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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my boss interviewee is a dick?

79 replies

girlingerrupting · 06/12/2017 19:01

I left my old job because of a cabal of sexist and bullying men. I was hired in my new one without mentioning it too much and wanted to leave it all behind.

Two in particular were hard to deal with. One was busy sleeping with assistants (through birth of his first child and beyond) being everyone's best friends but underneath a snake and undermining/scheming. Being straight forward I was pretty easy target. I was in my last job for more than 10yrs but last two nearly broke me and I ended up paranoid and cornered. I was being frozen out for speaking my mind.

Luckily new job really wanted me and after 2yrs have shed paranoia and am really enjoying myself again. Collegiate ambitious place. And I'm delivering for them.

Found out today we are interviewing one of the bullies who was so politically motivated! He was fired by the other horrible guy who found him too much of a threat..! Sounds like people like him...here (as people do because he's very good at winning everyone round and politics particularly with men).

So AIBU to try to block us hiring him? Risk really is that i may fail then I will be the person who didn't want great wonderful guy to come but he came anyway!!! So I must be the problem!! But if I don't I might regret it!!!

I'm crap at politics please help.....but so scared of hating my job again.

OP posts:
FeeLock28 · 06/12/2017 20:37

Be3Al2Si6O18 is pretty much on the nail, as is RestingGrinchFace. Suggest you speak privately to your manager/s and explain that you found him manipulative, difficult, divisive (give examples), and that you feel his engagement would ultimately be counter-productive. Ameliorate this by saying that everyone is entitled to a second chance, etc, and he may have developed as a person. I think that's called 'damned with faint praise', and I use it all the time!

They clearly want your input. Give it honestly and then back off. If he's employed you are forewarned about how to deal with him - with an exceptionally long spoon.

lljkk · 06/12/2017 20:39

I had something similar at work.
Boss hired the guy over my well-articulated reservations.
I'm glad he did... I've become friends (small f in friends) with the guy.
My guy has had medical treatment (which problem was relevant to shaping his whole personality) & other things dealt with, and is a much less bolshy character than I thought he was.
The other officemates treat him like an anxious pet. He just isn't the person I thought he was or that he had a reputation for being.

It feels dodgy to me that OP meet him privately. I don't know with what instinct I'm saying that. Maybe could set you up for a claim of unfair hiring practices somehow, I'm sure. Tread carefully.

GetYourRocksOff · 06/12/2017 20:44

This reply has been deleted

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Be3Al2Si6O18 · 06/12/2017 20:48

If you have something to add to the thread GetYourRocksOff then say it in a manner that can be understood by everybody.

mummymummums · 06/12/2017 20:49

You can't meet him! It'll make you look too chummy and he'll think he has a 'way in'.
I'd tell your bosses the truth - that he'll come across well but he's a total nightmare for the team. Be clear and direct, not ambiguous.

ZigZagandDustin · 06/12/2017 20:51

Hmm, Id probably find a way to indicate I had information on this employee without dropping myself in it should he be hired. So if his name came up in discussion with people close to the hiring process I'd say 'oh my goodness, I used to work with him!' They would naturally ask 'what was he like' and I'd say 'well, yeah, he was ok' and kind of leave it at that, a very slight hint of negative but nothing anyone could outright say to him 'ZigZag said something negative about you'. Then I'd later go for a 'quiet word' with someone involved in hiring who I trusted and who had been there for the previous conversation and have a quiet discreet word. Carefully phrasing it as 'this may or may not be an issue but...I thought you'd want to know. And for the record I am happy to work with whoever you hire but as I did have some information about the candidate and you asked earlier I thought I should let you know etc etc'.

Nyx1 · 06/12/2017 20:53

what about saying something like "he's not a team player"?

it's neutral and not horrendously critical?

Maria1982 · 06/12/2017 20:56

Why are you arranging to meet him? Honestly, why? Just no.

Also, tell your bosses. Put some thought into picking the right words (actually it's lucky that you've had some time to prepare rather than being caught on the hop), but tell them honestly. Try to keep it factual, rather than about your feelings , i think.

You have been there two years. You have proven yourself. Your bosses will pay attention to what you have to say.

And try not to panic! You say you're unnerved by how far the process has gone, but I'd wager it's got a fair bit further to go yet!

The worse you can do is not speak your mind and regret it later in my opinion

Nyx1 · 06/12/2017 20:57

oh I didn't see that you are meeting him

why?!

DiegoMadonna · 06/12/2017 20:58

Just don't get involved in petty office politics? It's not difficult.

kaytee87 · 06/12/2017 20:59

Why on earth did you arrange to meet him? Now you're going to look two faced to your bosses when you tell them what he's like, which you have to do as they've asked your opinion so you can't lie.

Tartyflette · 06/12/2017 20:59

A rather unpleasant, smug and yes, judgemental post from Be3Al2Si6O18

OP stated Luckily new job really wanted me and after 2yrs have shed paranoia and am really enjoying myself again. Collegiate ambitious place. And I'm delivering for them.

Doesn't exactly sound like she's not right for the current firm, does it?

Might be just a loooong shot but I'd hazard a guess that Be3Al2Si6O18 has not experienced the kind of unpleasantness many women have to put up with from the office dickhead.

This person made the OP's life such hell that she left. Fortunately she has done much better since. Why on earth would she risk going through that again? Her employers asked for her opinion so I hope she gives it to them straight.

CauliflowerSqueeze · 06/12/2017 21:01

Tell your boss that his ethical values do not align with those of the company.
Then stand and stare, eyebrows raised. If your boss probes more, explain away. If not, you’ve given him an idea and there will be at least a niggling doubt.

SandSnakeofDorne · 06/12/2017 21:03

I wonder what kind of a supportive work place environment Be3Al2Si6O18 creates for women, given that his hobbies include using female dominated parts of the internet to try to make women feel bad.

Maria1982 · 06/12/2017 21:04

Don't meet him! Cancel, say you didn't realise you'd be part of the recruitment process and it wouldn't be appropriate.

Or Feign illness and then fail to re arrange. Just don't do it unless you have a damm food reason why!!

buckeejit · 06/12/2017 21:04

I don't understand why you've decided to meet him. If he's good at pulling the wool over people's eyes it just seems pointless.

I think you should speak plainly but non judgementally about him as pp says & if they do hire him give him the benefit of the doubt but don't let him away with anything

OhNoOhNo · 06/12/2017 21:05

Be3AI

Perhaps think about whether you are right for your current firm. You might not be

Actually you're coming across as sexist here, not OP.

OP has already said she is delivering for her employers.

Can you not see why a woman hounded out of her last male dominated job may feel that men win?

If not, I pity your 600 employees Hmm

Mix56 · 06/12/2017 21:06

What can you possibly have to say to him ?
I would say to your present boss, that as he is asking, you need to say you are alarmed that he may be in your work place as he was one of the major reasons you left your former job. & then answer truthfully if any questions are asked.
"I left my old job because of a cabal of sexist and bullying men
Two in particular were hard to deal with. One was busy sleeping with assistants (through birth of his first child and beyond) being everyone's best friends but underneath a snake and undermining/scheming. Being straight forward I was pretty easy target. I was in my last job for more than 10yrs but last two nearly broke me and I ended up paranoid and cornered. I was being frozen out for speaking my mind."
& this man is one of the two sexist bullies

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 06/12/2017 21:07

Why would you meet him? You are giving him something. No. No. No.

greendale17 · 06/12/2017 21:07

YANBU- I would definitely tell my boss

wheresmyphone · 06/12/2017 21:11

Tell them. You owe it to your boss and your company. I would be livid if someone was not honest when I asked them. And do not think his references will catch him out: very unlikely.
Do not meet him.

SwimmingInLemonade · 06/12/2017 21:18

You could say something about him talking the talk but not always delivering... if he's the sort who gives a very good impression of himself you need something that will point out he's not all that he seems.

DPotter · 06/12/2017 21:20

Definitely do not meet him under any circumstances - you're his way in and he'll use it mercilessly. Don't meet him at any stage, talk to him on the phone, respond to emails - just go silent after cancelling.

If your managers are asking you, they respect your opinion so give it - verbally, professionally and if you can with examples. Say you would be very wary about working with him and he may not feel comfortable working on an equal footing with you. Pregnant pauses can be useful here.

I worked with someone, who had a former colleague join our company - they hadn't not on at all. The new chap had lied about his qualifications to get the job and when he realised my colleague worked for the company, tried to undermine her and do a hatchet job on her reputation. He did not succeed - she was excellent at her job, well respected etc. He didn't last long - not sure if someone may have encouraged him to jump before he was pushed......

Get your blow in first.........

cheminotte · 06/12/2017 21:23

I think you need to verbally tell your current employer your views and him, but as PP have said preferably in a neutral way.

stayhomeclub · 06/12/2017 21:24

Do not meet him! Why on earth would you do that?

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