Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if the TIL's are trying to take the piss...

94 replies

GoJetterGirl · 08/12/2017 16:32

So, as many of you have read my last few threads re: Toddler in laws, you'll remember that my DS is undergoing chemo for his cancer relapse, and they have been constantly boundary stomping and trying to undermine my and DHs parenting in general...

So, TIL decide they are coming up to visit again, I start with my usual "please don't, not a good time, starting another cycle of a new chemo next week and he doesn't need a cold, etc"

So, FIL interrupts me and states "we don't have colds, we both just have slight chills" WTAF?!?! WTF is the difference between and cold and a chill?!

So in short, can I feel justified in pitching a fucking massive fit and telling them to get to fuck, it's not them who has to deal with the aftermath of the "chill" once they've passed it to DS, or are old people's chills miraculously non infectious?! I don't even know what a bloody chill is!

OP posts:
Ellendegeneres · 08/12/2017 18:03

Seriously, as above- tell them to fuck off. You're the parent. You decide who sees him. They don't get a pissing say. I'm actually filled with rage for you, been following your threads and am so sorry you're still dealing with these utter arseholes.
I'd lock the door and ignore them knocking, unplug the phone and play music and have a grand old time if they turn up.
When they ask why you didn't answer the door, you can legitimately tell them- we said no visitors, you're not exempt from that just because you're trying to bully your way in.

Fucking arses. Argh.

Where's your dh in this anyway, what's his stance?

MotherOfDragons22 · 08/12/2017 18:04

At this point, just screaming at them "I SAID NO!" would be entirely justified.

llangennith · 08/12/2017 18:06

They being incredibly selfish and deserve to be told that.
Your DS is the most important person.

LazyDailyMailJournos · 08/12/2017 18:11

I remember your original thread.

Tell these awful vile people to fuck off. If you have to physically restrain them from entering your house then do so. They have zero right to see your DS - they forfeited it the moment that they made it about them rather than him.

Cut contact and ignore.

I am so, so, sorry to hear about your DS prognosis. I wish you and your DH a peaceful Christmas and hope that you manage to enjoy the time that you have with your DS.

elliejjtiny · 08/12/2017 18:13

I think whatever you do to them I wouldn't blame you. Totally understandable that you haven't got rid of them yet though, having a poorly child is exhausting.

expatinscotland · 08/12/2017 18:14

'I have no clue why you're still accepting any form of contact from these utter weapons-grade fucknumpties.'

This. Why is your H not telling them to fuck off? People die from secondary infections. They are weapons-grade selfish cunts who need to be told NO visiting and if they turn up you don't open the door! I'd actually take legal advice to see if there is a way of keeping these people from him because they have in the past endangered his life.

MsJaneAusten · 08/12/2017 18:20

No.

No explanations.

Just no.

Leeds2 · 08/12/2017 18:21

I would also make sure that DH isn't meeting them, away from the hospital, as he will then be in danger of catching whatever bug they have and passing it on to DS.
Wishing your DS all the very best healing vibes I can muster.

MadeForThis · 08/12/2017 18:22

I wouldn't feel guilty in the slightest.
Tell them that they are not welcome and if they ask to come over again or just show up they will Never be welcome again.

These people are unbelievable.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 08/12/2017 18:24

I'm truly amazed that any of their own offspring survived to adulthood!

They are totally selfish bastards - and dangerous ones.

I haven't seen your other thread, but it is obvious from this one that they are as thick as pigshit. Do as others have suggested. Lock the buggers out if necessary.

Booie09 · 08/12/2017 18:25

Are you at home or in hospital? If at home lock all doors and ignore the door bell!!
If in hospital tell the nurses to turn them away!! Sending lots of love your way.

ScrambledSmegs · 08/12/2017 18:27

I would be tempted to say 'Doctor says no' like a broken record, just because it takes any emotion out of the equation and is likely to be easier for you to cope with.

They sound awful, I'm so sorry. I presume your DH can't cope with them so you have to do it?

BarryTheKestrel · 08/12/2017 18:35

Don't be polite. Tell them no before they leave home. Then do not open the door regardless of what they do. You've told them no, no further explanation needed.

Frankly I'm amazed at their audacity having read your previous threads. They are making me livid and I don't even know them.

Thinking of you and your DS. Flowers

SimplyNigella · 08/12/2017 19:09

Where is your DH in all of this? Can you leave the communication to him or will he not stand up to them?

FaithEverPresent · 08/12/2017 19:16

They sound horrendous. As a nurse, I can’t say we have clear medical diagnosis of ‘a chill’ but Dr Google —not a real doctor— says it’s likely due to them brewing a viral or bacterial infection. So I think I would be saying No. you can’t visit at the moment. No ‘because...’ no why’s or wherefores. Just ‘No!’.

IceniLacuna · 08/12/2017 19:25

I don't quite understand why you are still not gone NC with these horrendous people.

LoveProsecco · 08/12/2017 20:55

Angry for you

expatinscotland · 08/12/2017 20:59

Do not open the door to them. When DD1 was having chemo, we had to isolate her even when she was out of strict iso. Just one patient coming in with a cold could have terrible ramifications for the children in the unit. These people are so far out of line they don't deserve to have contact with your son at all, because they do not care about him. Absolutely shocking.

perfectstorm · 08/12/2017 21:03

Can you ask the consultant to call them up and terrify them into submission? My mum had to do that with my thankfully late grandmother once over this issue. They sound like they don't care what you say, so might they a doctor?

I am so incredibly sorry you are dealing with these people on top of what must be extremely stressful and distressing circumstances. Flowers to you all.

perfectstorm · 08/12/2017 21:06

My mother has non-Hodgekins, I should explain. My grandmother was angry that she was using this "excuse" not to visit. The consultant called.

My mother went no contact a couple of years later when my grandmother said she was a drama queen and it "wasn't serious cancer."

Some people are just not worth it.

SparklyMagpie · 08/12/2017 21:13

I am actually gobsmacked ( and I have to say for me that is very rare!)

How fucking dare they!! They are willing to put their grandchild at risk for being selfish

What is your DH saying?

I agree I would not be opening the door to them or actually intact, if they seriously are that fucking selfish an thick to think this is ok then id just ban them full stop

SparklyMagpie · 08/12/2017 21:14

Also forgot to add Flowers OP for you, your DH and your DS

Not the shit you need, genuinely am disgusted at your PIL's Angry

CotswoldStrife · 08/12/2017 21:16

I don't think the in-laws are allowed in the hospital so I assume we are talking at home. Door chain is needed here, I feel. Put chain on - open door - no - close door.

HermionesRightHook · 08/12/2017 21:19

Jesus fucking Christ these people.

They are just the actual worst. I mean I know you know that. But jfc.

If you decided to go full on nuclear at them you'd have us all behind you. I cannot believe the utter, utter callousness of their disgusting behaviour.

Cheby · 08/12/2017 21:35

Ugh, I’m so sorry that you’re still being subjected to these bellends and their spectacular selfishness. Don’t open the door to them if they do come.

Swipe left for the next trending thread