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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To force these arseholes not to spend Christmas in blissful ignorance?!

104 replies

GoJetterGirl · 04/12/2017 20:50

Right, so, as many of you may remember my previous thread concerning the toddler in laws (TIL) here goes...

So, my DC had his staging scan to see how his chemo was progressing (insert anaesthetic complication story here) and we finally got the results today.

It's not good news,

The issue now is that around a week ago, TIL asked that DH and I don't tell them any results until after Christmas so we "don't ruin Christmas"... WTAF?!

So, I spoke to another family member, who, bless their heart, is going round to confront them on our behalf and tell them they are being unreasonable...

Since the shit will hit the proverbial fan and the fact that I am the scapegoat for the TILs, AIBU to be elated that this family member is going to confront them and to quote her "cut their crap" or am I just being a little bit bitchy because why should I have to pretend that everything is ok when it is the complete opposite?

OP posts:
Traffig · 04/12/2017 21:40

I'm so sorry. I've just read all of the threads.
My mother was like this. Went NC. A burden less.

I'm so angry for you and how unfair all this is.
How dare they? Self centred, arrogant, horrible , unfeeling people.
I would tell them the prognosis and then have no more to do with them.
Your son is the most important person in all of this, and you are an incredible mother.
You don't need this crap on top of everything else.
Thinking of you x

GrockleBocs · 04/12/2017 21:44

They are unspeakably awful. And I'm so sorry that you didn't get happier news Flowers

Xihha · 04/12/2017 21:45

Ive not read your other threads yet, off to do that in a minute, but even from what you've put here you should be delighted your family member is going round to pull them up on their crap. Who the fuck thinks Christmas is more important than being there for their family?!

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 04/12/2017 21:46

Eh? Am I reading this right?
Your ILs want you to keep them in blissful ignorance of any bad news so that THEIR Christmas isn't ruined?
They want to pretend that 'no news is good news' so that they can enjoy Christmas (no doubt to punish you for not letting them stick their oars in) while you and your DS and DH are going through utter hell?

What The Actual Feck? Shock . They are priceless!

Rudi44 · 04/12/2017 21:46

My God, they sounds dreadful. I think you should just put them out of your mind, you have other things to focus on. They are really not worth the time of day.

Am terribly sorry about your bad news.

Shufflebumnessie · 04/12/2017 21:48

I don't have anything constructive to add to what others have already said but I couldn't read your post and then just move on.
I'm so sorry to hear your heartbreaking news. I hope that, even with the circumstances, you and your family (TIL excluded) can have a peaceful Christmas Flowers. Try not to waste any of your precious time or energy on those vile individuals.

PurplePillowCase · 04/12/2017 21:48

yanbu
idiots.
have a very special time without stress from til.

sorry about the bad news.

Valentine2 · 04/12/2017 21:49

I am speechless. I didn't read your last thread and your use of TIL made me wince. But then I read the whole OP..Blimey! Do us all a favour sweeheart and tell them to shove their fucking Christmas up their arses for the rest of their lives. Wow.

AdoraBell · 04/12/2017 21:49

I’m sorry it wasn’t good news.

I would be inclined to not tell them the results before Christmas, or after it. And then ignore any enquiries from them re the results. Just don’t tell them.

Valentine2 · 04/12/2017 21:50

Don't give them any time of your day. Don't send anyone to talk to them. Don't even talk to anyone about it all.

Valentine2 · 04/12/2017 21:51

Spend this special time of the year with your DC and that's it. That's all that matters.

dancinfeet · 04/12/2017 21:52

Sorry that it wasn't good news. I won't repeat what everyone is saying, about telling inlaws to stick it, though I agree with all of the above posters. Thinking of you, and your son and DH xx

pollyhampton · 04/12/2017 21:52

I genuinely think this is how my parents would act if something happened to one of my kids. Anything for a quiet life. Bin them, you really don't need this! Xx

MadeForThis · 04/12/2017 21:52

I'm so sorry about your news.

Please just go NC. If they don't want to know any news then don't give them any. Ever again.

Christmas will be much happier for yourselves without them.

TheWhyteRoseShallRiseAgain · 04/12/2017 21:53

I have read and commented on your other threads (first under previous username) and so sorry it’s not better news for ds Flowers. As for TILs I hope whoever sees them let’s the shit hit the fan and then you can go back to focusing on (as you always do) DS and soon to be new Jetter

Viviennemary · 04/12/2017 21:58

That's beyond awful. Sorry it wasn't better news. Hope things improve soon. Flowers

MrsExpo · 04/12/2017 21:58

Just read your other threads and then this one, and didn’t want to read and run. There really are no words. I’m so very sorry for your DSs situation and for what you must be feeling right now. I can’t only hope you spend Christmas peacefully together as a family. Your in laws are utter morons ... please don’t give them any more of your precious time.

Xihha · 04/12/2017 21:58

Fucking hell, I've just caught up on your previous threads, your ILs should be fucking grateful you were even prepared to give them any news! I would have told them to get lost at the start of your first thread (or possibly before that, they sound awful)

Flowers I am so sorry its not good news, concentrate on giving your little man a magical Christmas, screw the ILs, they really don't matter x

Troubleinstore · 04/12/2017 22:00

People never cease to amaze me! Truly disgusting behaviour. Well if you go NC and they do ever want to speak to you in the future you can tell them you only have news about your child and as they only want to hear the 'good bits' they can do one! Flowers

Rainbowqueeen · 04/12/2017 22:03

I wouldn't be in touch with them this Christmas, chrsitmas in 90 years time or any time in between.
And yes I'd be happy that someone else was going to rip into them

Concentrate on those you love and ignore the TILs.

I'm also so so sorry about your news and I wish you all the best

MrsMozart · 04/12/2017 22:04

WTA...?!

I'm sorry it's not good news. Hope all goes as well as it can.

As for the TIL, well words fail me.

HermionesRightHook · 04/12/2017 22:04

Honestly, I wouldn't tell them anything, ever. Have your kindly relative communicate anything they need to know about your DS. They've shown repeatedly that they are awful callous selfish people that don't deserve a moment of your precious time right now.

Use it to enjoy your son instead and don't give them a second thought. Flowers and kind thoughts for you.

(but yes it's OK to be elated at them getting Told!)

SilentlyScreamingAgain · 04/12/2017 22:04

I'm so sorry.

Do what's best for you, either keep in touch with this selfish pair of bollocks if you fancy having someone to rage at or do the NC thing but you don't have to consider their feelings because they don't have any.

maygirl27 · 04/12/2017 22:05

I'm so sorry to hear the terrible news about your little boy. Focus on him now enjoy Christmas and cut TIL's out. They're like a cancer. Pregnant with his replacement? Callous bastards - you don't need rubbish like this in your life. I wish you and your little one all the best, GoJetterGirl. Stay strong and relish every day with him. Thinking of you Flowers

Hebenon · 04/12/2017 22:08

Sorry to hear it wasn't good news for your DS. I hope you have a peaceful and happy Christmas together. Your in-laws are cunts and you need nobody's permission to completely remove them from any of your future or current plans. Best of luck to you, your husband and your darling son. Enjoy whatever makes sense to you right now.