To not want to reward DD for almost poisoning the dog?!

[SwearyBerry]

Dd (11) was given a large chocolate Santa
at the weekend as a congratulations gift for taking part in a production at our local theatre.
She gets home, leaves it on the sofa, we all go out for a few hours, and the dog eats it!! Chocolate is extremely toxic to dogs, she is ok, but things could have been different if it had been dark chocolate, or if there was more of it.
Fast forward to today - I rang DH earlier from the supermarket- DH asks me to buy Dd a replacement Santa. I didn't, and told DH that I won't be replacing something Dd couldn't be arsed to take care of. DH thinks I'm being harsh - he says he can separate the fact that the dog was almost poisoned from the fact that Dd has made a significant achievement in participating in the theatre production and deserves to have her reward for it.

I think that Dd should take accountability for leaving chocolate (which she knows is potentially poisonous to dogs) at her arse. Also, she needs to take responsibility for her belongings - if she was that interested in santa, she'd have put him somewhere safe? AIBU to refuse to replace choccy Santa?

I wouldn't replace it for the same reason.

You're her parent. It's your call.

I'd probably not replace it but DH wouldn't have suggested replacing it.

I wouldn't replace it.

Oh come on, it’s christmas. Lighten up a bit! The dogs fine, she’ll have had a fright from the dog being ill which will teach her not to do it again. You’re not rewarding her for poisoning the dog.

Nope she needs to made accountable for her actions

I think you are being very harsh for something that was just a mistake.

Nope her loss from being careless. I hope your dog is ok.

I'd replace it because if she's a normal child she probably feels shit about potentially harming the dog anyway.

Blimey. Did she feel terrible about the dog?

YANBU at all.

Chocolate kills dogs.
But you're the adult. Why did you leave the dog where it could reach the chocolate?
I wouldn't replace it TBH. But then I wouldn't have allowed her to leave it lying about.

I did tell her not to leave the chocolate where the dog could get it, and realise I ( and DH) have some accountability in not having checked the room before we left, but it didn't occur to me that she wouldn't have moved it.

Aside from the fact that the dog could have died (she's ok thank god), I just think that in replacing it, we're sending the message that there are no consequences for being careless with belongings. I think 11 is old enough to take some responsibility..

I'm completely devoted to animals, to the point of being vegan. I'm passionate about animal rescue and run my own dog care business. However, I think you're being too hard on your daughter. Yes, what she did was silly, but it wasn't like she fed it deliberately to the dog. Have you never did anything wrong with the dog, op? Never fed it food that's upset it's stomach, let it get away from you on a walk, stepped on its paw or lifted it wrong and hurt it? Would you like to tell me what you feed the dog so I can pick holes in it and tell you where you're going wrong? Yes, it was a dangerous thing she did, but I'd say she's learnt her leason. Can't you compromise and get her a smaller Santa?

I would probably replace the chocolate. The chocolate was her responsibility but she made a mistake. Ensuring safety of pets when left home alone is ultimately the responsiblity of adults.

It was an error, but a smaller chocolate Santa in recognition of her achievement.

If she was specifically told to move it and didn't then I wouldn't be replacing it.

I'd replace it. Unless the dangers of chocolate and dogs is something you've regularly drilled into her?

She's only 11 don't taint her success with this memory!

Omg, and there was me thinking I'm a soft parent! I will be straight down sainsbo's tmrw to get her another santa.
Bless her - she does feel awful about the dog. My parents were v strict and I think sometimes I can be a bit black and white as a result. Appreciate the comments/ reality check....

My dog is obsessed with chocolate, can reach it in places I had never thought possible. I think I would go by her attitude as to whether I replaced it. Upset and remorseful = replace, unapologetic, entitled or unbothered = not replace.

I would also consult DH however - you appear to be leaving his opinion out of the equation when he should have 50% of the say.

I’d replace it, assuming she already feels bad for her mistake, she’s not going to do the same thing twice is she?

Dd has made a significant achievement in participating in the theatre production and deserves to have her reward for it

But she did have her reward for it. And then she let the dog eat it!

Honestly, in my house this would be a straight life lesson on not leaving your stuff (which you were asked to move) lying about.

It's a chocolate santa, not an iPhone or a pair of longed for boots or whatever. If the dog had mauled her Christmas present, then yes I'd probably work to replace it somehow. But a chocolate santa is hardly in the same league, and she's 11 - it's a good lesson to learn when it's small fry comparitively, so it's not the iPhone or whatever another time.

At the risk of sounding harsh, there is no way I would replace it.

Its the perfect learning opportunity. She gets to learn about being responsible, not only for her own possessions but also for something else’s health and happiness....and there is very little fall out for you.

The number of times that these opportunities come along and you cringe at the natural consequences because eg they forget their lunch, but then they are going to be hungry at school and probably not be able to concentrate, or they forget their sports kit, but then they wont be able to participate in the activity that you have paid through the nose for etc etc. This has no fall out except for her feeling sad and hopefully learning a small lesson that will stand her in good stead as she grows up.

It's chocolate. It won't hurt her if she doesn't get it replaced and it could have killed the dog.

I don't think the point needs to be laboured any more but I don't think she should get another one.

You are definitely correct

For me, it would come down to what she’s normally like. If she’s normally a good kid, does as she’s asked and picks up after herself I’d replace it. If she’s generally being a PITA & leaves crap everywhere I wouldn’t.

As for your dog, when I was a kid our dog ‘broke into’ the dining room & demolished an enormous quantity of foil wrapped chocolate (Easter eggs that were for an event). My parents were Very Cross (partly because of the cost of replacing them & partly because there was cardboard, foil & chocolate EVERYWHERE. The dog was In Big Trouble —and pooped foil for ages— but in those days we had no idea chocolate was bad for dogs. We were so lucky she was ok.