To not want to reward DD for almost poisoning the dog?!

[SwearyBerry]

Dd (11) was given a large chocolate Santa
at the weekend as a congratulations gift for taking part in a production at our local theatre.
She gets home, leaves it on the sofa, we all go out for a few hours, and the dog eats it!! Chocolate is extremely toxic to dogs, she is ok, but things could have been different if it had been dark chocolate, or if there was more of it.
Fast forward to today - I rang DH earlier from the supermarket- DH asks me to buy Dd a replacement Santa. I didn't, and told DH that I won't be replacing something Dd couldn't be arsed to take care of. DH thinks I'm being harsh - he says he can separate the fact that the dog was almost poisoned from the fact that Dd has made a significant achievement in participating in the theatre production and deserves to have her reward for it.
I think that Dd should take accountability for leaving chocolate (which she knows is potentially poisonous to dogs) at her arse. Also, she needs to take responsibility for her belongings - if she was that interested in santa, she'd have put him somewhere safe? AIBU to refuse to replace choccy Santa?

[Frillyhorseyknickers]

I agree with your stance OP and at 11 she is old enough to learn the lesson. Please don't replace it.

[GoBigOrange]

I don't think I would replace it. She is 11. Old enough to take some responsibility for her own things. She got the recognition, she got the reward, she could have enjoyed the reward, but instead she didn't look after it and lost it through her own lack of care - even after directly being asked to put it away. Sounds like natural consequences to me.

I'm sure there will be plenty more festive sugar coming her way soon anyway, so the loss of one chocolate Santa won't do her any harm.

Really, her reward now is that the dog is going to be fine.

[Tinysarah1985]

I could undestand her leaving it there if she was little but 11 years old? Sorry, old enough to know she should remember to put it away. My 3 year old knows not to leave food/small toys where our dog could eat it. Why should you have to keep checking if she’s put it away properly?
I wouldn’t replace it. Let her learn the hard way, shame the dog got sick because of it.

[FireCracker2]

Zigzag- what do you mean by you are the parent so your call? Her dad is her parent too!!why is the general feeling that the ops decision should override the child's father's?

[charlestonchaplin]

She had her reward. Then she was careless with it. Whilst buying another chocolate Santa wouldn't be rewarding her for almost poisoning the dog, I think it would be a good lesson for her to experience the natural consequences of her actions. She will be more careful with her chocolate in future if she knows it won't be replaced if the dog gets it.

[mathanxiety]

11 year olds have a very hard time keeping all the balls in the air at once. I recall all of my DCs losing school items, library books, forgetting homework books, forgetting bike lock combinations, and much more around this age. You really do have to double check sometimes as a parent because they can be very scatty. Most of the time the scattiness does not have the consequences it had this time. She and the dog were unlucky.

I would replace the Santa - maybe with a less spectacular chocolate item - as she feels bad about the dog.

[Scabbersley]

I would probably get her a smaller one. But I wouldn't be going to buy it, dh would if he felt so strongly about it! Send your dh to the shops!

[differentnameforthis]

I really don't think it was her fault that the dog ate it. We have chocolate all over our house, and it doesn't get eaten by the dog. We trained him that the only stuff he eats is in his bowl.

Nope she needs to made accountable for her actions Seriously? She didn't force feed it to the dog. The dog all but "stole" it.

If it were me, I would replace it. I sounds like she was a but rushed and just forgot to put it away!

Your title is over the top. It makes it sound like she forced the dog to eat something knowingly toxic.

[pallisers]

Dd has made a significant achievement in participating in the theatre production and deserves to have her reward for it

But she did have her reward for it. And then she let the dog eat it!

Honestly, in my house this would be a straight life lesson on not leaving your stuff (which you were asked to move) lying about.

It's a chocolate santa, not an iPhone or a pair of longed for boots or whatever. If the dog had mauled her Christmas present, then yes I'd probably work to replace it somehow. But a chocolate santa is hardly in the same league, and she's 11 - it's a good lesson to learn when it's small fry comparitively, so it's not the iPhone or whatever another time.

This this utterly this. I am the softest mother in the world but it wouldn't cross my mind to replace that chocolate. And I don't think it would cross my children's minds that it should be replaced.

Really loving the poster who thinks it was the dog's fault for eating it. Are you the same poster who didn't have stair gates because you told your 9 month old not to crawl upstairs and he didn't :)

[Tink2007]

I think you’re being too hard on her.

I assume she was upset about the possibility of the dog becoming ill? That is punishment enough.

We have an 11 year old DD and they are forgetful. They are still children. She was probably caught up in the hype of her performance.

My husband, last year, was tidying the living room and left an Easter egg on the sofa. Our dog snaffled it. He made a mistake and he is a grown adult.

[villainousbroodmare]

No way would I replace it. Maybe if she was 4.

[lljkk]

How large was the santa?
Am kind of surprised she doesn't have her own pocket money to replace it.

[ReturnOfTheMackYesItIs]

I'd replace it. I'd hate living in a house where you couldn't leave food around because the dog might steal it too.

And I've had several dogs. All trained not to eat anything they haven't been given. I hate it at friends houses when the dog is hovering around the dinner table to eat food dropped by very young children or jumping up to eat off plates while clearing up.

[MrsCrabbyTree]

Because you reminded DD to put the chocolate away - no to replacing.

Because your DD is only 11 and now feels bad about the dog - yes compromise and buyer a smaller less spectacular chocolate.

Because I am a softie - see comment above.

(had a dog who stole the Easter chocolates hidden in my wardrobe. I remember how worried we were. Glad your dog is OK) (Had 4 kids and it cost a fortune to have the fluffy EB rock up that year. )

[Whoyagonna]

I think you're being incredibly harsh. 11 year olds don't shoulder the anxiety and stress that parents do. Nor should they have to. Your dog shouldn't have been left free roam either. But I guess we can't punish you for that oversight, can we.

[LizzieSiddal]

I’m the softest parent around but I wouldn’t replace it.

Also it’s almost Xmas, they have advent calendars and other treats, so the Xmas Santa wouldn’t really be missed.

[paperandpaint]

I’d replace it because we’re not perfect. We don’t get everything right all the time and even more so for an 11 year old. Don’t set her up so that she feels this huge expectation to get everything right all the time and be admonished and punished for making simple mistakes.

I have two dogs and am normally incredibly vigilant but have an occasion left chocolate on the kitchen counter that the dogs have managed to get hold of and eat. It shouldn’t happen but it does occasionally.

[JustAnIdiot]

The poisoning the dog part I think is irrelevant. It could have been sat on or dropped.

She ought to have looked after it better. 11 is old enough to take some responsibility.

[RandomMess]

No I wouldn't replace it, she's 11, you TOLD her to move it and she didn't.

She was rewarded for her achievement and she didn't value it...

[IsItThursdayYet]

I'm glad your dog is ok, but dog aside, I wouldn't replace it for my kids. Not as a punishment but simply because I don't have money to replace things. They have to learn look after things, because once they're gone they're gone, It doesn't mean they won't have any more chocolate over Christmas, but if my kid drops his ice cream I'm not taking him back to the shop to buy another one.

[DurhamDurham]

I think her achievement outweighs her crime so I would replace it. She won’t leave chocolate lying around again and everyone makes mistakes. If your dog has a tendency to eat stuff left lying around then I think you or your husband would double check rooms are clear before you go out.

[timeforabrewnow]

Where does it say the OP told her daughter to put it away??

She says they all went out and it was left on the sofa.

YABU and unkind for not replacing it.

[Wolfiefan]

"I told her not to leave the chocolate where the dog could get it." Time. What the OP said.

[PiffleandWiffle]

She's learned a valuable lesson - don't leave your stuff where the dog can eat it! I'd get her another one next time I went shopping, I wouldn't make a special trip for it though - she can be patient.

I do love the MN hysteria about dogs & chocolate though!! Dogs have been eating Christmas Choccies by the bucketload for time immemorial, the only concern in the "old days" was about the foil or wrappers causing blockages...

[lljkk]

OP wrote: "I did tell her not to leave the chocolate where the dog could get it"