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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fined for taking DD on holiday

129 replies

Strawberryshortcake40 · 08/12/2017 10:36

Yes I probably deserve a flaming here. Just received my fine from the council for taking DD out of school to go on holiday.

Which is kind of deserved as I know the rules etc etc.

However, as I have posted on here before. Her sister is very very unwell and has been for a long time. The holiday was thought to be something for her sisters recovery and it was vital my DD went for that for her sisters sake and to get a break herself (although it ended up that she got more ill and nearly didn't go!). Therefore homelife here has been harrowing to say the least for over 2 years now, DD deals with things every day that no child should have to.

AIBU to think the school know this. They know it was extenuating circumstances. They could have authorised it (and in fact her sister's school did).

And while I don't regard my child as a special snowflake I do believe that these things should be assessed on a case by case matter. And in fact I am the only parent to have been fined from the school! Even though many people trot of to Thailand or wherever for two weeks holiday every year!!

I will pay it of course. I'm just hurt that my DD has no help or support at school as she is thought to be coping. And now this.

OP posts:
tiggytape · 08/12/2017 11:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Strawberryshortcake40 · 08/12/2017 11:28

How much I've saved? That was never a consideration, we couldn't go in the holidays because of the crowds. And the holiday wasn't funded by me so I didn't save anything.

OP posts:
ragged · 08/12/2017 11:29

If you're divorced, how can you be made responsible for his fine? Will he emotionally blackmail you? I suspect only one fine to resident parent is likely policy. The fine doesn't even cover their admin costs, so they have incentive to do minimum.

Original poster
Strawberryshortcake40 · 08/12/2017 11:29

I have the children full time, he has the odd few hours a week. Not sure what parental responsibility is determined as?

OP posts:
Originalfoogirl · 08/12/2017 11:29

I would respond to the school, outlining your disappointment given the circumstances, just to make sure it is on record. But, I wouldn't take it further, thems the rules and all that.

I hope the next year brings better times for you.

redexpat · 08/12/2017 11:30

Oooh that is a kick in the teeth. Yes I probably would have said that was extenuating circumstances, but this time they have decided otherwise. I would definitely try and get some therapy going again now.

MammothMountain · 08/12/2017 11:31

I believe schools are reluctant to authorise any holidays due to setting a precedent and having to weigh up family circumstances and so instead do a blanket unauthorised.

My friend is a deputy head of a primary and says their hands are tied, she unofficially says take the children who deserve the holiday but has to be seen to tow the company line.

I am really sorry it doesn't feel like your daughter is supported by her school. Flowers

Wolfiefan · 08/12/2017 11:31

No flaming. I would normally say children shouldn't be out of school in the term time. But you clearly had excellent reasons for doing this. I think you did the right thing.
I'm so sorry. It's not fair and the lack of support and understanding is dreadful. Poor you and poor DD.

Viviennemary · 08/12/2017 11:31

I think the school should have authorised the absence under the circumstances. I spoke to somebody and they said they just pay the fine because the holiday will be much cheaper. I agree with just paying the fine if you saved money on the holiday.

Draylon · 08/12/2017 11:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 08/12/2017 11:37

Please remember that the school is NOT fining you. The school has no say in whether or not you face a fine. The local authority are the ones who have made that decision.

In your circumstances we would have loved to authorise a holiday as you described but we would not get away with it. Registers are scrutinised and authorised absences are checked.

Italiangreyhound · 08/12/2017 11:37

Strawberryshortcake40 the behavior of your child's school is utterly sickening and I am frankly embarrassed on behalf of any school that would do such a very, very low thing.

"They've withdrawn her school therapy because she is coping fine apparently. So it's all their interpretation of it. I do try and keep them informed but there's a limit to how often I can tell them how things are, really they have no grasp on it."

If the therapy was helping, in your shoes, I would pay the fine and concentrate on getting any kind of therapy restarted. I'd send up update my email, keep copies of everything and just go broken record with the school about how important therapy is and how your dd is not coping. I would probably pepper it with phrases like "I know to the untrained eye it looks like dd is coping, but she is, of course, not really coping. Therapy helper her because...... Stopping therapy is damaging because...."

Then request a meeting.

Can their dad help at all?

Sorry you are going through this. I want to wish you all the very best for both your girls. Thanks

UnicornMadeOfPinkGlitter · 08/12/2017 11:41

can you not respond to the council/lea rather than the school? the school doesn't have the power to change the fine.

I would write to them setting out why you went then, that the holiday was funded by a charity (I assume) so you didn't have a choice in the dates and fight it that way. They may ask or more information but if you feel strongly about not paying the fine then I would do it.

I agree though that the parents who take the children out every year probably just don't complain about the fine and just pay it as an expense associated with the holiday.

I believe also that as of the last year schools have less authority to authorise absence for holidays and it is down to the LEA who is who you would need to appeal the fine against.

ragged · 08/12/2017 11:42

I was not referred for a fine this year, the HTs have some discretion but I presume they are under huge pressure not to use it.

My cousins in USA, can take their kids out for a week once a year no problem, as long as attendance is good overall (& attitude). The teachers arrange homework for them to do that week so they keep up. An odd day off is very difficult to authorise, but a planned holiday that school knows about - very acceptable.

brasty · 08/12/2017 11:48

Just to say about them withdrawing her school therapy. In most schools access to this is very very limited. So they have to prioritise those who need it most.

diddl · 08/12/2017 11:50

So did you ask the school or tell them?

Would that make a difference?

I guess it shouldn't as the circumstances are the same in either case.

Might it be necause the circs that made you want a term holiday didn't apply to the child being taken out of school?

londonrach · 08/12/2017 11:55

From what i understand its not the school. Just pay the fine and take both your dds on holiday and forget about it. Wishing your daughter a speedy recovery.

My sisters going to pay a fine on her two missing four days of the end of half term. Its only for a extended family (her parents in law, all the cousins etc renting a massive house) holiday but she says at age 6 and 8 paying the fine and having quality time with family and learning to ski is worth more. If you very worried write a letter saying what youll saying it its part of her recovery but i suspect theres nothing the school can do if it comes from the authority.

Skittlesandbeer · 08/12/2017 12:02

Fines for school non-attendance haven’t started here in Oz (as far as I know). It’s therefore fascinating to hear how it all works for you guys in the UK.

Anyone willing to explain a bit about it, or link to it? How widespread is it? How are the fines calculated?

I’m sure we aren’t far off adopting this system. We take our dd out for 3 weeks every autumn while we take in a harvest on our farm, and another 2 weeks to visit great-granny in Europe. The school has so far treated it as an exciting boon for them and us. Admittedly we keep in touch via Skype with the classroom and we are given journals and homework to do but it’s working well so far.

Lord knows what I’d be up for in $$$ under the UK rules!

IslingtonLou · 08/12/2017 12:07

So both of your daughters go to separate schools, and the school of your ill daughter authorised the holiday.

But the school of your second daughter didn’t and you received a fine. I think that perhaps the school just saw the holiday as a normal holiday for this daughter- you say there’s extenuating circumstances but these seem to specifically apply to your ill daughter in the school’s perspective. I agree that it doesn’t seem like the school understand what your second daughter’s home life is like

AnnieAnoniMouse · 08/12/2017 12:10

I’m sorry that the holiday didn’t go too well. However, for Little DD to have her ‘Old Big Sister’ at times was priceless. I really, really hope she can have her back permanently sometime soon x

As for the fine, what a right show of bastards between them.

I would fight it because it’s WRONG. I have a very strong senses of ‘fair & right’ and will fight things to the nth degree.

However, you should do whatever feels right for you. KNOWING you are right, you bloody well shouldn’t be paying it & they damn well should be supporting you more than they are.

I’m sorry you’re coping with everything as you are, then this fuckwittery on top 💐

Wishingandwaiting · 08/12/2017 12:19

I feel ro you OP I really do.

However the school is not stopping you taking your DD away on holiday.

It is fining you for taking your child out of school in term time. You could have gone on a much cheaper holiday during the holidays and the school would not have done a thing. You chose a particular kind of holiday and the only way you could have afforded that type of holiday was to take your dd out it school therefore you have to accept the consequences of that.

It’s not as though as it was a holiday to Florida or nothing, was it?

tinypop4 · 08/12/2017 12:23

I am taking my Dd out of school for a holiday later in the year. I expect to be fined for this and am counting it as a holiday expense as I know I am breaking the rules but we have had a tough year and it's happening.

In your case I would suck it up and pay the fine without appealing, the school have to do what they have to do.

The school not supporting your Dd is another issue and I would bring that up with the school and see what they can put in place. Sorry you're having a tough time op and I hope the holiday was restorative Thanks

Hissy · 08/12/2017 12:25

Sweetheart, you know you did the right thing for your family, and the right thing was to take your DD away, the youngest one. God love her, she has had so much to cope with and while I see that the holiday was not plain sailing, the fact that your little DD said that she saw flashes of her old sis and that she was so happy is worth £60 of anyone's money.

If I were you I would write back to the school and tell them how disappointed you are that they could not be more supportive of your DD and your family, but that the holiday has been more beneficial than anything else has been for a long time.

MyDcAreMarvel · 08/12/2017 12:29

"You could have gone on a much cheaper holiday during the holidays and the school would not have done a thing. "
No the op could not have gone in the holidays. Read the thread and think before posting !

Booboobooboo84 · 08/12/2017 12:35

Could you pay the fine before the cost escalates and then appeal it for a refund?

Seems a pretty shitty thing for the school to do tbh and I would certainly be asking them to restart her therapy as she needs the support

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