What to do about overly involved acquaintance?

[Givemeonereason]

I've thought about posting this for a while now but recently things have escalated so now need advice.

An acquaintance who I used to work with has rang me 4 times tonighf as she has a present for my DS for Christmas and she wants to bring it round. I ignored her calls but gave up and text her saying it's late blah blah blah. She starts guilt tripping me about this present and how she really wants to give it to me in person and she's free now to drop it by.

Backstory: we worked together and we helped each other loads as we were both junior managers at the same time (diff departments). For me this was purely a work based friendship. When I announced I was pregnant she had handed her notice in at work just before and offered to withdraw it so she could support me being pregnant at work. I laughed as I thought she was joking but it came out that she did try and withdraw it. She made a huge FB post with pics of my scan (which I had posted on my FB in all fairness) introducing her 'future drinking buddy'. She turned up at the hospital the day after he was born with a huge box full of things she had bought him which was very kind of her. She turned up at his Christening, making a scene that she wasn't invited. We let her stay as she had come quite a way for it on public transport. She got drunk (was in a private room in a restaurant) and whinged at my best friend that she hadn't been asked to be godmother and what more could she do to get me to like her.

I've not led this woman on. I did think she was nice but now I actually find her a bit scary! How do I get her to leave me alone?

[Leeds2]

Did she ask the receptionist to see you to deliver the balloon, or were you genuinely not there?
She sounds very lonely to me. But that isn't your problem.

[abualb]

Urgh, she sounds suffocating

Tbh op, this could go on for years. If you don't want that, you must change YOUR reaction to her. You cannot change her behaviour.

There are several options:

Tell her bluntly (takes guts I know not many have)

Don't tell her (ghost)/quietly step away (but you run the risk of her e.g. calling work or "bumping" into you at places she might go to)

Tell her your wishes firmly but with a slightly softer approach than the full truth (e.g. send message saying "not much in common any more, wish you well but don't contact me, give DS gift to charity")

Honestly, you must tell her your wishes in some way, or else you're letting it continue!

[lurkingnotlurking]

Yikes. She sounds stalkerish. I have no idea what the best approach is. Is it a good idea to be blunt? Is it the only thing that could work? I'll be interested to see what others have to say

[Goddamitt]

She does sound intense and stalkerish. She’s undoubtedly lonely and has trouble with boundaries and probably doesn’t have an awful lot in her own life. I’ve had this happen once and it freaked me out! It’s happened to my BF a lot though. She seems to inspire obsession in people! I’d put her on Limited profile on FB. Ignore her calls and texts. She’ll hopefully give up!

[BlueNeighbourhood1]

What happened in work to make her think the two of you were friends? You must have had conversations beyond the whole work type ones that we usually have.

It sounds very intense and not like she wants to take no for an answer. Have you spoke to your mutual friends about what they think and if it's happened before?

I'm really interested to see how this one pans out.

[Maelstrop]

Run, OP, run! Single white female or what! I think you are going to have to be quite brutal and ensure she knows that you want no further contact or this will dribble on for some time and you'll end up being brutal anyway when she pushes harder.

[Appuskidu]

That’s scary! I would change my phone number.

[FreeNiki]

So she came into work today with a balloon for DS. She left it with the receptionist and now it's behind my desk. She has left a voicemail to see if I've received it. Advice?

Ignore.

Any reaction is a reaction and invites more contact.

Tell your mutual friends what she has been up to and ask them not to discuss you any more.

I'd just stop all contact, unfriend her on Facebook and if she doesn't get the hint tell her straight up.

[IrkThePurist]

Everything FreeNiki said, and also tell work not to accept gifts for you.

[BMW6]

I would text her
"While I enjoyed working with you we never had a close social relationship outside of work, and I an finding your constant contact overbearing and intrusive. You were not invited to the christening because you were neither family nor long-standing friend, yet you gatecrashed the event which I found embarrassing, rude and pushy in the extreme.
I do not want gifts for my son which you offer unsolicited and do not want to receive any further contact from you.
I wish you well but do not contact me again, in any form. Goodbye."

[ItsYuleyme]

Everything FreeNiki says!
You need to stop this now.
Tell your mutual acquaintances that you are going to have to drop her as she's being weird and intrusive.
Then ignore her and block her on everything.
Be prepared for her turning up unannounced though, she sounds a bit loopy to me. If she does, just tell her straight, you don't want to be friends.
Best of luck.

[2kidsandcats]

I had a similar issue. A very lonely older woman started to fixate on me at work. She also used to take offence at other people over absolutely nothing. She was a bit scary. I used to feel so sorry for her, but equally repulsed. I personally wouldn't be as harsh or confrontational as others have suggested. It might tip her over. Maybe limit your FB settings, say you don't have time to meet up now it's a baby, baby, baby. Tell your work mates that she makes you a bit uncomfortable. You might find out other people had issues with her.

[KurriKurri]

I had a 'friend' like this - totally smothering and trying to take over my life, ringing many many times a day, wanting to chat on messenger all night, it is just awful.

After one particularly annoying episode of interference in my life, I told her firmly to back off. She went into a huff and and dropped me. The relief was immense !

I found out from talking to others who had been victims of her 'friendship' that this was well established pattern of behaviour with her - massively over intense friendliness followed by dumping you and moving on to a new victim. It is some sort of personality defect or disorder.

You might find that you have to be very firm and basically rude to get her to leave you alone - if she's anything like my hanger on, she'll take massive offense and drop you. Don't ghost or drop hints, tell her bluntly.

[Givemeonereason]

@BlueNeighbourhood1 from my side it was social small talk. From her side she told me everything from the beginning. She talked about herself an awful lot to me and then used to think we were bonding. I think she genuinely thought it was all mutual. She would go to the shop for lunch and bring me lunch back too saying she knew I was busy that day and wouldn't have time... except I did have time. It was nice but really weird. And she would buy things I couldn't eat (allergy) despite me telling her about my allergy numerous times.
I think it stemmed from us being the only two people there (at the time) under 30

[Tinselistacky]

Maybe tell her as your ds doesn't really know her it's inappropriate to keep the balloon so you have given it to a charity shop?
Block her number today.

[ItsNachoCheese]

Id block her from everything now

[CoraPirbright]

Definitely bring all your mutual friends into your confidence. Tell them that she is verging on stalking you and that you are frankly finding it rather alarming. You may discover that others have suffered the same or, at the very least, alert them to the fact that they have to be cagey with your info.

I would contact her and say “I received your balloon - thanks but it really isnt appropriate to be getting this stuff at my place of work. Going to drop off your radar now as what with the baby, work and home, I simply dont have the capacity for anything else. I am sure you understand”.

[Corcory]

I would say something similar to BMW but maybe not as harsh - I'm sorry but I am finding our friendship very intrusive and had no idea you had wanted this amount of contact. I feel we get on well at work and that is where I want to leave it. Please don't contact my out of work or buy presents for my LO. Thanks.

[squaresandsquares]

I really feel for you. Everyone's given great advice

[metalmum15]

I really feel for you, she sounds loopy and a bit scary. If it was me I would just completely block her, Facebook, phone etc, and have no more contact. If she turned up at the door I would ignore. Eventually if she's getting absolutely nothing back then she'll (unfortunately for them) move on to someone else.

[Nikephorus]

I would contact her and say “I received your balloon - thanks but it really isnt appropriate to be getting this stuff at my place of work. Going to drop off your radar now as what with the baby, work and home, I simply dont have the capacity for anything else. I am sure you understand”.
^^ This. It's polite, can't offend, makes it clear that work is off-limits, & gives you an excuse for not responding to her for a while (never)

[TinselTwat]

You have had some excellent advice, OP. Now act on it. It's quite simple really.

[MrTrebus]

It's so harsh to say to someone "I don't want to be friends with you please don't contact me again" honestly just before Christmas if you said this to her and she has mental health problems or is just really lonely etc this could tip her over the edge,as a Samaritan please I beg you don't do that. I would be non committal or just start ghosting her but more in a "I'm busy" way rather than blocking her on everything etc.

[Pidlan]

I would say "I feel like you're being inappropriate and I'd like some breathing space, please." If she asks what you're on about, you can say you were embarrassed for her at the christening, where she was utterly out of line. (I can't believe you didn't go nuts with her for that OP!)
Just tell her you feel she's being too full on and it's making you uncomfortable, and then ignore.

[lurkingnotlurking]

I'm inclined to agree with the ghosting angle. From her perspective, it seems she might be thinking she's really tried. Your conversations at work where she overshared should have been shut down at the time. She seems to have thought she bonded really well with you. She clearly also has boundary issues, but how much do you want it to sting when you distance yourself? It hurts when former friends move on from our lives. I'd go with let her down gently, although that christening thing was well over the line and she should have been able to see that. If you do need to take a firmer approach, you could use that example.