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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be mad at DH

74 replies

KingLear · 08/12/2017 21:55

DH had an office Christmas party today. I've been home all day with DC as usual and the flu. He said he would be back at 8pm, called at 8 to say he was 10 minutes away and just came in not long ago. Came home drunk and slurring. Wanted to get started on the booze at home; I told him no.
This is standard behaviour every time he goes out. I get so angry that sometimes I think I hate him. AIBU to feel this way?

OP posts:

RJnomore1 · 08/12/2017 22:50

And opthis isn't aimed at you but this is the NHS differential between a flu and a cold:

givemesteel · 08/12/2017 22:51

Yabu there is only one work Xmas party a year and you've made him leave before it's really started.

I don't believe you are so ill that he had to come back, surely your dc are in bed or nearly in bed by 8 so he's not coming back to help you out. Sounds like because youre not having a nice time you don't want him to either.

Sorry but I agree with pp that 'flu' is melodramatic, I expect you've got an unpleasant virus, which is not the same as actual flu.

Layla8 · 08/12/2017 22:51

You don’t have ‘flu, you have a cold. Colds are shit and make you feel totally crappy. ‘Flu renders you incapable of movement or thought, except that you want to die. Yes, that is coming from a medic.

KERALA1 · 08/12/2017 22:52

When I had flu I couldn't go online or care for a baby. Dh had it too and my parents were away. We were so desperate I rang my aunt who lived 50 miles away my uncle drove over and looked after our pfb for 3 days. Never forgotten his kindness (nor how ill we were).

Pippa12 · 08/12/2017 22:52

A little bit unreasonable yes... but its ok to feel frustrated/jealous after a tough day with the children whilst the men are out having a ball.

My inebriated husband has just returned hiccuping and swaying with a kebab in hand... im a little miffed he will probably snore and trump all night whilst breathing kebab breath on me... but he's home at a reasonable time, merry and he really really deserves a night out.

I used to get upset- but now I've realised im not angry with him- im jealous its not me having the fun. Try to go to sleep and gloat whilst he is spewing in the morning

NapQueen · 08/12/2017 22:54

Isnt that just drunk though?

Sometimes I roll in with a greasy pizza. Shit food just tastes the best when one is rat arsed.

Pippa12 · 08/12/2017 22:54

I would like to add the bugger has been out since midday

RadioGaGoo · 08/12/2017 22:55

Funny how the medics can't agree. Bit worrying that.

rudolphtherat · 08/12/2017 22:56

I think you’re being ABU unless there’s a massive backstory. It’s a Christmas do. No one leaves at 8!

RJnomore1 · 08/12/2017 22:57

OOh good point pippa. I'm presuming he finished work at 5. If he's been out since lunch he will be in a bad way tomorrow.

LuluJakey1 · 08/12/2017 23:08

DH - who is worse than useless after 2 pints- came back from his 5 aside Christmas night out last year with a big face drawn on his stomach, a huge carton of fried rice and someone else’s hat and scarf.
Turned out BIL - who is an art therapist - had been pissed and drawn faces on the stomachs of anyone in the pub who wanted one. Apparently there was a huge queue.

BuggersMuddle · 08/12/2017 23:12

Geez, the flu experts are out in force. I've had flu a couple of years ago when the vaccine coverage was poor and was 200 miles from home. I got myself home in the car in early flu and it was one of the most miserable experiences of my life, but funnily enough, I didn't have a great deal of choice. I spent the next week in bed.

If the Xmas do was lunch YANBU. DH and I have both had ours. I was picked up rather drunk at 7:30pm. DH rocked up at 9pm but was relatively sober & got up the next day on time. We have no illnesses and no DC to consider. It's absolutely not unreasonable to expect someone going for a boozy lunch to get home in a state to be useful the following morning.

coalit · 08/12/2017 23:15

I've had flu and had to look after children, when there's no other option you just have to do your best, even if that means laying on the sofa and hoping they don't kill each other while you doze.

Not all flu is the same, but it's very different to a cold.

guestofclanmackenzie · 08/12/2017 23:19

Sorry but YABU.

I would be making an exception as its his Xmas party. Let it go.

saladdays66 · 08/12/2017 23:22

My DH would NEVER take the day off if I begged him on my shaky knees. He didn't even take time off when I had DC.

Well, there's your problem right there. He's a lazy and shite parent. It's not just about the Xmas night out...

NowtAbout · 08/12/2017 23:29

How old are the DC? If they are still awake gone 8 aren't they old enough to put themselves in bed?

NowtAbout · 08/12/2017 23:32

Saladays is right though he sounds a twat most of the time. What's the point of him?

RavingRoo · 08/12/2017 23:40

I’ve had the flu and joint pain is often so bad I can’t pick up my phone or ipad let alone type a MN post on it. I can’t even lift my limbs sometimes and certainly wouldn’t be able to get out of bed.

NobodysChild · 08/12/2017 23:51

If you're feeling crap, why wait up 'til your DH gets home, I'd have put myself to bed.
Seems like you have been looking for an excuse to berate him with in the morning. 8,9,or 10pm is not late by any means. plus it's the weekend, so where's the problem?

Nanny0gg · 08/12/2017 23:52

Whether the OP has full blown influenza or a very bad cold that is leaving her feeling very ill, there is no need for the nasty answers she is getting. Can't anyone disagree with a poster without being spiteful any more? And not everyone suffers the same way with every illness.

Her 'D' H agreed to be home by 8. He wasn't. He came home drunk and useless and that seems to be a permanent state (the useless part).

Is she not entitled to be unhappy about that?

Frillyhorseyknickers · 08/12/2017 23:58

One time was so blind drunk that he left the front door unlocked

😂😂 what a complete and utter bastard OP. (Unless you live somewhere like Barnsley and then definitely LTB because that is a shit cunt thing to do)

AnnaT45 · 08/12/2017 23:59

I've heard several drs say you know you have the flu if someone drops a £50 note in front of you and can't be bothered to pick it up. I used to think that was nonsense. Then I got flu. I would not be able to be on my phone like you are. But maybe I had a bad case. Either way if you're very unwell and DH won't take a day off to support you then that's a problem.

8pm seems very early. Don't most dos start at 7.30?!

Gaudeamus · 09/12/2017 05:31

I find really drunk people quite offensive too so I'd be annoyed as well, but I'd not act on it because getting drunk once in a while is a normal thing most adults want to do so it's not really fair to complain.

I'd probably ask him to sleep on the sofa next time so he doesn't disturb you coming in.

Ethylred · 09/12/2017 05:48

There is an issue here.
Not rocking up late and drunk once a year, but getting drunk frequently.

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