To be honest with OH about Christmas presents?

[WhyamIBoredathome]

I have been well trained by my parents to accept presents gratefully, as it is after all the thought that counts. This is the policy I have stuck to almost unfailingly until now.
But now I begin to wonder if it's a good idea...

Two years ago for Christmas OH bought me a decorative item for the home. Said item is not really to my taste, it's the sort of thing I think you would normally find in the home of someone 20-30 years older than us. However I thanked him graciously amd put item on display on upstairs landing (where I only see it in passing so it doesn't bother me as much).
I've just accidentally found my Christmas presents for this year while putting away laundry (he left them unwrapped on the top of his t-shirt drawer). He has got me another one in the same collection of decorative items. These things are not cheap, about £40 I think.

WIBU to be honest and tell him it's not really my taste? I don't want to be ungrateful but I'm a little worried that he will continue buying items from the collection and there's rather a lot of them. I really don't want to hurt his feelings but It seems like such a waste of money for something that I'd rather not have on display.

I am not at all grabby or materialistic before anyone accuses me of this. When he asked what I wanted I told him just a box of chocs and get the kids to make me some nice cards.

My Dh is fantastic at buying presents. You know why? Because I am honest about what I like. We both are.

It is madness to keep getting gifts you do not like and somehow not be able to say you don't like it.

I stopped buying clothes for my sons when it got too tricky to know what they liked. So now I literally bring up a page of t shirts, and they tell me which ones they like, I veto those I don't like, but they still get their choices in the end. Everyone is happy. I don't understand why this is difficult.

MyOH used to buy me watches. Christmas, birthdays, Valentines.
I have never worn a watch and don't like them
He likes watches.
I had to be firm in the end. It was getting silly. I would rather have nothing than another bloody watch.

You are going to have to tell him. You are going to need a special display cabinet if you don't. It won't just be him. You will be known as Whyam who loves those figurines and everyone will buy you them. Even the kids when they get older.

Easier to refund or exchange if the box is sealed. I wouldn't even bother opening the box.

coalit In my family we were very much brought up to believe that it is not the done thing to say you don't like a present, that it's the thought that counts so you must thank the giver graciously and be grateful they got you something.

And I don't want to hurt his feelings. He will probably think that he's tried hard to get me something nice and be disappointed that I don't like it.

just a box of chocolates' - Well you've never tried Hotle chocolate then waiting for my raspberry and milk chic ones to arrive

OP seriously if he's a decent bloke he'll want you to be happy - tell him and ask him to exchange it

Another vote for tell him now.

Does he buy for anyone else?
Oh DH I saw the Willow Tree figure you bought for your mom on top of your shirts. Are you sire its her kind of thing? O hope my Hotel Chocolat chocolates are better hidden....

Just tell him. Please. You are allowed to be happy with your present. And tell him what you would like. Or go shopping together.

OP, I think most of us are polite about gifts and accept them graciously, but the person you share your life and bed with is different. You are so close that surely you can tell each other anything, almost, and it's fine.

Surely you want to please each other genuinely, not want the other person to pretend. You've posted on here so it obviously matters to you.

Always best to be honest with OH about most things. My OH needed to learn what I liked, and now he is generally pretty good at buying presents - but its hardly a core criterion for a straight man so he shouldn't be offended. Just tell him what you would like for Xmas and hope the he forgets about the one from last year.

No need to labour under lies and then resentment and frustration on anything, presents or otherwise. Not very healthy. Relationships are not about who is the politest.

I have been brutally honest with DH in the past but we are just like that, even white lies are out which sometimes can be painful to hear but it really works for us.
I always thank him for the thought and effort and he appreciates that.

Don't tell him you've seen this years - make a jokey comment about lazy husbands who think they can sew up the next decades presents by buying a matching set of ornaments - then laugh and say ' thank god you wouldn't be so unimaginative' hesitate 'would you?'

Whoever said this, I told him it was lovely but I didn't want him to buy anymore as I think collecting items takes away the specialness of each individual item and they can't be appreciated fully when they're just part of a collection should have been in Iran with Boris Johnson, putting the case forward for Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe's release.

My son had the opposite problem when he went out with a girl who had a Pandora bracelet. Under instruction, he bought her one charm for Christmas (he couldn't believe it was £35 - he was in school and broke) and then he bought her another for her birthday.

He then dumped her. He said he could see a lifetime ahead of him where he was buying charms for this girl and he didn't want to end up buying her the iron charm for her 80th birthday

But he hasn't tried hard to get something you'd like with the chocolate, has he?

He clearly didn't listen to you at all when you said you wouldn't want it again. Basically he's just gone and bought exactly what he bought last year. Zero effort or thought.

I hate this - I see it so often. Your job is to make sure he doesn't get disappointed, not even for a moment. He floats on the pink cloud, meanwhile you put yourself second and third. You make effort to remember what he likes and you make extra effort to cover up for the fact that he doesn't do the same for you.

I don't think he's gone to any effort whatsoever. You say you don't know why on earth he would have bought the first object - I know. It's really really simple: it's because he put absolutely no thought into it and considered your preferences not one bit. No process of thinking 'But is that the kind of thing she'd like? Is it her style?' - just none. Saw it, bought it, no effort. It's officially a 'nice' thing so that will do. It's the exact opposite of trying hard. And he's done exactly the same this year. In fact he's even bought another copy of the thing that you did dare say that actually, you weren't that fussed about.

I suggest that you tell him that you accidentally saw the box and realise it's another item from that collection, and best to be honest: it's not your kind of thing. You didn't say anything first time round out of politeness but you don't want another.

And when he hands over the chocolate, make a point of passing it around. 'Oh no you have some of it! - I remember I had some of this last year, quite nice but really not my thing.'

What are you getting him? Let me guess, carefully chosen things you've put time into choosing? - time - consideration - far more precious tokens of esteem than £40 and ten minutes in a shop.

Don't put his feelings so far above yours when it's so clear that yours have been entirely, lazily disregarded.

I would come clean and tell him now!!! That you would prefer something else from that store and you don't like those chocolates as they are too sweet...

If the shop has some nice stuff, could you engineer going to it with him and point to stuff you like ('This is lovely isn't it? not very keen on this though' )

Of course it means you will get things from that shop for ever, but they might not be the hideous stuff.

After years of getting stuff from my (now X) H which were actually presents for him - gadgets for his computer, CD's of bands he liked etc. - I actually specified a gift I would like one year. Come Christmas morning, he informed me the item was out of stock, so he had got me nothing instead. I hope his new partner has managed to boot some sense into him, and gets something decent

YES, tell him.

"When he asked what I wanted I told him just a box of chocs and get the kids to make me some nice cards."

That's the problem, he asked and you did not say.

Just be honest, about item one, "I know Christmas is coming and you may thinking about a gift for me, well......"

I asked DH, he's rather be told now!

Seriously, stop him. It isn't ungrateful to want to receive items you like! Do it diplomatically now in case anyone else has bought you one as well. Do you want this dread hanging over you for all future occasions? You will feel sad and disappointed and I'm sure your dh wouldn't want you to feel bad.

You are not being ungrateful, you appreciate the thought and are grateful for that.

I think you've got to steel yourself and be honest with him, otherwise you're setting yourself up for years of china figurines or whatever.

Choose something realistic that he can buy and gently explain that you like the house minimal and that books, chocolates or cushions are more your thing.

But she actually wants the specific hotel chocolate choccies and the homemade card!!
Maybe try something like "I'm really sorry but I need to confess I'm not that fond of the ornament you bought me last year.. I thought I'd better tell you now, rather than end up with another one.." And say nothing about finding the one in his drawer?

You can nip this in the bud now by putting a note on top of the gifts in his drawer. Thus taking the heat out of a face to face confrontation

You can be as polite or abrupt as you like. Maybe, ‘DH I couldn’t help but see these when I was putting away laundry. I don’t know how to say this without hurting your feelings and I really don’t want to hurt your feelings but [........]. Instead I would really love and appreciate [list of items].

DH and I always provide each other with a list as after all he would have no idea that I’d really like a magnetic pincushion Etc.

I would also iterate that a week off laundry would still be the best thing ever...

No advice sorry, but I had this with my dm buying me Liliput Lane cottages about 20 years ago! I had them on display pre children but having kids was a good excuse to store them safely under the bed...