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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked at teacher telling DD to 'hold in' period.

727 replies

yaela123 · 11/12/2017 18:41

DD is 15 and her school have a no going to the toilet during lesson time rule, which I completely agree with on the whole as I know how disruptive it can be if people are constantly in and out, and how everyone just uses it as an excuse to bunk off (I am a teacher too - very different environment though)

Only exception is if you have a medical note from a doctor.

Today in one of her lessons DD says she could feel that she really needed to change her pad, she was getting quite worried about it leaking. She eventually asked the (male) teacher if she could go to the loo.

Teacher: No, you know the rules
DD: I really need it.
Teacher: What did I just say?
DD: It's a girl problem...
Teacher: What do you mean?
DD: Umm... I'm on my period
Teacher: Break is only in half an hour, hold it in til then

Obviously those aren't the exact words said but she says it's pretty accurate.
DD is quite shy so did just wait til break (no leakage btw).

She doesn't seem overly bothered but AIBU to be pretty shocked at him telling her to hold it in? Surely even men have some basic idea that it doesn't work like that?

OP posts:
MaisyPops · 16/12/2017 07:31

I hope they did.
If not, they should have managed to get a hold of the head of year for a chat

Missm84 · 16/12/2017 09:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/12/2017 09:43

Missm
That’s very thoughtful of you. 10 and 11 yo girls trying to cope with managing a period at a very young age and you’ll let them go to the loo as a one off. Hmm

Missm84 · 16/12/2017 09:49

Mummyoflittledragon

I was just making the point that whilst I operate a no toilet in lesson policy, at times it may be necessary. The teacher of dd's op should have recognised this.

greenhairymonster · 16/12/2017 09:52

I never let children out to the loo regardless of gender - what if they developed a sudden case of vomiting - or diarrhoea? Never is a very strong word! A local school tried to get 5 year olds to manage their toilet needs to break and lunch times - not surprisingly there were quite a few upsetting accidents but the school persists that these 5 year olds have to learn!

Missm84 · 16/12/2017 09:57

greenhairymonster.

If I suspected a child was ill that would be one of the exceptions, like a girl pointing out she is on her period. The standard "Miss can I go to the toilet please" is always a no though.

Missm84 · 16/12/2017 10:25

Why not always say no? Unless it is a situation like the op or illness they are old enough to wait.

Greenhairymonster

5 that is wrong though.

Missm84 · 16/12/2017 10:35

We haven't heard from op then?
I'd bet my life the situation didn't happen the way the op's dd explained.

greenhairymonster · 16/12/2017 10:56

I remember having a few Uti's at primary - I never told anyone I was too embarrassed....fortunately the Year 6 teacher always let me out - following a right rollocking she got from my dad after she had told my sister that her needing the loo was all in her head - my sister wet herself!

Missm84 · 16/12/2017 11:02

greenhairymonster

Surely you see though that with certain age groups a no toilet policy is reasonable?

Buildalegohouse · 16/12/2017 11:06

I teach year 6. I always let them go to the loo. My standard response is just, ‘quickly’.

I would be mortified if I had had to tell someone I was on my period or had diarrhoea just to be allowed to go to the toilet.

CandiedPeach · 16/12/2017 11:11

I teach year 6 and I never let children out to the loo regardless of gender.

What would happen if one of the children just went to the loo? What punishment does a primary child get for using the toilet without permission?
I know few would probably be willing to do this, although I would and did in secondary. Never had restrictions on going to the toilet in my primary, other than maybe a “are you sure you really need it?”.

My bf is a secondary teacher and I asked him what he does. He said he has a fairly good idea after the first few lessons with a class about who is likely to try their luck and doing it to get out of lesson. He’s never refused someone using the loo (even if he thinks they’re doing it to avoid lesson) he just insists they come back to him at break time/lunch to make their 5/10 mins up!
He says he very rarely gets students asking to go now.

Missm84 · 16/12/2017 11:16

Candledpeach

I've never had a child leave without permission, but I would be keeping them in at playtime and explaining how next time a no means no. If they are ill they need to tell me.

CandiedPeach · 16/12/2017 11:31

So a break time detention Missm84 is that in your schools behaviour policy? What other behaviour is that punishment used for?
I’m asking out of genuine curiosity.
Although I admit I can’t understand how schools can justify telling children “they don’t need the toilet” while also teaching them bodily autonomy.

Missm84 · 16/12/2017 11:39

A 5 minute break detention is the punishment used for a serious breach of defying a staff member. That is what going to the toilet when told they are not allowed is.

JacquesHammer · 16/12/2017 11:41

Why not always say no?

Because there's no good reason to.

At my DD's primary they have an open door classroom policy. It works brilliantly

Gierg · 16/12/2017 11:49

When I ran a youth organisation group, I would often get toilet asks if they were a bit bored, so I know that kids can mess about. Generally if I considered it to be a mess about it was a "can you wait 5 minutes whilst I explain something?" Or a one in one it policy with an accompanying leader (for younger kids as our Hall was unlocked during meeting time), so it didn't become fun place to hangout. I never said no to a child who needed to go, and often if they forgot it means they didn't really need it. If they were dancing about then obviously I could tell I let them go immediately, but it was mainly about reducing the "fun factor" of going to the loo for me.

It is hard to avoid the fact that the privacy a toilet awards can be used for good and bad. I think it's about discretion and common sense of the adult in charge tbh and also about toilets being totally private and enclosed so there's no communal sink space or similar to congregate in and cause trouble.

Missm84 · 16/12/2017 11:49

Jacqueshammer

What year is your dd? Is that an whole school policy?

JacquesHammer · 16/12/2017 11:50

She's now year 6. It is a whole school policy but only affects juniors. Infants all have private loos off the classroom.

pieceofpurplesky · 16/12/2017 11:52

I tell pupils that they can go but they must make the time up at break. This means that those that don't want to go for any reason other than messing about don't go and those that genuinely want to get to go.
At break I will ask if the pupil is OK and generally they tell you if they have a period etc. It also helps me identify kids who may have problems as they need to go every lesson.

Missm84 · 16/12/2017 11:53

Jacqueshammer

I am sorry but if your dd was in my class she wouldn't be going, year 6 are old enough to regulate toilet needs to break times.

Whinesalot · 16/12/2017 11:53

I'd also empower my child by saying I'd back them up in a emergency if they just walk out.

JacquesHammer · 16/12/2017 11:55

@MissM84

If my DD was in your class she clearly would be as you'd be following HER school policy which is an open door policy.

Unless of course you're one of THOSE teachers who always think they know better?

Missm84 · 16/12/2017 11:56

Whinesalot

Then your child would be kept in at break.

Missm84 · 16/12/2017 11:58

Jacqueshammer

I was referring to the fact I disagree with that policy and if she was in my school she wouldn't be allowed.