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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To force these arseholes not to spend Christmas in blissful ignorance?!

104 replies

GoJetterGirl · 04/12/2017 20:50

Right, so, as many of you may remember my previous thread concerning the toddler in laws (TIL) here goes...

So, my DC had his staging scan to see how his chemo was progressing (insert anaesthetic complication story here) and we finally got the results today.

It's not good news,

The issue now is that around a week ago, TIL asked that DH and I don't tell them any results until after Christmas so we "don't ruin Christmas"... WTAF?!

So, I spoke to another family member, who, bless their heart, is going round to confront them on our behalf and tell them they are being unreasonable...

Since the shit will hit the proverbial fan and the fact that I am the scapegoat for the TILs, AIBU to be elated that this family member is going to confront them and to quote her "cut their crap" or am I just being a little bit bitchy because why should I have to pretend that everything is ok when it is the complete opposite?

OP posts:
Dippydippydora · 04/12/2017 22:09

Sorry it's bad news op Flowers
Focus on him now, you win the prize hands down for the worst ever inlaws

girltalk · 04/12/2017 22:11

This is possibly one of the most jaw dropping exhibitions of selfish, evil behaviour I've ever heard of. They are fucking monsters who deserve nothing but your contempt. I'm in awe of the fact you haven't commited murder for the things they've said & done to you. They can go rot in hell this & any other Christmas.

Stay focussed on your beautiful DS and make the most of your time with him. Sending hugs to you.

JamPasty · 04/12/2017 22:16

Oh gosh I'm so so sorry that the new isn't good. Sod the bloody TILs, they are absolute bastards. Do what is best for you, DS and DH, and the TILs can fuck right off. I wish I could give you a hug right now Flowers

OliviaBenson · 04/12/2017 22:24

100% id respect their wishes and not tell them. If your relative does go around, they'll simply feed more off the drama.

I'm so sorry op. Now is the time to be concentrating on your little family unit, and not them.

Hippobottymus · 04/12/2017 22:28

Just read your previous threads and now this one, they are absolutely ridiculous and selfish. If I were you I'd react much worse than you have done so well done for being so restrained! I wish you a wonderful Christmas, with no PIL/TIL, just you, DH, DS and bump xx

Rooooooood · 04/12/2017 22:29

JoGetterGirl. You TIL sound odd and unthinking but I wonder if you might be better just ignoring them and letting your DH deal with them. I know it's hard not to give them any headspace but surely they just aren't worth so much of your emotional energy. All the time you spend thinking about them and posting threads about them is time you could be spending with your son or doing something else more positive. They aren't going to change. 🤷🏻‍♀️

You've only just got the bad news today - I can't imagine how it must feel.

I'd just try and forget about them. I wouldn't bother speaking to other members of the family about them either.

Thanks
MrsAJ27 · 04/12/2017 22:49

I am so sorry, you didn't get better news, it must be heart breaking Flowers Spend great quality time with your son and forget the arseholes, they don't deserve your time or energy

BewareOfDragons · 04/12/2017 22:50

I'm so sorry, OP. My heart goes out to you and your boy.

I remember your previous threads. Your inlaws are despicably self-absorbed. I would have gone NC by now. I can't imagine what your DH must feels like, knowing his parents are so selfish and thoughtless and unsupportive.

Enjoy a quiet Christmas with your family. Let the relative have at 'em and go NC yourselves.

Weepatchesoflove · 04/12/2017 22:51

I am so sorry about your DSs results.
In regards to you TDLs ~ if you never want to see them, ever then that is your choice and should you find they try to cause you any hassles (which is surely incomprehensible to every single other person), then hopefully knowing that you have the support and best wishes of probably every single MNer on here, will help you through it a wee bit.
Once again, I am sorry about your wee ones results. I hope your Christmas is as you want it to be. Flowers

Allgirlskidsanddogs · 04/12/2017 22:58

OP, gentle hugs.

As you know no child can replace another, anyone who would say that to you doesn’t need to be in your life. Leave them to it, tell the professionals that need to know so that they can help protect you.

I wish that there was something more that we could do to give more practical support.

RiotAndAlarum · 04/12/2017 23:12

Please don't tell them your terrible news, or let your relative confront them. Such horrible people won't be able to resist creating drama, and that would spoil your last weeks with your son. Let them find out afterwards (if ever), and by then your genuine mourning could make even your TILs seem unimportant.

MightyOWL · 04/12/2017 23:43

It's not even in the same league, but I still can't forgive my aunt (married to my mum's brother) for having a go at my mum because my dad had the audacity to pass away on SILs wedding anniversary and the day was now RUINED for her. This was at my dad's funeral.
It's not even in the same league as your TILs.
Fuck them. Don't even give them head space.
I'm so sorry about your terrible news.

gobster · 05/12/2017 00:55

OP I’m so so so sorry to hear it’s not the news you needed

I was only wondering today how you were getting on............all I can say is I thought they couldn’t get worse!

I can understand you wanting to ruin their ignorance but please please please block their numbers immediately so they can say nothing further to upset you all and ruin your Christmas with your lovely boy

FireCracker2 · 05/12/2017 05:57

You cannot make people be what you want them to be.I don't think they have the capacity to support you so I would quietly withdraw.

123MothergotafleA · 05/12/2017 06:11

Sorry to hear such sad news.
Now just turn your back on these unfeeling fools.As others have said, don't waste your energy on them.

tombstoneteeth · 05/12/2017 06:12

So, so sorry, OP, to hear about what you are going through. No-one deserves such unspeakable cruelty. Thinking of you

LoislovesStewie · 05/12/2017 06:20

They are beyond vile. I would never,ever speak to them again. I echo what everyone else has said; at least you have another kind relative to rely on. I don't think you should have to pretend for them, their feelings are nothing. Just focus on looking after the people who mean a lot to you. I send you kind thoughts.

echt · 05/12/2017 06:39

I've just galloped through the previous threads. Good God. What heinous knob ends. Unfair to knob ends, but there you go.

I am so sorry to see your heartbreaking news, glad that you have a rel who has your back.

Keep your love and thoughts for those who love you and make this Christmas the most special ever. Thanks

mumonashoestring · 05/12/2017 06:46

Don't tell them anything.
ANYTHING.
Ever again.

To feed off the 'drama' of your poor little chap's illness when it suits them and demand radio silence when it doesn't they must be absolute monsters. They don't deserve a place in your family, so don't give them one.

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/12/2017 06:51

I cannot believe they could stoop even lower. Flowers.

YANBU at all to be elated. The anger you are feeling creates energy. Use the energy to spend as much time on your lovely Ds as possible and try not to waste it on them.

They are vile humans. You know this. They should be there to support and care for you all. Not making your precious time with your child more difficult.

justilou1 · 05/12/2017 06:54

I have been wondering about you, OP. I believe a certain amount of schadenfreude is warranted. These people are absolute dickheads. I'm sorry your child is so very ill. I hope that you and your little family have a wonderful Christmas despite the TILs.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 05/12/2017 07:03

Does not telling them involve seeing TIL/calling them and pretending everything is ok, or does it involve cutting them out?

They don't want to know so you can just cut them out of your lives until after Christmas. (And forever)

If they don't know that might be best, it's going to be all about how they are upset and expecting you to manage their feelings, they will never be supportive to you.

PoppyFleur · 05/12/2017 07:03

I'm so sorry the news is not good. I cannot begin to imagine what you are all going through.

There are no words to describe your inlaws, time to completely disengage. Don't answer their calls and don't reach out to them, they do not have the capability to think, act or speak in a more compassionate way.

QuitMoaning · 05/12/2017 07:11

I normally would recommend trying to build bridges, tolerate some bad behaviour etc with cutting family off as a last resort. But when a child is seriously ill, their needs and the parents needs come first. Absolutely first.

You cannot put up with this when going through the worst nightmare a parent can imagine. My heart goes out to you.

TheWorldIsMyCakePop · 05/12/2017 07:18

Sending you, DH and DS good wishes. Cannot believe how they are behaving. I'd really just pretend they don't exist now. (((hugs)))

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