To force these arseholes not to spend Christmas in blissful ignorance?!

[GoJetterGirl]

Right, so, as many of you may remember my previous thread concerning the toddler in laws (TIL) here goes...

So, my DC had his staging scan to see how his chemo was progressing (insert anaesthetic complication story here) and we finally got the results today.

It's not good news,

The issue now is that around a week ago, TIL asked that DH and I don't tell them any results until after Christmas so we "don't ruin Christmas"... WTAF?!

So, I spoke to another family member, who, bless their heart, is going round to confront them on our behalf and tell them they are being unreasonable...

Since the shit will hit the proverbial fan and the fact that I am the scapegoat for the TILs, AIBU to be elated that this family member is going to confront them and to quote her "cut their crap" or am I just being a little bit bitchy because why should I have to pretend that everything is ok when it is the complete opposite?

I've been on MN for years so seen some PIL stories in my time, but this is just horrendous. I'm glad someone else is telling them some home truths so that they receive the message but you and your dh can stay out of their way. I'm so sorry you are going through this - I can't begin to imagine. I hope you and your dh and DS have the best Christmas you can together.

I have only read the OP and not your other threads, GJG but that's enough. You are clearly NOT being unreasonable. What about not telling them anything ever again?

I'm so sorry the news wasn't good .

The self-centred, selfish, self-absorbed, ridiculous CUNTS.

What is it going to take for you to walk away from these absolute arseholes?

I'm so glad you have another family member in your corner. They need to be told, in no uncertain terms, to fuck the fuck off.

So angry on your behalf.

I'm so sorry the news isn't good. I have no words about your PILs, I'm genuinely aghast at their behaviour

The message I would be sending would be:

"The utter selfishness of this request is the last straw. We never want to hear from you again. Any communication will be rejected. We will ensure you are informed of DS's death which is sadly now inevitably soon, but you will be absolutely banned from the funeral having been so cold-hearted and unloving."

A very good friend of mine is going through something similar with her DC at th moment. I would never ask her not to tell me the results for any reason, never mind "ruining Christmas". I wouldn't want them around and I think a big fat fuck 'em is in order.

Just wow, I've read your other threads. Your use of TILs is definitely apt and I agree with other PPs who say you should go NC with these toxic people. I recommend the Stately Homes thread on the relationships board for support in doing that from other people who have made that decision.

I'm so sorry to hear about your DS, that's just awful.

I really do hope other relative lets them have it. I suspect they won't realise how unreasonable they are though sadly people like this never do.

I'm so glad your DS is still here fighting on. Your strength through all this is phenomenal.

As for Christmas If you had a connection fail and couldn't answer the calls would they show up creating shit? If they don't want to hear the results I'd be inclined to not tell them anything at all, literally just ignore them completely.

I hope this Christmas is magical for you all and you can enjoy the time with your family.

Just cut them out.

They know that it's their GS's last Christmas.

How is it not already ruined?

You were right to send the other relative. That's what they are there for at times like this.

Have they reported back yet?

Christ on a bike OP these people are something else. So sorry about your son. I have the misfortune to have some very poisonous relatives who I quietly closed the door on years ago when my first child was born. If they don't have an in they can't hurt you. Is it at all possible that you can cut all contact with them?

Can you treat this outrage like a blessing in disguise? If they'd reacted 'normally' and been determined to spend as much time as possible with you and your DS their presence over Christmas could have been absolutely insufferable, making it all about themselves when you want to focus everything on your DS.

Instead, you could graciously grant them their wish and - 'because it would be impossible for you to maintain such a false front around your child' - have zero contact for as long as possible. Well into the new year and beyond.

My god. I hope the family member is far from gentle with them.

Sincere best wishes to you and yours, I'm so sorry the news isn't good.

These people really are vile heartless mother fuckers. NC is the only way forward now for your own sanity OP. So sorry about your DS 💐

Oh OP I'm so sorry to hear of your bad news. I have followed your previous threads.

While you are totally justified in wanting them to be hurting, are they more likely to try contacting you if they know? Your DS, you and your family deserve peace and quiet while going through this.

I would be very wary of letting them know anything while there is an event they can ruin. The last thing you need is drama at Christmas. If the worst happens, I might also be tempted not to inform them until after the funeral so they cannot show up and make a fuss. They lost the right to know anything when they treated you so badly.

So sorry OP for dealing with it, your TIL are truly despicable people.
Apologies for the post above, reported it to MN as posted by obvious mistake

Good heavens. Sending you and the family much love in these terrible times. Your TILs are not worth wasting your emotional energy on.

Up to you if you want the other relative to go round to tear them off a strip, they deserve it but it will most likely escalate and take up more of your energy and head space that you need for your son and immediate family.

Such self centred behaviour is absolutely in a category of its own. I read your previous threads and was shocked, couldn't read this one and not add my voice in support.

wow. I don't know what to say about that, how selfish and uncaring of them. So sorry to hear what you're going through :(

So so sorry OP

So sorry.

Well you ‘wouldn’t want to cause them any distress’ so I’d go NC straight away, and devote your time to your DS. Love to you all xx

Fuck them.

More importantly, how are you?
Devastated to hear your news.
Can't imagine where you're at.
How can we help?

I’m so very sorry to hear about DS. It’s heartbreaking.

Vent your anger at the TIL’s then go totally NC. They don’t deserve a moment of your time or an ounce of your energy.

Take care of yourselves x

I feel that the appropriate response to your ILs has been thoroughly covered above, so I just want to say I'm so so sorry about your darling boy and I hope you have the most precious possible Christmas with him.