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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Can't take anymore

329 replies

icanttakeit · 06/12/2017 05:03

I can't believe I'm writing this, but I have to get it out and can't talk to anyone irl.
I've also nc, as I know I will regret it later.

Last night me and my husband had another blazing row. I'm convinced he's on heavy drugs and now on a downer. I went to bed at 10.30 and from then until now he's been sat on the bed telling me how he's leaving, I've fucked the kids life up, I'm pathetic just like my mother etc. And in the process woken up the baby 8 times.

Bit of back story as to how I ended up here. I can't believe I'm going to say this, I've never told anyone, tried to tell OH when we first met but he wasn't bothered. He said something along the lines of that's my past and I should deal with it. Anyway, I was abused from the age of 8 up until I was 13/14.
I spent everyday terrified, and to take control back I thought I was only good for one thing (I'm sure you get the picture). I met now husband when I was 15 and because I was so desperate to escape that situation, I married him at 17, I should have seen the warning signs from the beginning, but in my rush to escape my past I over looked that.

The last 12 years have been hell on earth, I've been beaten by oh, emotionally abused to the point I've questioned my own sanity.
Honestly, it's only my 3 dc that keep me going.
Im a Sahm, have no money, no car( he's written off the one I bought with my only savings) and now I feel like I well and truly have fucked up my kids life and I will have to explain to them why daddy has gone. Because I can't keep my mouth shut.

Not really a aibu but I had to let it all out.

OP posts:
Dragongirl10 · 07/12/2017 13:53

Another one to say Well Done! come back and update us !

T00much · 07/12/2017 14:29

I've been reading the thread and just wanted to say well done, you did it! This is the first step to a better future for you and your kids.

mumeeee · 07/12/2017 16:31

Another poster saying well done you did it.

GoJetterGirl · 07/12/2017 18:11

Well done OP, proud of you, the minute you left that arsehat, your life actually began... stay safe, and know we are all here for you x

insideoutsider · 07/12/2017 18:25

icanttakeit
I'm so proud of you to have taken this bold step.
Whatever you do, do not let him get in your head. I think you married my exH!

When I made my getaway, I left in the morning, dropped the kids in nursery and pretended to go to work. I went home after he had gone to work, packed the kids' food, some clothes, documents etc, not enough for him to notice and I booked us a cheap room for a week. I had taken a few days off work so I went to agencies on the other side of town to find a place to rent.

From the hotel, I rang the police and told them where i was and they supported me - they told me that if he called, I should tell him we are safe and to contact them if he needed to know our whereabouts.

Obviously, he called, shouted, begged and threatened everything and i just determined not to go back. I got a little flat that week and went back to get the rest of our stuff when he was at work. He came home to an empty house - all my stuff and the kids stuff were gone. It was many years ago now and we are civil today. But I never returned to that house.

I did all this with no family in the UK and no real friends. You have your lovely family so let them help you while you make sure you never go back, you hear?

ohfourfoxache · 07/12/2017 18:38

Keep going love, you’re doing so well x

clippityclop · 07/12/2017 19:12

Just catching up and so relieved you're ok. You've got everything going for you now. Keep strong.

debbs77 · 07/12/2017 19:32

I think you are so amazing OP! Well done!

Your kids will thank you for this. What a wonderful example you are setting them!

redstararnie76 · 07/12/2017 19:49

You really are an inspiration; when your children are older and understand what you've done, they'll be so proud of you, and you should be proud of yourself too!

pontiouspilates · 07/12/2017 19:51

I'm so so happy that you have harnessed all of your courage and have got out. One day at a time OP, just keep going in the opposite direction of this psychopath who was making your life hell. Absolutely hats off to your courageThanks

Eliza9917 · 07/12/2017 20:45

Another poster here so glad you have left and so so proud of you. Just don't listen to any of his shit and never, ever go back.

I've been through my share of bullshit and am now happily engaged to the most wonderful man alive, I thought I'd never be happy but I was so, so wrong, and one day you'll look back and this will all be a lifetime, seems like someone else's lifetime, ago and I wish that for you from the bottom of my heart. (And no, I've not been on the wine, just touched by your thread) xxx

Original poster
icanttakeit · 07/12/2017 20:46

Insideoutsider aa long as I am sane I will never go back to him.* Ever. If a person can't change during 12 years he will never change. Your story is inspiring. Having the courage to leave with no family here takes some guts.* Well done to you

I'm just getting the baby to sleep, will be back to update.* Thank you so much for the kind words.*

OP posts:
Original poster
icanttakeit · 07/12/2017 20:48

Don't know why my last post is in bold. Sorry

OP posts:
Gettingwed · 08/12/2017 00:28

Well done op

Gudgyx · 08/12/2017 04:28

Hope you’re okay op

VileyRose · 08/12/2017 07:05

I hope you are okay.

Original poster
icanttakeit · 08/12/2017 09:58

Morning,
Had a busy night last night packing then unpacking at my mums.
I went back to the house to get some stuff together with my dad. He was out, most of his clothes have gone. He wants me to think he's left but I've got to be smarter than that.
I've got a couple of suitcases worth of stuff and the kids toys.
I've got an appointment with my solicitor today, she's hoping we can get to court on Monday.
This feels so surreal, I cried last night, and I don't know why. I guess I'm sad that this is what my marriage has become.

Kids seem ok, which is the main thing.

OP posts:
Tinselistacky · 08/12/2017 10:07

The first days are the hardest. I am sure your solicitor will also be a tower of strength op. You and dc are in the best place -

ItsNachoCheese · 08/12/2017 10:19

Ive just read the whole thread icanttakeit you are an absolute star

bibliomania · 08/12/2017 10:52

Shaking pompoms for you, OP! Congratulations on getting away.

Tbh, I'm glad he's being a shit at the moment (as is his normal style). It's harder when it's all puppy-dog eyes and promises that things will be different. As my father said about my ex (I'm another who did a daylight flit): "Some people just make it easy to stay away."

Good luck in court, and here's to an abuse-free Christmas!

OddestSock · 08/12/2017 11:29

Well done! You’ve taken the first, big, scary step. We’re all rooting for you :) xx

lurkingnotlurking · 08/12/2017 11:40

I'm so glad you are out. You sound so incredibly strong. You've got your children and your whole life still ahead of you. Xxx

ineedwine99 · 08/12/2017 11:42

Stay strong OP. The bastard isn't worthy of you or your children. Wishing you all the best and all the luck in the world Flowers

BitOutOfPractice · 08/12/2017 11:55

Keep going! You are doing do do well. I feel proud of you and I don't even know you Thanks

MinorRSole · 08/12/2017 14:58

Well done op, keep going

I expected the relief to be immediate upon leaving but it wasn't, it took a while for the tightness in my chest to ease and to feel less jumpy. It did happen though and it will for you

In the short time you've been away you have avoided so much abuse and prevented your children from witnessing it too

Stay strong because it's worth it Thanks