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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder if the TIL's are trying to take the piss...

94 replies

GoJetterGirl · 08/12/2017 16:32

So, as many of you have read my last few threads re: Toddler in laws, you'll remember that my DS is undergoing chemo for his cancer relapse, and they have been constantly boundary stomping and trying to undermine my and DHs parenting in general...

So, TIL decide they are coming up to visit again, I start with my usual "please don't, not a good time, starting another cycle of a new chemo next week and he doesn't need a cold, etc"

So, FIL interrupts me and states "we don't have colds, we both just have slight chills" WTAF?!?! WTF is the difference between and cold and a chill?!

So in short, can I feel justified in pitching a fucking massive fit and telling them to get to fuck, it's not them who has to deal with the aftermath of the "chill" once they've passed it to DS, or are old people's chills miraculously non infectious?! I don't even know what a bloody chill is!

OP posts:

GabsAlot · 08/12/2017 21:36

wheres your dh in all this cant he say anything

my good wishes and thoughts to your ds

GeekyWombat · 09/12/2017 08:04

YANBU. You know it. You’ve done the impossible and got a four page unanimous thread of YANBUs.

Where is your DH in all this? Can’t he tell them to fuck off?

Thinking of you, Go Jetter Boy, DH and the baby.

Whenever I read your threads I just think you are a calmer, kinder person than I could ever hope to be!

OliviaBenson · 09/12/2017 08:13

I've read all your threads. You certainly are not being unreasonable BUT

Why on earth are you still in contact with these people? Serious question. You've had plenty of advice to go NC. Is this need for a visit a result of your family member who was going around to confront them?

Cut them off. They are adding nothing but stress and drama to your lives. I think this is in danger on consuming you when your energy and focus has to be with your amazing son.

DartmoorDoughnut · 09/12/2017 08:21

Yanbu I don’t think I’ve ever disliked someone I don’t know as much as your ILs

BanyanChristmasTree · 09/12/2017 08:47

I don't understand why you and DH (who needs a kick up the arse) can't just say No, you are not coming, end of. DS needs a germ and stress free environment and we all need some privacy. We'll let you know how it goes. Please respect our wishes. If they don't then go ballistic.

I never tell my in-laws anything until after the event has passed and then it is often a very light version of it because in my experience they only add more stress to the situation.

Chapterandverse · 09/12/2017 08:54

This is the 4th or 5th thread I have read in relation to these people.

I can't understand why you haven't told them to clear off by now.

Nobody and I mean nobody would be putting a child of mine at risk - not even their grandparents (especially not!)

You need to use some of this anger to put rules in place that they need to adhere to.

You'll regret it if you don't.

MrsExpo · 09/12/2017 09:00

I’m livid and speechless on your behalf once again OP.

Just why do those dispicable people think they have some sort of right to over ride your wishes and jeopardise your son’s health like this. Tell them no in no uncertain terms, get your DH to read then the riot act, lock the door and defend your child from these utter morons.

Referring back to your other thread .... could you get your helpful relative on side with this as well?

Sending you and your family my very best wishes .......

ememem84 · 09/12/2017 09:05

Refuse to answer the door. They don’t have keys do they?

Spadequeen · 09/12/2017 09:07

I’ve not read any of your other threads but from what you’ve said here that is disgraceful. I would definitely read them the riot act. Do not let them in. If they complain tough shit, you told them no. They need to pop in and use the loo, tough shit, go to the pub, you told them no visitors, they ignored that they deal with it.

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 09/12/2017 10:20

So sorry you're going through this but I would feel inclined to be angrier with dh as he apparently can't put aside the FOG long enough to stand up for his child. After all these instances of their fuckwittery what is he actually saying to them?

Bindibot · 09/12/2017 12:27

I’ve read your other threads; these people are evil.
No other words are needed.

If your ‘D’H won’t stand up to them you really have to go tiger mama (as much as I hate the term) on him and them.

And if they turn up and you happen to have a cricket bat or shovel by the door and you accidentally hit them while trying to move it, just remember you were with me all day.

gottachangethename1 · 09/12/2017 12:43

I’m a doormat, but having read your other threads even I would have blown a gasket with these people by now. You are going through one of the most stressful events that any parent could go through. Forget asking dh to intervene, let them know exactly what you are going through and tell them to back off. Regular texts /calls from your dh to his parents are more than enough at this time. Take care of yourself and your dc, everything else is irrelevant now.

Hissy · 09/12/2017 13:44

You get h to call them and tell them they aren’t welcome today, or tbh until you feel like it.. which is likely to be shortly after hell freezes over.

Then you don’t answer the door to them. Ever again.

It doesn’t matter if they see you sitting there not answering the door, you have a seriously ill child. That’s all that’s important

I’d take legal advice tbh, this intrusion is practically psychopathic.

Arkengarthdale · 11/12/2017 00:43

Can someone please link to the other threads? Can't search on my phone I don't think.

Op you have my sympathy and the offer of a few phone numbers of trained killers...

Arkengarthdale · 11/12/2017 00:48

Well well I've just learned how to search! I'll be back...

SprinklesandIcecream · 11/12/2017 03:52

Loosely followed your previous posts, OP and I must admit I'm a bit surprised you are still in contact with them. The brutal truth is your unwell child is being affected by them physically as well as mentally by diverting your attention in this sensitive time and you're allowing it by choosing to let it continue.

In the kindest way possible, put the wellbeing of your child and your family first, block the PILs and focus on your self.

harrypotternerd · 11/12/2017 04:51

OP for you and DS.
I would tell them no and keep repeating that whenever they mention visiting. Do they not understand what chemo does to a body?

My dad died of bowel cancer and when he was having chemo I would have to stay away from him whenever my DC or I got any sort of illness, even just a common cold. It sucked and it was hard but it was what was best for him and I loved him enough to want what is best for him. We skyped a lot instead when one of the kids had colds or some other illness.

Jux · 11/12/2017 23:11

hope you're OK.

UterusUterusGhali · 11/12/2017 23:32

I fucking hate these people.

So sorry you're going through this, Jetter.

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