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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be mad at DH

74 replies

KingLear · 08/12/2017 21:55

DH had an office Christmas party today. I've been home all day with DC as usual and the flu. He said he would be back at 8pm, called at 8 to say he was 10 minutes away and just came in not long ago. Came home drunk and slurring. Wanted to get started on the booze at home; I told him no.
This is standard behaviour every time he goes out. I get so angry that sometimes I think I hate him. AIBU to feel this way?

OP posts:
AuntLydia · 08/12/2017 21:58

If you're poorly and need him home to sort the kids yanbu. Generally speaking though, if you were well, then coming in pissed at 10ish from an office Xmas party doesn't seem that bad.

JollyGiraffe · 08/12/2017 22:00

You expected him to come home sober from a Christmas party at 8pm? Isn't that when all the fun starts? Confused

It's unfortunate you are stuck at home with a cold, I understand why you're a bit unhappy. But if you were happy with him going to the party, you can't expect him not to have fun?

He is BU to try and start on the booze when he gets home!

YABU to hate him based on him having fun when he goes out.

When you're feeling better go on your own night out with friends, and he can stay at home. You need to make sure you're doing that more regularly to ease any resentment...

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 08/12/2017 22:00

How often does he go out and get hammered? Office Christmas parties tend to be once a year.

Mumof56 · 08/12/2017 22:01

It was his christmas party. There's nothing wrong with having a few drinks with colleagues. He's home before 10pm.

I told him no Hmm

arethereanyleftatall · 08/12/2017 22:02

Does he got out every day, or very rarely?
I like to get drunk enough to fall in a bush at least once a year, and I don't think that makes me a bad person.

Original poster
KingLear · 08/12/2017 22:02

He goes out with friends as well and does same. Blind drunk, sometimes with a kebab and reaching for the wine/beer at home. One time was so blind drunk that he left the front door unlocked Angry

OP posts:
WhoWants2Know · 08/12/2017 22:03

If you’re poorly at home, then I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask him to come home sober at 8.

I really don’t see why an adult needs to be drunk at all.

Mumof56 · 08/12/2017 22:04

Jeesh, not a kebab. Have you not told him his social life is over and he needs to sit at home staring adoringly at you EVERY night?

RJnomore1 · 08/12/2017 22:04

It's 10pm. I doubt you have flu. A kebab is not an issue.

Is there something else going on that you feel so resentful?

Janus · 08/12/2017 22:07

I imagine the kids were probably in bed at 8pm so did it really make much difference if he came home at 8pm or 9.45pm? It’s Christmas! But I would say no matter how awful he feels he can get up and deal with the kids in the morning, I’d much rather have a lie in than a husband in at 8pm!!

Original poster
KingLear · 08/12/2017 22:08

Mumof56
I'm not saying that he should pack in his social life! Just asked him to be home early tonight.
And yes a kebab! I like them myself but I don't fancy cleaning sauce off my walls in the morning.

OP posts:
AuntLydia · 08/12/2017 22:08

Ooh Rj, you must be some kind of incredible medical expert to diagnose people you don't even know and can't see via the Internet. I've been having some digestive issues lately and wondering if it's IBS - what do you reckon? I see you don't even need a list of symptoms for diagnosis!

MrsPicklesonSmythe · 08/12/2017 22:09

If the kids are in bed anyway what's the problem? He was home before 10 from a Christmas work do. I don't get the issue tbh.

WorraLiberty · 08/12/2017 22:10

I really don’t see why an adult needs to be drunk at all.

I don't think need was mentioned, was it?

Sorry to hear you're unwell OP. Hope you're better soon.

Original poster
KingLear · 08/12/2017 22:11

I was wondering same about RJ too

The issue is he is blind drunk and noisy atm. Also I can't count on having a lie in tomorrow because he will feel too awful to look after DC

OP posts:
RJnomore1 · 08/12/2017 22:14

Anyone with proper flu would firstly be incapable of caring for children all day and secondly the last thing they would want to do is post rantingly and repeatedly online. I don't require a medical degree to understand the debilitation that influenza causes nor the confusion many people have between "flu" and a bad cold.

Original poster
KingLear · 08/12/2017 22:17

Lol RJ you have just made me laugh with that one.
Just out of curiosity what do you do if you have the flu, home with DC and DH has to go to work?
And I have to rant to feel better you see. Better to get it out here than telling a friend or anyone else who knows us personally

OP posts:
Kentnurse2015 · 08/12/2017 22:18

I agree with @RJnomore1 about flu. You wouldn't even know what time it was!

I get you're not well and have had children to look after but it is his Christmas party. Could you not have got someone else to help if you were so ill? I just go to bed when the children do when i'm so unwell. Don't even notice DH get home!

GreenRut · 08/12/2017 22:18

I am the crowned Queen of insisting my dh realises he has a young family and that social occasions need to be accordingly tempered. However, even I, the Queen (did I mention that?!) think you are BU. 10pm from a Christmas do, a bit drunk. Fine.

Howsthings1234 · 08/12/2017 22:21

I think you are maybe being a bit harsh as it was his Christmas party. Maybe go up to bed and watch some tv and try to forget it this time. Not worth getting into an argument over. Just make sure you plan an evening out soon when you are feeling better and leave him to sort the kids then.

RJnomore1 · 08/12/2017 22:21

If and when I have been as unwell as a proper flu makes you, if I was due to rovide childcare that day, dh had to use his right to unpaid leave to arrange childcare.

If I had a cold and felt a bit rubbish, I'd have taken some lemsip andsoldiered through.

And if my dh had put kebab sauce anywhere he would have cleared it up himself when he sobered up.

What's really going on op?

Original poster
KingLear · 08/12/2017 22:21

GreenRut

Slightly drunk I don't mind, I said he is drunk. Also was going to drink some more soon as he got in

OP posts:
Catsshoes777 · 08/12/2017 22:21

I can't diagnose over the internet either OP. Maybe it isn't flu.

Or maybe it is - and you were looking after DC because you HAD to. Because DH was out getting plastered.

Yeah it's a shame it was on the night of his Xmas do but shit happens.

Hope he makes it up to you tomorrow KingLear!! People are right about you having nights out too. Taste of his own medicine!! Angry

Nottheduchessofcambridge · 08/12/2017 22:22

So do you have the flu or might it be a cold OP. They are totally different things. One would leave you unable to move let alone care for children and the other would leave you feeling poorly. I think on a Christmas works nights out, your OH has done well to be home this early, I certainly wouldn’t expect to see my OH before 11! Yes it’s crap looking after kids when you feel under the weather and it will make you feel resentful but he’s home now.

GertrudeCB · 08/12/2017 22:22

Yabu about the works Xmas doo but yanbu if he regularly gets shitfaced and makes loads of noise and mess when he gets in.
Hope you feel better soonFlowers