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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why you didn't breastfeed?

369 replies

MakingABoobOfIt · 08/12/2017 19:25

For starters, this is NOT meant to be a goady thread, and I'm a longtime MNer but have name changed to avoid outing myself Grin

I'm a Uni student, and have an essay coming up for which I would like to know reasons Mums decide not to breastfeed. Research shows that the majority of mums want to breastfeed but either start and stop pretty quickly, or don't start at all. So if this was the case for you, I would be so grateful if you'd be happy to tell me about what influenced your decision (friends, media, etc) and what might have caused you to decide to breastfeed (more support, less stigma, etc)?

Thank you in advance wise ones.

OP posts:
WipsGlitter · 08/12/2017 20:43

DS1 I really wanted to. Couldn't get the hang of it. Nipples were agony - chaffed and bleeding. Crying every time I tried to feed him (me). Midwife no help.

DS2 postnatal diagnosis of Down's syndrome- felt I had enough to cope with frankly.

londonrach · 08/12/2017 20:44

Friend...no way wanted to as abused as a child

Mn hate me for this...

Me.....my sister breastfeed for over a year, had terrible pnd, and struggled to bond with dc, didnt sleep for 6 years and still struggles with youngest due to co sleeping and breast feeding (6 years later) begged me not to. As it turned out dd didnt want to latch and accepted that as best decision ever. Dd bonded amazing with dh and myself, slept well and both dh and i were functioning adults. Shes bright, healthy and the light of our life! But mn hate me saying that. I make pleasant talk to other mums re breastfeeding but im am soooo grateful i formula feed dd. In those early days i went to bed at 8pm and dh bought dd to me changed and feed at 11pm. He then slept till normal waking time whilst i did the 1am feed having slept before. I got to the stage i could get dd fed and down again in 15 minutes although those night time hugs were amazing!

UnicornRainbowColours · 08/12/2017 20:44

My boss (I’m a Nanny) wanted to but my charge had a Tonge tie and sadly her midwives/health visitor weren’t very supportive and made her feel like she was starving the baby so gave up.

MrsU88 · 08/12/2017 20:45

DC1...mastitis, GP suggested FF while I recovered and then refused breast afterward so had to stop.

DC2....refused completely. wouldn't take breast so expressed but refused breastmilk from a bottle.

Original poster
MakingABoobOfIt · 08/12/2017 20:46

@SheRasBra I 100% agree, thank you for posting Smile

OP posts:
Mummyontherun86 · 08/12/2017 20:46

I breastfed my second but not my first child. That was because he lost weight and after 5 months of expressing every feed and numerous feeding consultants, TT divisions we concluded that my baby just didn’t have the ability to latch. Most likely this was due to a combination of her mouth shape and that I hadn’t been able to hold/skin to skin/attempt to feed for over 12 hours at birth due to my birth injuries and surgery.

Second time was a different story.

Sometimes you don’t ‘choose not to breastfeed’ and I really reject the language of choice being used.

secmumlaley · 08/12/2017 20:47

I lasted a week with my 1st. Had a very bad night with DD where I was feeding non stop. Nipples were bleeding. Mum came round and told me to bottle feed.

I believe I was not confident at all and support received from hv and mw was conflicting.

However, am still ebf my second at four months. Your more confident with 2nd and which made it easier to keep at feeding.

wasMissD · 08/12/2017 20:47

I tried BF for the first two weeks, but it was a disaster from the word go. Midwives in hospital all taught me different methods to attach him, but he wouldn't do it if they weren't there! One time I had TWO midwives doing it on me, and I just thought "I won't have 6 hands at Home".
Son just wouldn't latch on properly, then he would use me as a dummy for 2 hours, so I'd get an hour off before he needed me again for a couple of hours. It was exhausting and stressful. I didn't know if he was getting enough milk, and had to keep topping him up with formula.
Decided after many tears that I'd had enough, and for me, it was the best decision. Son has slept through the night since 8 weeks old as well (he's 4 months now). We're both very happy Smile

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 08/12/2017 20:48

The thought of breastfeeding made my skin crawl. I also hate being touched in general so it's just not for me.

wasMissD · 08/12/2017 20:48

Also he lost a high percentage of his weight in the first week (more than he should), so midwives kept visiting every few days to make sure he was gaining weight. Was so stressful.

Doubletrouble42 · 08/12/2017 20:49

Fantastic post sherasbra.

Original poster
MakingABoobOfIt · 08/12/2017 20:50

@Mummyontherun86 yeah absolutely, I deliberately didn't use the word 'choice' as that would imply all feeding options are equally available and accessible, and that is definitely not the case in this country!

OP posts:
iamyourequal · 08/12/2017 20:51

Hi OP. I breastfed my first DC for 15 months. Was determined I was doing it aftet reading all the literature whilst pregnant. Stayed in hospital 3 days following birth and got it established (some midwives supportive, some suggested I give up). For DC 2 I was booted out the hospital the next day. I though baby was breastfeeding well but she wasn't. After a few days BFING at home I was in absolute agony at every feed and gave up. I've always felt terrible about this but the pain was terrible and health visitor no help at all. FWIW now, DC2 is super healthy and never off school sick. DC1 ( Breastfed for over a year) has missed far more days of nursery/school from sickness than DC2. If it was the other way around I know I would be blaming myself!

MadameRaleuse · 08/12/2017 20:51

This will out me but I am milk-phobic.

Ever since I was a young child I have hated seeing, smelling, drinking, touching milk. (Apparently I left a cup of milk on a hot radiator when very young then drank it.)

I never imagined that it would be the same for milk from my body. So I thought I would breast feed, and totally coped with the drippy colostrum first few days.

But once the milk came in it drove me mad. Literally having milk on me all the time, dripping from me. Worse in a shower. I could always smell it.

It meant that I was constantly stressed and squirming, so with both kids I mix fed until it had run dry. At least with formula I didn't have to touch it, or smell it (except when they vommed it up).

It's a real shame as both mine took to bf really easily, and I produced masses of milk. But life with a newborn is tough enough, and I dreaded every feed after day .

As it turns out I was pretty ill after one of my births, several weeks later, something unrelated, and it was good that I had started to ff as I was hospitalised for a few weeks.

With the other one I EBF the first couple of days, then mix fed.

I won't have a third but if I did I would do the same again, keeping it as stress free as possible for both of us.

LemonScentedStickyBat · 08/12/2017 20:51

Are you familiar with Amy Brown’s work, OP? I haven’t read Breastfeeding Uncovered yet but I believe this is basically what it is about.

44PumpLane · 08/12/2017 20:52

I had twins and immediately began to bf while in recovery.

However I hemorrhaged terribly while still in recovery and had to be rushed into emergency surgery.

I spent several days in intensive care attempting to bf but I had lost a huge volume of blood that they were unable to replace due to a complication.

I was also unable to replace my fluids while in intensive care due to the medical team not knowing what had caused one of my issues (fluid on the lungs).

For 12 weeks I bf my twins, then did a formula top up and then expressed (using a hospital grade Medellin pump loaned to me by the NHS).

After 12 weeks I was too exhausted to continue and had reached my personal goal.

My babies averaged one breast milk feed per day due to excessively low supply- but they got that feed for 12 weeks.

I wish I could have continued but I'm actually rather proud of myself for getting as far as I did.

GypsieQueen · 08/12/2017 20:52

I desperately wanted to. At my antenatal classes, all I was told was that I would have loads of milk literally pouring out my breasts. In reality I had an emergency C Section and lost a lot of blood which meant I had low milk supply. I tried to breastfeed but was kept in hospital for a week after my baby was born and was forced to put my daughter on formula immediately as she had lost too much weight according to the hospital, despite that she weighed almost 10 pounds at birth. As she was taking formula she wasn't needing my milk so much and wasn't sucking on my breasts very much which meant my body didn't feel the need to produce much milk. As a result, my milk supply continued to be very low. I feel very let down by the hospital for not encouraging me to pump in order to stimulate milk production. I wrote a letter of complaint about this but they just fobbed me off with a pack of lies. In the end my daughter was formula fed but I think that if the hospital had advised me properly she could have been breast fed. My daughter is now two and a half and constantly unwell since starting nursery. I do wonder if her immune system would have been a lot stronger if I had breastfed.

ByThePowerOfRa · 08/12/2017 20:52

I was planning to EBF DC1 for a minimum of 3 months. We managed EBF for a few days until dd fell sick, a few days after she was born. She had to be tube fed when she was admitted to hospital and she had to have some formula, as I had no expressed milk to give them. I then expressed in hospital, (though she also had some formula), until I fell ill as well, was feeling rubbish, but trying to pump one day in hospital and absolutely nothing came out. I managed to express again after I was admitted in a different ward and hooked up to drips and things, so I had made a bit of a recovery, (as had dd). But anyway, we ended up having to mix-feed. We did that for two months and then I was prescribed the combined pill as contraception by a GP and that seemed to dry up my milk supply. I only found out later that was possibly the reason it dried up. I don’t know if I’d have kept going otherwise or not.

I’m expecting dc2 now and will definitely try again.

Original poster
MakingABoobOfIt · 08/12/2017 20:53

Two issues are jumping out at me (aside from the shameful lack of support in general) - one is the amount of sexual abuse experiences, which is so so sad. The other is the amount of women expressing dislike of being touched/general disgust at the thought of breastfeeding, which is definitely not discussed much in research.

OP posts:
loz12345 · 08/12/2017 20:54

Dc1 was low birth weight but absolutely healthy and refused to latch on, absolutely no support in hospital (this was 7 years ago) just told that because of his weight if he didn't have at least 3 feeds we wouldn't be able to leave so felt pressured to try formula- he ended up weaning on dr orders at 4 months as he just didn't take to formula either.

DC2 (born 5 months ago) born in a different hospital he couldn't maintain his body temp and I was advised that doing skin to skin wouldn't work to help stabilise it as I am naturally cold, after a long conversation with the midwife in the middle of the night we decided giving him heated formula would help with his temp as this would be warmer than breast milk and they could monitor how much he was taking it worked a treat.

I really wanted to try but to be honest even if I could have I am not sure I would have been able to as I was warned about leaking and swollen breasts it never happened I didn't leak a drop and boobs didn't change size or become sore

SammySays · 08/12/2017 20:54

I tried for a month before myself and medical professionals realised I wasn’t really producing any milk. I formula fed and tried pumping constantly to try to boost my supply but it didn’t work. After week 5 of producing 10mls max each day I gave up. Also it made me feel so ill, I was close to vomiting each time I pumped or my DD latched on. Apparently it’s to do with a hormone that releases when you BF and it makes a small percentage of people sick to do so. I was pretty unlucky but would definitely try again if I had a second child.

Heratnumber7 · 08/12/2017 20:55

Bloody and sore nipples, and mastitis which led to an op under GA to have an abscess drained (DD1). After all that, couldn't face it with DD2

EllaNB · 08/12/2017 20:55

I had twins who were very tiny and were not immediately able to latch, I was feeding both babies every 2 hours, breast feeding, then formula top up and then expressing, by the time I had done all three 2 hours would have passed and it was time to start the process again. I was struggling and so sleep deprived so after 3 weeks I decided to only formula feed.

I am aware that some mums of multiples exclusively breast feed and I think they are amazing! I’m in awe of them as the first month with my babies was the hardest time of my entire life and for my own sanity something had to give.

AgnesSkinner · 08/12/2017 20:55

And just to add - although it seemed a big thing at the time (in hospital while knackered), it very quickly paled into insignificance. Baby thrived, DH, DM and DMIL could all get involved and I never gave it another thought. It seems a much bigger deal on MN than in real life.

theredjellybean · 08/12/2017 20:57

Very tiny baby, had small mouth and couldn't latch onto my enormous nipples... I hated it as well, it was painful, so painful and I loathed the feeling of my body being used by this new being... With hind sight, I now see I had dreadful post natal depression... But hid it