Please help - desperate with newborn

[desperatemum17]

I really need help. Posting here for traffic.

DS is four weeks old. First couple of weeks were pretty good: he would go three hours between feeds and was easy to settle to sleep. Health visitor then noticed oral thrush and doctor prescribed Nystatin Oral Suspension for a week and a steroid cream to treat associated nappy rash. This cleared up the thrush and bottom wasn't looking sore but he began being extremely fussy after feeds and sometimes during.

For two weeks now, he will writhe and thrash around and scream after feeding. Once or twice a day, this will start while he's on the breast. I burp him straight after feeding and try to keep him upright for 20-30 mins after every feed. Despite this, he cannot be put down. If he drops off being held/ swayed, we then put him down but he wakes screaming within minutes. During the day, he sleeps on me or in our soft sling, at night he wakes every few minutes, screams, feeds to sleep, is put down, wakes, screams etc.

I've not slept for longer than 90 minutes in one go for a month and I'm seriously concerned about my husband, who feels totally helpless and like we've ruined our lives.

Some additional info:

1. exclusively breastfed
2. husband does a sensitive job within the emergency services and cannot be too sleep deprived so nights are mainly my responsibility
3. doesn't seem to be colic because he can be pacified by holding him upright, doing cycle legs so he passes wind etc but only until he's put down, when he seems like he's in agony again.

I'm worried that this is becoming dangerous: I've fallen asleep holding/ feeding him in bed a couple of times now. Mainly, I hate seeing him in such distress. Am I being unreasonable to think this is more than just newborn behaviour?

What do I do now? GP? Or do I just need to get used to this until it passes? Should I cut things like dairy out of my diet? Please help me because I'm desperate and at the moment, although I love my son, I don't like being his Mum and I hate that I've made this decision when I was happy anyway before having him.

Also I will probably get slammed for this but if you are really struggling it could be worth trying formula for a few days and see if this improves things. DD (baby number 3) was prem and couldn't bf, I expressed at first but as it dried up had to give formula. She was so much easier with it. It fills them up and they sleep. I may sound awful, I know breast is important and but your mental health and happiness are important too. Do what you have to do, the fact you care shows you are a good mum.

On the subject of dummies, the American Academy of Pediatrics actually recommends giving babies dummies when they go to sleep as it's been found to lower the risk of SIDs. So if anyone is snobby about it tell them that.

I have a relatively easy baby but he still has a dummy to go to sleep. My attitude is why make him suffer when something so simple comforts him and helps him go to sleep more easily.

I could've written your post, my baby girl is 10 weeks this week. She also had thrush and was given those drops, explosive nappies, then constipated. Always fussy and writhing in pain during and after feeds, kept coming of my breast and almost choking herself, was exactly the same sleepwise, I got to six weeks with no sleep longer than a period of two hours GP and health visitor suggested colic (so tried infacol) but I didn't think it was that, infacol didn't work, suggested reflux so did the feeding upright, keeping her upright etc, didn't work. I cut out all dairy and within a few days she improved massively, introduced it again and she reverted back to how she'd been. Have now not had any for two weeks and she's napping through the day for 45mins (asleep now )and sleeping at night, probably waking twice or three times for feed/new nappy. Granted we are safe co-sleeping because I think she likes the closeness but it's the best thing I did. The no dairy is hard because it's in so many things but definitely worth it! Good luck, youngsve my sympathies because I was exhausted and so stressed worrying why she was like that x

Could be that your milk is letting down too fast, or you have an over supply, these can cause bad gas and lots of crying in the baby. You can google what to do but it will settle down in time.

It’s quite normal to not be able to put a baby down and for them to only sleep on you. Get a bed guard and plan to co sleep, feed him lying down and when he falls asleep no need to move him. Good luck it gets easier x

I think the thing to absorb from all these posts. Is that this is not normal. You are not doing something wrong. First time mum doesn't mean you are a fool.

Another one here with dairy intolerance. Reflux. Fast let down making things worth as baby gulping gassy fore milk and not fatty filling hind milk. Then having terrible wind.

Exhaustion on this scale does things to you no one knows until they have experienced it.

Go to your GP. Try a breastfeeding consultant. Keep pushing.

Whilst excluding things from your diet may not be scientific with no diagnosis it can't hurt. I went no dairy with my third. BF all of them with varying intolerances. He settled so quickly when I did it. Wish I had done it with all of them. They have all grown out of their intolerances. They were not allergic.

Go for a big shop. Think about breakfast particularly where dairy can be hard to swap. Give it a go.

In the meantime keep him upright as much as you can at the end of the day to get wind out.

And make yourself a decent meal at 4/5 ish to get you through the evening feeds and crying.

Good luck.

@desperatemum17 - Good luck with the HV and great to hear that your Mum is coming to help over Christmas.

You asked about whether any of us enjoyed this bit? I’ll be honest and say no, I didn’t. Not at all. It was so totally not what i’d been expecting. More than that, it felt like the end of everything - or st least everything good.

I think that was the lack of sleep (I was so tired I hallucinated) combined with my apparent powerlessness to help this tiny child. The thing was, I was helping him in the best way I could, just as you are also doing for yours.

Now, when I look back on it, I struggle to remember with any precision exactly what it felt like. I get a sense of an undefined hopelessness and a tiredness that i’ve not had before or sense but nothing more really. And that’s good. I mean, the ability to forget (in a way) and move forwards without those first few months colouring everything that followed was awesome.

As time went on, good bits appeared, like pinpricks of light through a heavy blanket. I remember a walk where he didn’t cry, how he laughed the first time I put him on a swing, his first word, oh, lots of things - and enough that, in time, they assumed far greater significance than those first few months. All this is waiting for you, i’m sure. Hang in there.

Just to check were you swabbed and treated for thrush? (I.e was thrush confirmed?) Where you breastfeed and baby has oral thrush your nipples need to be treated as a matter of course. You will need miconazole cream not gel ( lots of information on the breastfeeding network you can look at).

If you're not treated you and baby will just keep passing it back and forth to each other. There are some really good Facebook groups that provide support with breastfeeding xx

Poor you, it's so tough!

I'm in South London, I'm off work and would gladly come to give you a hand.

Personally I would introduce the dummy, lazy my arse!

for you

This was us a year ago- cows milk protein intolerance was to blame. I cut dairy from my diet and things improved greatly!

He’s still not a wonderful sleeper but we’re definitely getting more than 90 mins at a time! There are some great CMPA support groups on Facebook if you find that this is your issue.

Good luck!

Your son could be like mine and actually have nothing wrong at all. He's an absolute joy at 21 months he is the sweetest baby ever but his first 6 months were absolutely horrendous. I was convinced he must have silent reflux as he I was determined to find a 'fix' for his screaming and uncomfortableness, lack of sleep etc I turned up at a&e a couple of times after listening to his crying non stop for the whole day. He was given special milk every reflux medicine under the sun. Nothing at all helped only time. He eventually became interested in the world, he became mobile he started solids, talking..all these things changed him and helped me to feel more human again. I honestly think he didn't like being a tiny baby and some kids are just happier when they can do more. He was just an irritable high needs baby and from age one I started to get my life back and by little boy is so incredibly loving. I swear to you things will get better, you will sleep again you will get so much love and enjoyment from your son even though it's hard to imagine now. He may well be ill it's best to check with your gp but if he's not just keep ploughing on and things will change I promise. Good luck you can get through this.

Could well be that there's nothing wrong with him and he's just colicky round the clock - my 21 month who is now a delight was like this for the first few months , too.
Feeding him lying down isn't dangerous just don't use a duvet anywhere near him ! Feeding to sleep was the way we survived !

Just seconding what others have said, it sound like possible silent reflux. Definitely see your gp. Friends if ours videod a crying episode so that gp could see how bad it was. Prop up head end of crib a little (large books worked for us) so that he is not lying totally flat.
Our first 2 months with no1 were a bit of a nightmare with barely any sleep.... She seemed to just be very windy and have trouble settling. Hugs to you as sleep deprivation is horrible, and fingers crossed that things improve soon...they will eventually, but doesn't help much when you're actually going through it!

My first two didn’t have dummies and had hideous and constant ear infections and glue ear. Someone pointed an article out to me which suggested dummies help maintain correct pressure in the ears. Third child has had a dummy since birth. Not a single ear infection. That is my answer whenever someone is critical of her dummy. Sanity should be your response, since if it helps you get more sleep then it will be an inestimable benefit to your child as well as you.

Sorry it's taken a while to get back to you - it's absolutely ok to put him on his front with a monitor - if he were to forget to breathe the monitor would pick it up and you could rouse him. However, it's very unlikely to happen - up until 20 years ago all babies slept on their tummies and the vast, vast majority of them were fine. Cot death is VERY rare - I'd only hesitate if you or your partner smoke.

Hello. Sorry you're having such a horrible time. Sounds like reflux to me. Both of mine had it. Best thing I did was to sack the breastfeeding in favour of browns and infant gaviscon with no 2. He was a greedy guts which didn't help! A couple of things to try: A reflux wedge for in the cot which will help keep your baby upright a bit on bed and make them a bit more comfortable. If you cant get one,roll up a towel and put it under the mattress and it will work just as well. You can all put blocks under one end of the cot to lift it up a bit yo help with the angle. Browns bottles are brilliant - they push the air back into the bottle instead of the baby. I know you want to breastfeed - been there done that with the momma guilt about keeping bf or going to the bottle - but expressed milk into the bottle might work. Infant Gaviscon is also a godsend as is infacol (which you can get in the supermarket). Also might be you need to consider weaning early if it is reflux, maybe at the 18-20 week stage (you will know your own baby as to whether you feel comfortable with it or if your baby is ready). Baby also could just be hungry - no 2 came out starving and has continued for 4 years since! I bf but apparently produced too much soup and not enough main course so he was never full despite feeding like fury. I was lucky if i got 20mins between feeds and he could drain both sides plus 2 bottles then go back on again. Murder! Defo see the doc and don't be fobbed off. You know your own child (it might not feel like it but you do) and look after you. Last thing you need is to end up with pnd (been there done that too!) in the midst of this. It will get better. It absolutely will. Chin up - you are doing a fantastic job x x x

I echo all the other posters and think this sounds exactly like silent reflux alongside cows milk protein intolerance. The symptoms sound exactly like my ds who had this.

Definitely yes to dummy if you find it helps your baby. Mine like the old fashioned cherry soother types.

Also, some doctors are better at diagnosing this than others so don’t be fobbed off - try and find a sympathetic one who will help. The first doctor I saw told me some babies just cry more than others, but I knew there was something wrong with my ds and I was right. Hypoallergenic formula (prescribed by the dr) & infant gaviscon is finally what sorted things out.

It also helped to to have the him in an open sided cot next to me in bed as I got a lot more sleep as I didn’t have to get out of bed to help him settle!

Finally, although it seems like it will never end, it will get better. Everything in parenthood is a phase!

I could have written this post in the summer. DS has a severe milk allergy and reflux and is like a different baby now. Please don't feel guilty for not enjoying this, it WILL get better. Please talk to your HV or GP.

For us, going onto formula (milk free) was the best decision- I got to sleep, DS wasn't in pain and my mental health stopped suffering. We switched to fully FF at 12 weeks and that's when I stopped regretting having a baby.

Have you got a soft upright(ish) baby seat? Not a car seat as they damage heads, bouncy chairs with thin fabric are good. Some have a vibrating function. I found that would get mine off to sleep when he had reflux by keeping him upright.

Has she been checked for a tongue tie by a specialist (not a gp or a standard midwife, an actual specialist).

4 doctors and 2 midwives said our DS didn't have one. 24hrs later our specialist trained midwife said he had quite a severe posterior tie. It was cut 2 days later and he latched perfectly within 24hrs and never had feeding issues again.

Also your letdown reflex could be far too fast. Try taking baby off the breast every 2-5 minutes minimum, burping and then putting back on. Just like you would burp a bottle fed baby every 1oz.

Though equally he may also just be bloody hungry and not getting enough milk.

Is baby following their percentile after initial weight drop? If not then it very well could be that they're still hungry.

Which also mimics all of the above :(

It's hard to figure out, but for those saying it, cmpa is very rare and it can take up to 6 weeks to even see an effect reflected in your boob milk from cutting out dairy.

Were u treated for thrush at the same time? As it could be that u have passed it back to him

My first had reflux and would projectile vomit across a room. It doesn't too similar to that to be honest.

My second was breastfed and around week 4, she started screaming hysterically nearly all the time and would practically climb up me. We tried gaviscon but it made her constipated and didn't help, I cut out dairy for 7 weeks and there was no improvement. Then I cut out all gluten and she improved massively. Then it was eggs also. About 2 months after eggs and all gluten was out of my diet, she was a different baby. She's 1 now and we are seeing a dietician and paediatrician for her intolerances.

Hey if a dummy works then use it. My DD also only slept on her front. X

My 7 months old son is still frequently being sick despite the fact he's being weaned and eats well. This tends to be a while after he's eaten and often when he's woken up. He's combination fed both BF and formula (he has only just started sleeping for more that 3 hours a night hence the formula!) I assume it's reflux but he's not in any discomfort, with no worries about his weight. Any idea how long it continues or if it's worth taking him to the GP please? Thanks