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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be mad at DH

74 replies

KingLear · 08/12/2017 21:55

DH had an office Christmas party today. I've been home all day with DC as usual and the flu. He said he would be back at 8pm, called at 8 to say he was 10 minutes away and just came in not long ago. Came home drunk and slurring. Wanted to get started on the booze at home; I told him no.
This is standard behaviour every time he goes out. I get so angry that sometimes I think I hate him. AIBU to feel this way?

OP posts:
DailyMailDontStealMyThread · 08/12/2017 22:22

10pm for a Christmas party is very early

Original poster
KingLear · 08/12/2017 22:25

RJ

My DH would NEVER take the day off if I begged him on my shaky knees. He didn't even take time off when I had DC. I haven't got my parents here, they live miles away. I have learned to just carry on as much as I can.
Also the sauce on the wall may be there a while until he feels better before he cleans it so I just do it myself.

OP posts:
RJnomore1 · 08/12/2017 22:26

And there's your problem.

In what ways does he parent and does he support you?

VladmirsPoutine · 08/12/2017 22:27

I bloody hate the 'you can't have flu' brigade on MN. It's so fucking tedious. Unless you are delirious, sweating and can't even lift an eyelid whilst hallucinating that you are literally King Lear - you cannot possibly have flu.

Anyway, Yabu. You are not his keeper. Can't believe anyone gets home from their Xmas party before 10pm. You sound like you've got the arse. Let it go.

Originalfoogirl · 08/12/2017 22:28

Mr Foo thinks he is going to be home at 8pm from his do next Friday. I’m pretty certain that won’t happen. Did you really think he would be home by 8?

user1492958275 · 08/12/2017 22:29

That all sounds very reasonable to me.

Why did you expect him back at 8 o clock? What time did this party start?

Unless this is a weekly thing, YABU.

Original poster
KingLear · 08/12/2017 22:30

He looks after DC when I'm at work on nights/weekends. He really loves DC, DC adores him. He pays most of our bills too as I am working part time.

OP posts:
JoshHommesWife · 08/12/2017 22:30

If a man said all you said to a woman, everyone would be calling him controlling and to LTB

YABU.

confusedandemployed · 08/12/2017 22:31

I'm very glad I'm not married to you OP.

rachelracket · 08/12/2017 22:32

you're not BU. people are awful, horrid when they drink. ruin themselves. i wouldn't/don't want that around my child.

DuchessofManchester · 08/12/2017 22:32

Yabu. 10pm is very early for a night out. Do you have an issue with him going out and having a good time generally?

Tallia · 08/12/2017 22:33

Apparently you do need a medical degree to understand the difference between the flu and a cold RJnomore1

Flu is caused by the influenza virus, a cold isn't. End of.

The flu CAN be a really horribly serious disease - including killing people, but just as not everyone who gets the flu will die, not everyone will have the same set of serious symptoms. That also includes that some people will get very mild versions of it. And just like most things the severity of it depends where in the course of the disease you are. The first day you might not feel too rough, later on you might then feel worse.

And given that KingLear didn't even describe her symptoms you don't even know whether she'd meet any of the standard symptoms based ways of diagnosing flu (which are more based upon clinical significance not actually whether or not someone has the influenza virus - and thus flu)

(Sorry for the rant, it's a bug bear of mine, that people say you can't possibly have the flu because you aren't ill enough - it's total bs, and is always used to minimise the way someone's actually feeling).

Kentnurse2015 · 08/12/2017 22:34

Vladimirs / have you ever had full-blown flu? It is utterly debilitating to the point where you certainly couldn't mumsnet!

RadioGaGoo · 08/12/2017 22:35

Sorry OP, you are going to get accused of being controlling on this one. Probably because you are not as cool as all the other wives Wink

StarWarsFanatic · 08/12/2017 22:38

Lying about being on his way home is a bit of a dick move. I would point out to him, when he is sober, that you are sick of him getting sloshed every time he goes out. My OH does it like once a year, but it always seems to be when I have to be up early that he is making the racket when he comes in. He also calls me when he is on the way home from these nights to ask if I want food from the takeaway and doesn't take no for an answer so gets me something so I don't understand the need for the phone call Hmm. But he is always so sweet and apologetic about it I don't have the heart to be annoyed.

GardenGeek · 08/12/2017 22:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kentnurse2015 · 08/12/2017 22:39

@Tallia, it's not bs if a person is saying they have flu while typing on an Internet forum and have looked after their children. It's not flu. It's a virus but not influenza unless they are incredibly lucky

JollyGiraffe · 08/12/2017 22:40

Grin knew this would turn into a flu debate

RadioGaGoo · 08/12/2017 22:40

Well maybe the OP is lucky then Kentnurse

DownstairsMixUp · 08/12/2017 22:42

Eh surprised at a nurse claiming all flus are the same. I'm a nurse to, there's many different strains and people's severity of them varies wildely...

Feel better soon op, he sounds like a bit of a dick. It's the worst being ill with the kids.

Phineyj · 08/12/2017 22:43

YANBU. The thing about Christmas is, it comes every year. I missed a load of Christmas events a couple of years ago due to illness. What does a party really matter compared to leaving your co-parent looking after children they don't feel well enough to look after?

Mind you, if he didn't take time off when you gave birth it should probably not have been unexpected...crikey...

RainbowWish · 08/12/2017 22:44

I don't think he has done anything wrong yet.
But as for tomorrow, hangover or not, I would be kicking him out the bed to spend the day with dcs as it's his day off and you need the rest.
2 paracetamol and he will be fine.

frogmellah · 08/12/2017 22:44

Meh everyone gets a free pass when it's their Christmas do, right?
How awful do you feel? Are kids in bed? In my head if my dh has missed bedtime he might as well stay out!

AuntLydia · 08/12/2017 22:45

I'm actually surprised medical professionals don't use the question 'but can you mumsnet though?' when they diagnose flu now Hmm

RJnomore1 · 08/12/2017 22:48

If he's home at 10 he won't be that hungover unless he absolutely hammers it in a brief time.

Loving your children and paying bills is a pretty low bar op. How does he make YOU feel overall?

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