Please help - desperate with newborn

[desperatemum17]

I really need help. Posting here for traffic.

DS is four weeks old. First couple of weeks were pretty good: he would go three hours between feeds and was easy to settle to sleep. Health visitor then noticed oral thrush and doctor prescribed Nystatin Oral Suspension for a week and a steroid cream to treat associated nappy rash. This cleared up the thrush and bottom wasn't looking sore but he began being extremely fussy after feeds and sometimes during.

For two weeks now, he will writhe and thrash around and scream after feeding. Once or twice a day, this will start while he's on the breast. I burp him straight after feeding and try to keep him upright for 20-30 mins after every feed. Despite this, he cannot be put down. If he drops off being held/ swayed, we then put him down but he wakes screaming within minutes. During the day, he sleeps on me or in our soft sling, at night he wakes every few minutes, screams, feeds to sleep, is put down, wakes, screams etc.

I've not slept for longer than 90 minutes in one go for a month and I'm seriously concerned about my husband, who feels totally helpless and like we've ruined our lives.

Some additional info:

1. exclusively breastfed
2. husband does a sensitive job within the emergency services and cannot be too sleep deprived so nights are mainly my responsibility
3. doesn't seem to be colic because he can be pacified by holding him upright, doing cycle legs so he passes wind etc but only until he's put down, when he seems like he's in agony again.

I'm worried that this is becoming dangerous: I've fallen asleep holding/ feeding him in bed a couple of times now. Mainly, I hate seeing him in such distress. Am I being unreasonable to think this is more than just newborn behaviour?

What do I do now? GP? Or do I just need to get used to this until it passes? Should I cut things like dairy out of my diet? Please help me because I'm desperate and at the moment, although I love my son, I don't like being his Mum and I hate that I've made this decision when I was happy anyway before having him.

When my dd was born, she wouldn't sleep in her basket, only being held. DH and I took it in shifts if three hours at night starting at 7pm so two shifts each and a feed between each shift. Could your husband manage on 6 hours sleep? It worked well for us and would give you some rest while you're working our what the problem is. We did our shifts downstairs, blanket round me and dd, Netflix and a cup of tea.

Hi OP, I could have written your post 14 weeks ago!

In short, go to the GP, as i would say your baby has silent reflux and possible cows milk protein allergy/intolerance. My baby is on omeprazole and infant gaviscon, plus I am dairy and soya free (mostly breastfeeding, but GP prescribed Aptamil Pepti 1 for occasional bottle feeds). The omeprazole in particular made a world of difference, as we went from having to hold her upright most of the time to her being happy on her back. But she still needs to gaviscon, too.

Other things that helped: she sleeps in a coccoonababy nest at night (though she's outgrowing it at four months 😱), and her sling/carrier (an ergobaby) is a godsend. We also stopped using her carry cot after four weeks and bought an infant insert for her pram as that kept her slightly upright rather than flat. Now she's older, equipment that keeps her upright is great, e.g. door bouncer, jumperoo, bumbo. And I second a PP who suggested winding her by rubbing rather than patting.

All strength to you x

@Nomad86 yes, husband would be okay on 6 hours but he feeds almost constantly when he's particularly unsettled during the night. He would want to feed at least once during the three hours. Maybe a dummy would provide the comfort he needs instead

Take a video on your phone of your little one when he is getting himself into a pickle, Make a gp’s appt and don’t be fobbed off by them. Show the gp the evidence of how upset your ds gets.

My grandaughter had colic/reflux, my dd tried infacol/gripe water. The only thing that helped in our situation was Colief - doctors don’t like giving it out on prescription due to it is expensive but you insist. With any luck it will help your ds so much - we found if one of the feeds did bot have the colief added to it we were back to square one.

Hope things improve

I loved the video of Paloma Faith that went viral recently, where she talked about how no one tells you that the first 3 months are pretty much the worst time in your life ever, and the first 6 months are a drag. My baby had reflux and it was hell, plus he seemed to want to feed constantly. At around 3 months he was diagnosed with posterior tongue tie which was snipped, and he started taking ranitidine, both of which really helped. He was still sick a lot but wasn't in pain any more. Now he's a mostly happy, chilled out 9 month old, not the best sleeper but getting much better. We have fun now and I genuinely love being a mum. I used to want to punch anyone who said this in the throat but it will get better, I promise. In the mean time get the help you need, from professionals, family, and even dummies! We introduced a dummy too late and he wouldn't take it, but there were times I would have killed for him to take one.

GD was formula feed.

Have you tried co-sleeping with him in bed with you and your partner in another room? My four week old wakes within seconds of being put in the Moses basket but will happily sleep on the other side of the bed to me.. but only if I’ve warmed up the area with a hot water bottle first!
If you plonk them in a cold mattress they will always wake.
My baby also needs to be held and carried all day long. This is my third child and this is entirely normal. It does pass.
Yes visit your GP but you coos jsut have a normal newborn who wants to be held all the time

Could not coos!

This was my DS. I thought reflux but nothing worked. He had a dairy allergy.
Go to the hv and then gp. Good luck

Another vote for getting (silent) reflux excluded here. My DS (eldest) had it badly and I remember him always screaming or being on the boob. The suggestion I got was prepare a crying and feeding diary (even for 24-48 hours) so you can show a) how bad things are and b) an association. My DS did gain weight ok but only was happy on ranitidine (which is a level up from gaviscon, which didn't do a thing). He remained a firm lover of sleeping in his sling and moving about. I lost my baby weight quickly. My DD was so different that we were in shock and kept on remarking that one baby without reflux plus a toddler was a hell of a lot easier than one screaming refluxy baby and DH and I shared the load. He was in charge of comforting overnight, I was in charge of milk. It was June and we never ever slept more than an hour after another. We got the right stuff in September. A long three months. It is HARD but you'll get through this. But get the help and get him comfortable.

Btw both our kids were dummy addicts. Nothing wrong with that if they are gaining weight.

Hey op, my ds was literally the same up until about 3 months.

He was diagnosed with silent reflux and had all the symptoms you are describing. He is now on ranitidine 3x a day and gaviscon sachets, which worked a treat! ds would not lay on his back and would grunt and groan. I was reluctant at first, but sleeping on his side really helped with the Moses basket tilted up.

for you. It does get better! Ds is over 6 months now and only wakes once or occasionally twice through the night which is a godsend compared to a few months ago. Dp and I used to sleep in shifts so one of us was awake all of the time, with me taking the longer shifts as he worked FT and involved a lot of driving, looking after ds as he would only settle when kept upright. We were exhausted. Once we started the meds, things got better and he gradually started sleeping for longer on his side.

Good luck

Re: dummy brand. Get a couple of different styles/types, and let him try. It can take a while before they like them, and you'll spend your life putting them back in, but if you've got oversupply already, it's a much better idea than feeding for comfort imo.
My DS only wanted the symmetrical types, whereas my DD was picky at first and wanted only ridiculously expensive Dr Brown dummies (and now would pull any dummy from another child's mouth if we let her - dummies are for sleeping only in our household at 1,5yo)

My DD had explosive poo and frequently vomited 3 feet away. I thought it was normal so just did a lot of changing and mopping.

She also cried a lot in the evening so my wise sister said give her a dummy.
I did.
I cried.
My DD was soothed.
I realised it helped DD so I got over it.

(DD was only ever BF. Exclusively for 6 months until solids added and then until 17 months when I was expecting my next.)

Babies can be exhausting and draining. Have breaks when you can and take short cuts with things you need to do. In summary be really kind to yourself.

Did you enjoy any of the first few months? If so, how?

Some bits were lovely. Lots of bits were hell.

And you know it’s OK to say that. It’s really really hard work - it’s hard work with a smiley happy baby but with one where something is going on it’s so so hard.

Firstly I'd say book a Doctors appointment as soon as you can. And be very honest with them about how you're struggling to manage and that you are worried something isn't right. Secondly, buy a shed load of dummies and your DS will take one, use it. Nothing matters except what works for you and your baby. Most "expert" advice is total bollocks frankly.

From what you're explaining I'd say reflux or colic. It is hard work, relentless and exhausting. Try and find a relative that will take over for a night so you can get some sleep too. It will get better, honest, but I remember feeling very cheated that the newborn phase wasn't this bliss I'd expected.......the reality was a nightmare at times .

@desperatemum17 did they treat both of you for thrush? Because if not it's going to be a never ending cycle. As you are breastfeeding your breasts should be treated alongside baby.

My 6mth old has silent reflux (never vomited after feeding) and dairy intolerance. Apparently the latter can cause similar symptoms to silent reflux.
If you go dairy free it takes 6-8weeks to leave your system.
I'd revisit the gp, say you think its silent reflux as your baby wakes screaming every time he's laid flat and ask for infant gaviscon and/or omeprazole. We found gaviscon worked really quickly but were bottle feeding by this time but hopefully it would work as quickly with bf. It may also be worth asking to be referred to a paediatrician too.

@Scoobygang7 - they didn't initially but I did some research and called the GP back the next day so they prescribed me a one off antibiotic - I don't recall the name but it was just a tablet to be taken one time.

Try gripe water

Thank you all for helping me see the light at the end of the tunnel. This morning, I couldn't even visualise surviving one more day, let alone weeks or months but I feel a hell of a lot better now that I've got a plan of action.

I think the dreaded knot in the stomach, slightly sick feeling I get around early evening is probably worse than the reality of being up all night anyway... maybe!

Sounds like DS. He was happy as can be as long as he was being held. As soon as he was put down - in the cot, the moses basket, the car seat, the pram, the floor, the bouncer chair. You name it, he hated it. Went from happy and contented to screaming, red in the face, not breathing, with in seconds, not grumbling first.

Tried everything. Nothing worked. He did not have reflux (silent or otherwise).

He grew out of it. But I didn't sleep for more than 90 minutes for 4 months. Then DH started taking him out for 3 hour walks in the sling early in the morning on his days off, by the time they got back he was screaming to be fed. He was 8 months before I got much more sleep. He's almost 2 now and he's just starting to sleep through.

I won't lie, it was hell. I ended up with PND, thought I'd ruined my life, hated motherhood, wished I'd never had him. It got better though.

Dummies have always been frowned on, mostly sheer snobbery. DS1 had appalling reflux though it wasn't labelled as such 20 years ago. Dummies helped. Not a cure but a little relief. You will need lots.
When DS2 was born and also had reflux I was distraught that he wouldn't take a dummy.
Both DC were copiously sick 24/7. Soaked through bedding and clothing constantly and never slept more than 90 minutes at a stretch for most of the first year.
It's things like this in being a parent that mean it's important to do what you need to do to get through. Never mind what others think. If it gets you a few minutes sleep do it.

Sounds like silent reflux. Search ‘this mama life’ on YouTube.

Another thing that I don't think has been mentioned is that human breast milk (like cow's milk) contains lactose. One of my grandchildren was failing to thrive, with similar symptoms to yours. It turned out to be lactose intolerance, and baby had to go on to specialist formula (and did very well).

My eldest was just like this. Turned out my milk was coming out too fast for him . The lovely baby yoga instructor worked it out when I went in one day in tears from exhaustion. He had to gulp it down so swallowed air and it hurt his tummy. Also gained weight like crazy.

If this could be the case with your baby a few things that helped were feeding lay on my back (slowed the flow a little), expressing a little first so the flow calms before feeding baby, gripe water, and if you're really struggling you could express into a bottle for some of the feeds as the flow is more standard.

By about 4 months he was big enough to keep up with the flow and everything settled down.

The first months are so hard especially with your first and bfing. Every day bleeds into the next and it feels like an eternity but I promise it does get better .

Remember if you are totally exhausted it's sometimes necessary to just put baby down safely and let them cry for a while. This doesn't make you a bad mum you are human and doing your best!