What to do about overly involved acquaintance?

[Givemeonereason]

I've thought about posting this for a while now but recently things have escalated so now need advice.

An acquaintance who I used to work with has rang me 4 times tonighf as she has a present for my DS for Christmas and she wants to bring it round. I ignored her calls but gave up and text her saying it's late blah blah blah. She starts guilt tripping me about this present and how she really wants to give it to me in person and she's free now to drop it by.

Backstory: we worked together and we helped each other loads as we were both junior managers at the same time (diff departments). For me this was purely a work based friendship. When I announced I was pregnant she had handed her notice in at work just before and offered to withdraw it so she could support me being pregnant at work. I laughed as I thought she was joking but it came out that she did try and withdraw it. She made a huge FB post with pics of my scan (which I had posted on my FB in all fairness) introducing her 'future drinking buddy'. She turned up at the hospital the day after he was born with a huge box full of things she had bought him which was very kind of her. She turned up at his Christening, making a scene that she wasn't invited. We let her stay as she had come quite a way for it on public transport. She got drunk (was in a private room in a restaurant) and whinged at my best friend that she hadn't been asked to be godmother and what more could she do to get me to like her.

I've not led this woman on. I did think she was nice but now I actually find her a bit scary! How do I get her to leave me alone?

She obviously already knows you're not keen if she was whinging at your friend already. And you definitely don't want her to get info from your friends or think it's okay to drop in to your work, and she will do if it's the only way she can get a reaction.

It is a bit harsh to dump her just before Christmas if she's struggling as much as it sounds.

could you send pp text about not coming to work again for now and then tell her in January that you're too stretched between work and home at the moment so will be unable to see her - that may invite the risk that she turns up on the doorstep with a bag of shopping or takeaway though.

I’m not sure I agree with the ghosting route. Firstly it’s better to be direct so you both know where you stand and secondly she doesn’t sound like the type to take the hint. As Pidlan said she has overstepped the mark on many occasions the christening was completely out of order and the scan pic?! I would have gone absolutely nuts at her! How dare she?! I’d have been unhappy if a family member had reposted my scan but can kind of understand that but someone you used to work with? And the drinking buddy comment is inappropriate

Tell her that she’s overstepped the mark too often now and showing up at work is the last straw. You can’t be friends if she doesn’t respect boundaries

I feel sorry for you OP my friend went through similar and when the whole thing blew up and police had to be involved it turn out it was her child she was fixated on - she even turned up at crèche and tried to say my pal had asked her to collect the child as she herself was ill. You need to protect yourself and your family as she sounds very selfish and not a nice person.

Fake your own death? She really does sound completely mental. I think that you should tread with caution lest she sets your house on fire if something like that. Maybe continue to decrease contact and hope that she finds someone else? Probably best to ask your mural friends to stop mentioning you to her too.

Ghost. Don't even acknowledge the balloon. Nothing. If she barges into the office and says ' did you get the balloon' say 'yes, but please in future not to the office please' pause the add, with a stern voice and face ' also while I appreciate everything you've got my DS, there's no more space for anything and I'll be taking anything he receives from now henceforth to charity' don't wait for a response and say you have to rush. If she manages to get in the usual ' it's really nothing, I enjoy giving and spoiling DS' say ' no really, just take it to charity. No More Gifts ** [insert name]'
Ghost. You can do it. Block. Block.

I think firstly I would tell any of your friends that know her what has been going and ask that they stop talking about you with her.

Then you need to pick one of the responses from above and send it to her on either fb messenger or WhatsApp as both of those show you that she has received and read, then block her.

Talk to reception at work and ask that they accept nothing for you from her/anyone.

As others have said, it does sound as if she could have mh issues but it doesn't make her behaviour ok, the christening thing is

I had a 'friend' that I ghosted in my late teens. She would call me several times a week and talk at me - not to me - for hours at a time. I allowed this to continue for a long while because I felt too awkward to cut things off. I tried limiting contact without coming right out and saying I didn't want her calling me at all. Eventually I stopped responding, because the constant bombardment was becoming a terrible source of stress. As a result she redoubled her efforts and I ended up receiving upwards of 20 calls, as well as multiple emails and texts, every night from her until she finally gave up.

On the other hand, my family member had a similar friend. She tried boundaries, only picking up at prearranged times, etc. It didn't work, as the friend ignored those boundaries. So my family member called her and told her straight out that she was unable to continue the friendship, and that this person wasn't to contact her any more. The friend blew up at her, but never contacted her again after that call.

My point being: be careful with ghosting. If this person doesn't understand why you'd suddenly drop off the face of the earth, she might try even harder to get in touch. And in that case, if she calls you 30 times and you end up relenting and picking up on the 31st, all she'll learn is that it takes 30 phonecalls to get through to you. If you've made it clear to her that you don't want to speak to her anymore, and then stick to your guns, her 'extinction burst', if it comes, is likely to be shorter.

I think it is crueller to ghost rather than just tell her straight.

She sounds very creepy and this is borderline stalking imo.
I think you need to totally end contact with her, but firstly tell her you are doing this and why. Whatever she throws back at you, just repeat your reason and if necessary end the call.
If you ghost her, she will probably stalk you more because she will want answers/reassurance.
These people don't know when to back off, and this is the cause of the problem.
Then block her from everything.
You need to tell your mutual friends exactly what she's been doing, and ask them not to share any information about you with her.
You do not need to put up with this.

Also tell your work she's been bothering you. Get as much support for yourself as possible.

Agree this is actually worrying, it’s way past normal behaviour. You need to communicate clearly, not just let things happen. Tell your genuine friends what she’s done and ask them specifically not to tell her info about your life. Tell Work you won’t sccept her calls or post. Tell her that she has misunderstood your friendship, freaked you out and you don’t want further contact. If all that doesn’t work i’d be thinking involving the police tbh...

Could you tell her you really see her as a work colleague, and don't wish to expand that to a friendship?

Definitely limit what she can see on Facebook.

@RestingGrinchFace that made me laugh, thank you.
Perhaps I should fake my own death!

I agree, don't ghost, if nay just make her redouble her efforts and start going to greater extremes.

But I think you can be kinder than some of the responses here. I would say that you've felt uncomfortable and suffocated by some of her behaviours (christening, balloon at work, all the gifts), that you appreciate the kindness/sentiment bug you'd prefer to keep the friendship professional.

I would absolutely tell mutual friends about her behaviour and your response so they don't let slip details like the christening again.

Givemesteel I know what you mean about being kinder, but sadly people like that take any kindness or offer of ongoing contact, even professional, as encouragement. Whilst OP doesn't need to mean, she needs to be firm and clear and not coerced by this person.

I agree that you have to be firm. Unfortunately, people like this have no boundaries and whilst you don't have to be rude you have to spell it out explicitly. Just a crumb of being nice often means redoubling of efforts by them because she will pick up on any hope of your friendship

When she crashed your child’s christening and got drunk - what did you say to her?

How long ago was it?

I don’t understand why you wouldn’t say... look, after the christening fiasco, I would have thought you’d back off and apologise but instead your behaviour has just gotten more intense and inappropriate.

I really cannot get past your inappropriate behaviour at the christening and now that you’ve escalated it with showing up at workplace, I’m going to have to ask you to stop contacting me altogether.

Her odd and obsessive behaviour seems to be centered around your child. This is no time to be nice or even to just ghost. Mental health difficulties or not, your responsibility is to the safety of your child. Be clear and firm with her about not contacting you and let everyone else know about her behaviour and how you are worried about it and ask them not to talk to her about you AT ALL.

Oh and I’m not sure about what childcare arrangements you have but I would be double checking the security arrangements and letting them know there is an issue with this woman.

Tell her you are emigrating

Though she would probably offer to come too....

I've had similar and the best advice I can give you is to have it out with her. Anger is an appropriate reaction , don't feel guilty about it.

I thought Corals advice was really helpful. I'd go with the life change, too busy angle, then block her on Facebook and from your phone, which would limit her opportunities to keep up the contact.
To be honest I feel really sorry for her.

So I might.. tell her you are sorry, you're dealing with some things and you are prioritising your time. If she asks what 'things', I'll kindly tell her that I don't like discussing with people who are only work friends/ acquaintances. She might get that she is not one of your priorities, or someone you would consider as 'close'.

On a side note OP, I had to deal with someone who harassed me for over a year due to not getting the message that I don't consider her as a friend. I suppose it is rare, but it happens and it is awful. It taught me a LOT about strong boundaries.

She sounds awful op. Agree with pp, tell your friends the situation so you have a bit of support. Don't acknowledge the balloon, be firm but polite. Fingers crossed.

She showed up to the Christening mad she wasn’t invited? I’d keep your kid away from spinning wheels in sixteen years if I were you.