn't what it's meant to be like?

I want to be a child again. Please regale me with your Christmas meltdowns so I don't feels so irritated with the festive season. Please.

Same here Bit - to the point where DS2 has started asking 'what's the matter' with every heave and sigh and gets a dramatic 'nothing' in replay. Talk about role reversal!

I’ve told this story before, but I lost my shit in a rather spectacular fashion on the day after Boxing Day, a couple of years ago.

I am pretty organised, and had a menu for the main meals - roast goose on Christmas Day, cold gammon and baked potatoes on Boxing Day, and then, on th 27th, the leftover goose shredded and mixed with honey, soy sauce and five spice, then dry fried until sticky, with rice.

When I went to get the leftover goose out of the fridge on the 27th, half of it was gone (and there had only been just enoug - you don’t get a lot of meat on a goose, but it will just about stretch to 2 meals for the family). Turned out ds2 (aged 29, so old enough to know better) had had a delicious cold roast goose sandwich for his lunch!!

I lost the plot. There were tears, sweary words, shouting and snot. Dh had to come and ply me with Baileys, and park me in front of the tv, whilst he sorted out dinner - which wasn’t hard - we had plenty of salad stuff, some left over goose, and some of the previous day’s gammon left too - more than enough to make a lovely meal. But my Plan was broken, and so was I!

It has gone into family legend - I am sure that, a decade or more hence, the dses will be joking about having roast goose sandwiches for lunch, whilst staying out of my reach!

I’ve had as much as I can handle. H’s business is in bother at the moment (not entirely unusual for the time of year but made worse because it’s been crawling out of the gutter for a few years thanks to previouslybeing run by a frivolous and selfish manager) and it has bills that need to be paid (to the big companies) before NY. The problem also is that people just stop paying HIM (his customers) before NY. I took out a bank loan to get us through the Christmas period for presents and to pay bills and see us into January. Stupidly I told H and so I had to hand it over to the business. He then made me take out a second one to see if he could get more for the business. So then I tried again for a 3rd one which I was going to use for the kids as I had originally intended and was totally relying on it, and it looked to be going through but I’ve found out that it’s been rejected at the final stages. I’m totally devastated because now I have nothing for the kids. The loans don’t worry me as such because I’ve been told I’ll get it back the end of next year when things pick up and the business will pay the monthly payments , but for now I’m in bits about what I’m going to do for Christmas. I feel annoyed I mentioned it to H I’ve let the kids down big time. I’ve never felt so bad and angry. I just wish it could all be over. I really hate myself so much. I’m a stupid worthless human being and a terrible mother. I don’t even deserve to be alive let alone have kids.

This year feels like it is all just happening around me, and I am just existing in it.

I miss the Christmases I had growing up. A busy house full of people, roast on the go, everyone laughing.

This year I am going to wake up on my own and go to exH house to see the kids as its his contact days. Then come home to my empty house.

Gutted.

Fedup we never have a lot of money for Christmas. Buy the kids one small thing they want each. They'll be happy.

Zaphod - lick the tape reel to find the end. Sounds stupid (and you look like a right eejit) but your tongue is far more sensitive than scrabbly fingernails.

Whatchamacallit - our family did this for years. After dinner on Christmas Day or Boxing Day (depending on which day we were all together) we had the equivalent of a tombola, think sticking numbers on the presents and picking a number out of a hat. The presents were a mix of practical - boxes of chocolates, sets of glasses etc - and joke - wind up grannies on Zimmer frames etc.

The more people there the better. Present were bought 'by' children and we always engineered they would receive a present bought specifically for them. Usually this was done by picking the numbers in age order.

The agreement in the family was that, apart from buying presents for children, the only presents bought were the £5.00 (that was the original spending limit) ones. Much better than spending loads of money on stuff that nobody wants. And there was always the opportunity for swapping presents without anyone being offended.

FedUp have you got any kind of written agreement re you loaning the business money? And the expected date of repayment?

That would concern me more than Christmas tbh, but I totally see why you are annoyed about the lack of presents.

Sorry Molly

Do you have friends you could invite over? Or could you plan a lovely indulgent afternoon for when you get back home after seeing the DC?

I've done the Christmas afternoons by myself after the DC have gone with ex-H, but made sure I had some champagne, exactly what I wanted to eat and a good film on the planner all ready. Oh... and I ate my body weight in Quality Street

Thanks Evil. I’ll have to do something but I’m absolutely wracked with guilt right now.

Adora, I just have H’s word for it. “One day”. He’s been brilliant bringing the business back out of the gutter for 5 long years now, and I know in paper it looks good, but I am completely at the end of the line with how we are living. I’ve put on a phenomenal amount of weight through stress and I hate my life. Hate it.

Kanye - thank you! I shall try that when I wrap the next tranche of presents (if I can even FIND the sellotape this time...)

I think a bad Christmas a couple of years ago was the beginning of the end of my marriage. I was really sick Xmas Eve and had to eat because exH was annoyed I wasn't "helping myself" - which made me more sick. I hosted in-laws Xmas day feeling shit. Ex was sick Boxing Day and I have to admit I wasn't very compassionate which I felt ashamed about afterwards. He was miserably ill.

But... This is my second year since separation and I think it'll be lovely. Tree decorated, DC excited. Have given myself permission to be a little glum on the days DC are away. But only a little bit...i will buy myself some fancy chocs and wine as a present to myself. This year if I wallow it will be brief and in comfort!

It's hard not to feel anxiety when bombarded with big family Christmas stories everywhere. I even found myself envying people with family dramas. It's daft, it'll be a lovely holiday with my DC. I'm waaay too calm! It'll probably all go wrong!

Can't believe you were pickpocketed OP!! How unlucky.

I don't do Christmas for myself any more as it's not part of my beliefs but I do it for my youngest who thankfully is very easy to please. however when I was pg with her 4 years ago her 3 elder sibling were all still very in to xmas & my dad invited himself for the big day. on top of that my in-laws decided to visit on the 23rd only telling us the night before. Well they came & visited for 3 hrs but about 30 mins before leaving gave each of the kids a whole selection box each & then said 'oh we're going 2 make a move in a minute. All the while I'm sick as a dog & on crutches.
Later that day I had to do the xmas food shop with 3 very hyper children which ended up with me falling over in the car park at asda & I just sat there and cried. Dh gets a call at work about his hysterical wife & bless him came 2 the rescue.
That was the last time I tried 2 make xmas perfect & Dh has installed a no Visitor policy on the 23rd-26th & my dad has to let us know his dinner plans by the 15th.
x

Molly it's tough.
I was on a thread last Xmas for others in similar position and it was great to dip in and out. Hope it goes ok.

I already lost my shit with DH in November when he smugly announced ‘Xmas starts too early. I won’t be thinking about it until December 1st.’

I actually love Christmas and the run up, but this rang a bell - my DH is even now declaring it is too early to be thinking about Christmas, even though I need his input on the kids' main presents. Actually I don't need his input but he has decided that the things I was going to buy are wrong, but he won't give a time when we can go and look at these items together or any input as to what would be, in his opinion, better.

The other thing that is stressing me out is the work I have to get done before the kids break up from school (freelance work from home) - again he is of the opinion that I have plenty of time but I just know the people I have to get hold of (mainly teachers) will not be calling me back this week and nest week, forget it. Grrr.

Worst was laying in hospital hooked up to a gajillion drips having had ds the day before. It was an emergency induction and I was very unwell. I cried because they had told me I could go home for Christmas the day before( I was obviously too ill to go home, but they told me I could to keep me calm and my blood pressure down, it was the right call) but there I was stuck in hospital away from my three year old dd.

The grumpy midwife told me she didn't want to be their either, she was meant to be abroad with her boyfriend but he had dumped her and so I didn't have it bad. She had a really grumpy l, stand offish attitude and in my tired vulnerable state I was really scared of her. I just cried and cried. Dd did come in and my dad brought her presents to open with me and then brought us all Christmas dinner! Which was amazing. But it wasn't exactly what I'd expected.

Dd was traumatized by seeing me so ill too. Last year she cried so much in the lead up to Christmas, terrified I'd have to go to hospital again. She's been talking about it a lot, but not crying this year, so that's nice.

I usually love Christmas, but I'm struggling this year. It's my DD's first Christmas but my DM isn't with us anymore to enjoy it and I miss her so much. My in laws are a right bunch, who can't be in the same room as each other for very long without falling out, so it'll just be me, my OH and DD for Christmas dinner. Added to that, our house is freezing in winter, which was ok for the last two winters when it was just me and my OH, but now we have DD to think about. My OH is insulating the loft because the last owner did a terrible job, so upstairs is a mess at the moment and to top it off we don't have a tree yet and no decorations up. It's all a bit crap really.

I managed to keep my shit together all through Christmas beforehand , through the punch up at Morrison’s over the last box of emergency crackers , through the Christmas Eve when the gas ran out and DH suddenly realised that that was the job he forgot to get done ( ensuring a pleading phone call to the gas cylinder company and a high speed dash to get another cylinder 10 minutes before it closed ) . And then , completely lost it when at 3.30 on Christmas Day , the big fridge freezer packed up , whilst full to heaving with food for 15 . Instead of sitting in front of the telly with a glass of sherry and a tub of celebrations , I was out in the freezing cold cleaning and emptying the horse freezer , then dragging the fucker across the yard , onto the patio , then playing fucking freezer Tetris with said food, whilst muttering expletives and throwing bastard mozzarella cheese sticks from the broken freezer out of the back door into the emergency one . And being first in the queue at sodding Curry’s on Boxing Day for a replacement . Went back to work that night for a rest , only to find the team buffet absolutely fucking overwhelmed with cheese sticks . I hate cheese fucking sticks .

I do enjoy Christmas and don't even mind a spot of present buying - we only bit the immediate family though.

The thing that is bothering me is the sheer lack of time to actually shop/wrap and tidy the house up (we are hosting over xmas).

Work is totally manic and there is no let up - I finish on 22nd and I am seeing family and doing Santa visit with my son on 23rd so I am slightly panicking!

Hopefully, all will come right in the end.

'I hate cheese fucking sticks'

Pretty much sums up the sentiment of the entire thread.

And the DH who announced it's too early to think about Christmas hahaha. Give him a Christmas card on the day saying 'Sorry it was too early to think about your present '

We finish work and school on 22nd too! I think it's that small amount of time between that is giving me stress.

I hate this Christmas so much already. It’s just our typical shambles of shit. We’ve all been really ill since last Weds. Meaning the weekend just gone where I was planning to do some shopping and clean the house got wiped out.

I bought a pack of cards which I was goi g to write tonight and when I was upstairs ds1 has taken them all out scribbled on them and stuck all the envelopes down. I am beyond exasperated.

I haven’t bought any presents for the kids as dh promised me he was on it and would get them on eBay. He has lost every bid tho and now said he’s done. He also is being rushed off to Hong Kong tomorrow for a week with work. No food bought or ordered. No presents. Tree prostrate on the floor. No decorations. House a shit pit. Everyone Ill. I’ve lost my voice.

Great. Cheers. No really. Happy Xmas. FUCK OFF.

I am guilty of feeling smug. Bought DP's presents, now wrapped and hidden, bought the presents for HIS mother, nieces and nephews, wrapped them and he handed them over at the big family pre-Christmas meal the other weekend, bought his GDD's gift, now in the spare room awaiting assembly. That just leaves him to get presents for his DS and his partner (although I'll probably get hers) and for me.

He hasn't even asked me what I would like, which means one of two things: he's either had a flash of divine inspiration and already bought me something, or he expects me to schlep round the shops with him so he can pay for something I choose. The latter is exceedingly unlikely.

The turkey is ordered and just has to be picked up on Xmas Eve morning. I'll get the gammon and the veg next week. I've got the ingredients for a chocolate fudge pudding, the cake is bought, there's shedloads of booze and chocs stashed away and I've even bought the ingredients for a couple of meals to make with leftovers.

Then yesterday the fly arrived slap bang in the middle of the ointment. I went for a pre-op assessment, prior to the shoulder surgery that I'll be having on 11 Jan. Except I won't. It will be BY the 11 Jan at the latest, and they'll ring me two days before to tell me when I'm having it. I've bloody convinced myself it will be next week, as no other fucker will want surgery so close to Christmas. I really don't want to postpone it, as it's bloody painful and surprisingly disabling.

So DP may end up having to do it all himself, and if anything makes me inclined to have a meltdown, it's the trail of destruction he leaves when he cooks. The kitchen looks like Hiroshima after the bomb when he's cooked a bacon & egg sandwich, the mess he leaves after doing a roast defies belief. And I won't be able to rest, because he'll be asking me where things are every 30 seconds.

Thank fuck there's just the two of us for the holiday, and that he's back at work after Boxing Day.

Added to which, I'm now panicking about getting all my cases written up so that I can hand them over to colleagues while I'm off, and arranging who can cover what. Plus I may not even get much time off sick, as we shut down until the New Year.

TL,DR: thought I was nearly ready, may be going into hospital so now in a panic.

I think the secret to an enjoyable December is to do all non perishable shopping including presents by the end of November. Do as much online as possible too. If I do that I love the lead up to Christmas. If you are cooking big feasts make loads of lists too and precook everything possible. If all else fails just drink lots and eat cheese.

This thread is exactly what I needed today. Thanks all for contributing. I've had a shitty bout of anxiety and depression, have a job interview next week and the kids are all excited and mad and stressing me. No tree up and I'm not feeling at all Christmassy despite a choir singing through my lunch break at work today.
I hate feeling forced into celebrations. I miss the days when I had some semblance of belief in the whole Baby Jesus thing. I can't get that back, and it was the only bit that gave the day any point (after being too old to get excited about presents). Can't be arsed to get the tree up. Bollocks to wrapping presents in some fancy way. Bloody Christmas can fuck off 😁