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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or am I being precious

70 replies

Basecamp21 · 09/12/2017 16:57

About 6 months ago myself and my family moved to a small town from a major city. It took me a while to settle down but i have met a group of mums with similer aged children who have made me feel welcome and gradually started including me in their invites to things they are doing.

Last week they mentioned all the mums were going for an Xmas night out - just a meal and drinks in the big town about 10 miles away and they invited me to join them.

None of them mentioned getting home again and I assumed we would be getting taxis and sharing the costs. But I did not ask and so it is totally my fault that I did make this assumption.

Anyway I realised when there that they were all getting picked up by their partners and in one case their mum. They were scooping the kids out of bed, putting them in the car and driving over to collect the mums at about 12 - 1 in the morning. I found this quite shocking - I would never have considered disturbing my children's sleep like this but they all did it as a matter of course.

They also said they did it the other way - picking up partners and friends and family. They also do it on occasions for each other. Some do it almost every weekend.

One of them had room in their car and gave me a lift back and the kids did just stay asleep

So am I being precious in feeling a bit uncomfortable about it - and I know I did accept the lift. My partner and mum think it is terrible and I should never consider it.

Is this common in rural areas and smaller towns where there is no public transport and taxi fares prohibitive.

I hope it has come across that they really are lovely kind people and I had not noticed anything else in their lives that seemed odd. But I would feel uncomfortable always accepting lifts from them if I can't reciprocate. But also feel uncomfortable thinking about doing it....

Genuinely interested in views - should I push my partner to do this or not??

OP posts:
DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 09/12/2017 16:59

I wouldn’t and never have done it. I live in a small town where nightlife is very limited. To go to the city or next big town you’re talking at least £30 for a taxi. So I just stay in a lot Grin

AtrociousCircumstance · 09/12/2017 17:00

No don’t push him to get your kids out of bed! Jesus! Absolutely nuts. Don’t voice that to them, however.

Accept lifts but insist on contributing to petrol costs. Don’t take no for an answer. And when you’re arranging another eve out, make sure you ok a lift home with someone and underline you will be paying towards their costs.

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 09/12/2017 17:01

For things with groups like a work Xmas do or whatever there are usually enough of us to get an 8 seater taxi and we share the cost evenly. Rarely paying more than £10 return which is good going in my books. Could you suggest that?

Mulch · 09/12/2017 17:01

Christ no, my little man would let his feelings be known

AtrociousCircumstance · 09/12/2017 17:01

Or factor in Taxi costs to your budget for the night out.

DillyDilly · 09/12/2017 17:02

Well better to bring the kids than leave them home alone!! No harm!

BrieAndChilli · 09/12/2017 17:02

I would accept lifts from day 3 people and then the next time I would drive and take them all home. That way everyone is getting /giving equal lifts but I would rather not drink than drag the kids out of bed on my turn.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 09/12/2017 17:03

No I wouldn't do it either. Selfish on the children and adult at home.

whoareyoukidding · 09/12/2017 17:05

If it's only once a year I don't see the harm, especially if there's no public transport. As someone else said, it beats leaving the kids alone in the house.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 09/12/2017 17:05

I think it's fine to do this occasionally.

dragonwarrior · 09/12/2017 17:05

We've always done it, as did my parents with me. It isn't regular though maybe a couple of times a year and we have done it when living in London and rurally. I actually am surprised so many replied already horrified.

user1493413286 · 09/12/2017 17:06

I wouldn’t do it to my child for either myself or my partner. I would expect to get a taxi back or drive and not drink if I couldn’t afford the taxi.

KeepServingTheDrinks · 09/12/2017 17:07

If they're all good friends, why don't some of the kids have a sleep over and the other partner do the lifts?

EG
Mary's going out and has 2 children and her partner is Steve
Jane's also coming out. She has 1 child and her partner is Anne.

Jane's child stays at Mary's house. Steve babysits and Anne does the pick ups at the end of the night for both Jane and Mary.

Wouldn't this work if both partners do it for the other?

No way would I be getting DD up after she's asleep unless it's an emergency or really can't be helped. [my DD's 16 now, so not so relevant, but def when she was younger]

Appuskidu · 09/12/2017 17:09

No-I’d rather drive.

Pengggwn · 09/12/2017 17:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ilovetolurk · 09/12/2017 17:10

We always did this for nights out near Christmas when you could either not be able to book a taxi
Taxi didn’t show as had got a better fare
Or 2 hours wait at the station taxi queue

and that’s in a city

YABU I’m afraid

ReinettePompadour · 09/12/2017 17:12

I live in a small rural market town. This is very common. Ive done it myself, bundling kids into the car at midnight and driving to collect DH from work, not a night out though.

When theres no public transport or any work collegues living in your direction and only 1 car between you then its the only real option.

I got a taxi once at 11.30pm from the next town over (around 8 miles) and it cost me almost £40 because I hadnt prebooked and it was a Friday night. I'd rather not pay that sort of figure for a taxi on a night out.

Spartaca · 09/12/2017 17:13

It wouldn't cross my mind that this was odd tbh. I mean, we haven't done it, we don't tend to go out that much but get the bus or taxi if we need to but equally I don't really see why you are so shocked about this. It really isn't a big deal! As you say yourself l, the child was asleep. We used to get bundled in the back of the car with a duvet on occasion to pick my dad up from work in the middle of the night and used to love it.

WorraLiberty · 09/12/2017 17:14

Is this common in rural areas and smaller towns where there is no public transport and taxi fares prohibitive.

Why don't you ask them, or are you afraid they'll pick up on your judgemental attitude and stop offering you lifts?

TheFairyCaravan · 09/12/2017 17:14

I’ve always lived rurally right from being a teen. When I went out I either stayed at a mates or didn’t drink and drove home. When my kids were small I’d have rather had a glass of lemonade and done the driving than dragged them out of bed.

Now our kids are early twenties we take them one way and they share a taxi with their mates home, however it’s not unheard of for one of them not to drink tbh

claraschu · 09/12/2017 17:19

Really nice that people share lifts! Doesn't hurt kids at all- we travelled a lot with ours, sometimes leaving in the small hours, and it just made them more flexible and easy going, I think.

If I were you I would reciprocate sometimes; you can always just choose not to drink once in a while and take several of them back with you, if you don't want to bother your husband and children.

MiddlingMum · 09/12/2017 17:23

I did it occasionally, it never occurred to me it was a problem. The DC stayed asleep, DH got collected - or I did when he did the driving.

Amanduh · 09/12/2017 17:25

Yes yabu and others. Shocked and horrified, really? Who cares. My dc (ive never done it) would sleep. Get over it

MsHarry · 09/12/2017 17:26

No I'd never dream of lifting a sleeping child from a warm bed unless the house was on fire! I'd share a taxi or drive.

Mumof56 · 09/12/2017 17:29

A few adults sharing a taxi on a 10 mile trip isn't going to break the bank.