Presents for teachers

[6079SmithW]

I have two primary school age DDs and I am all out of ideas! Without help their teachers will end up with wine (AGAIN). AIBU to ask for your suggestions please?

I will just leave this link here.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3102324-What-is-so-bad-about-being-a-teacher

Elizabeth yes send a letter out.
Fruit I have given chocolates and cakes to the midwives and nurses, on both day and night shift, after both pregnancies. They've never been declined. However, I also don't think you are telling a 6 year old child that you won't be accepting the gift they have brought you.

...& if that policy were introduced for teaching, do you see anyone on this thread objecting?

As I say, I teach in a little private international bubble in a country where present buying for teachers is the norm.

Our policy is nothing over £100 can be accepted without declaring it. It's be rare for this to be a problem in secondary, but in juniors a class of 20 will easily tip up a fiver each - I know because I've chipped in, having dds in the junior school.

I have never met a teacher who has said 'Oh I love my Xmas/end of year gift. Totes a perk!'

If banning it were to happen, the opposition wouldn't be coming from teachers.

I'm a secondary teacher so rarely get gifts.
I was given some beautiful home made chocolate truffles (parents were professional chefs so no hygiene issues!) and another year a bottle of neals yard bubble bath so that I could relax after week-end hikes with the school ten tors team. They were lovely gifts.
My mum was a primary teacher and did get a lot of smellies, candles and chocs. An awful lot did get regifted due to quantity.

Her favourite things were heartfelt letter from parents /children and plants - either something to plant in the garden or a small
Pretty pot with an attractive plant for an imdoor windowsill. Not a poinsettia though, she got about 6 every year.

A tin of celebrations to give to the staff room is a bit different to a bottle of wine that you personally will take home, surely you can comprehend that? I wouldn’t accept anything at all, a patient offered me his penguin bar yesterday and I declined! If a policy was put in place and a letter out to parents explaining gifts were no longer allowed teachers wouldn’t be forced to reject presents from a 6 year old.

chaos I’m sure I could make a similar list about my job. I’m sure anyone could make a list about their job. I’m not really sure what your point is there.

you that’s really lovely! I think I think my child’s teacher would really like something similar x

Fruit yes obviously but gift giving is ripe as a way of showing appreciation, even if it is a collective.
People here have said give a box of chocolates for the staff room, or don't give anything at all since you are so opposed. We really aren't going to get our noses out of joint!

And no we wouldn't be forced to if there was a blanket ban. Which all teachers here are in favour of. However there currently isn't and we would have to refuse to accept gifts from children, which is my point. Surely you can comprehend that.

We don't care if we get a present. We have all said a letter/cars of appreciation is a much better 'present'. Just stop and it then stops being an issue.
You are adults and can make that decision.

set of sharpie pens

That’s not quite how it works, sailor! Whilst gifts are the norm parents will feel pressured to buy them.

I would welcome such a policy, FruitCider, & I've never seen a teacher be grabby about presents. Saying we'd rather have wine than mugs doesn't count - the thread was started by a parent asking what gifts would be welcome.

I'm writing a pastiche Christmas carol for my year 12 tutor group, with a verse each. They'll all receive a personalised e-card from me on Xmas day.

Exchanging good wishes with your teacher or your child's teacher is a nice thing. Gifts are definitely more trouble than they're worth.

I'd support your ban. & look forward to my dd1's parents WhatsApp group going full alpha momma panic at the thought that they can no longer spend a fortnight arguing the respective merits of Spa Day v posh new bedding for her form tutor.

Who is a mate of mine, & would hate either...

But that is not the teachers fault. If you didn't buy them who is the pressure coming from, the teacher or other parents? So yes. Don't buy us them, it is that bloody simple. If you let peer pressure from other parents get to you then that is your issue and not something to add to the list of complaints against teachers.

I've bought the nursery staff at DD's nursery (five of them), a little Scandi style heart-shaped Christmas Tree ornament and one of those hot chocolate stirrers (the spoon with the chocolate on the end). We'll also write each of them a little Thank You card.

Perhaps if teachers didn’t accept presents, parents wouldn’t buy one. As there is a power imbalance in the relationship I would argue it’s the teachers responsibility to rectify.

purple that’s exactly why presents should be banned. Arguing over such gifts is just nonsense! As a nurse the most precious gift I got was a handmade craft animal by a woman who had been sexually abused by her art teacher. It cost her nothing to make but it was priceless and I cried like a baby when I opened it. In my current job I don’t get many thank yous (prisoners are grumpy at the best of times and don’t seem to understand that as a “detox nurse” I reduce medication levels rather than increase them) but I did get one Easter card this year which rather surprised me, I’ve kept that too!

Put the responsibility back on the teacher, when you can quite simply not buy a gift, if it continues to allow you to rant.

Many teachers have said don't buy them but you won't do that.

I’ve already said I won’t be buying a gift. It’s not me I have concerns about.

It was a general 'you'.
Parents can't complain about giving gifts when they have the power to simply not, without any adverse reactions.

Or should parents buy a gift, let their child bring it, have the teacher refuse and upset that child, just to make it clear?

Gift giving seems to have got a bit out of control since my kids were little - bit competitive.

However, I would say, don't forget the TAs. They usually get overlooked and a lot of us are on MW.

I'm terribly grabby, aren't I?

The things I have treasured the most are messages from parents telling me if I have made a difference to their child. Cheesy but true.

If the bairn really wants to give a present, then keep it simple, like a pack of biscuits or a small tree decoration. Job done.

We do a voucher for the teacher, jointly from the whole class. Either M&S or John Lewis so they can spend it on what they like (home items or nice food or just reduce their own Christmas present spend). Even if each family only gives a couple of pounds, that is still sixty quid for them to spend on something that is actually useful or fun for them. We usually get a good £100 or more and they can choose what to spend it on. Sometimes we slice off a tenner for some really nice flowers to give with the voucher. I can't see what's not to like about this!

FruitCider, you're arguing with yourself, mate.

I've yet to see a teacher here or IRL demanding 'gimme presents'. If you want the practice of giving gifts to teachers banned, petition your local school's governing body, MAT, whoever.

Not a single teacher on here has raised an objection to the doing away with of teacher gifts.

But don't expect me, as an individual teacher, not to respond politely when one of my students hands me a hand decorated mug (I own many mugs) full of praline chocolates (I'm spectacularly allergic).

I'm going to say thank you nicely, then later, quietly, share the chocs between my kids' stockings, & leave the mug in the orphan mug cupboard in the staffroom, where someone will someday be glad of it when theirs goes AWOL.

If I refused the gift, it would cause offence & upset. I'm not going to do that when one of my students is doing something nice & kind.

You need to push on the door of whole school policy, if this is something you feel so strongly about. & as I've repeatedly said, I'd agree with you on that one.

But if you're going to nuance your banning of gifts, that's your nice anecdote above buggered. How precisely are you going to quantify financial value? Home made craft animal ok. Pound shop mug not? Where do homemade biscuits fit in? Flour & sugar fine, but marzipan not allowed?

You're going to end up with something like a 'nothing over a fiver' rule.

Great, but then 6A want to club together & buy Mrs A a £100 gift so you're back where you started.

Probably best if you hadn't accepted that craft animal then...

Not wine.

I dont drink. Not everyone drinks.

Amazon voucher? Boots? Superdrug?

I love to give the teachers a gift at Christmas. It is a hard job. Especially this year DD's new teacher is amazing.

Some public sector workers do receive gifts, I always send chocolates to the GP surgery for the help with DM. My friend works in a disability day care center and gets bags of gifts from family members to thank her for been so lovely and caring all year. Why shouldn't they.

Even the post man gets gifts. The lollypop lady nearly needs a van to get home each year.

Thank you all for your contributions.

I am amazed (and appalled) that teachers have to buy resources for their classes from their own money! I will definitely discuss this with my DDs' teachers and see if there is anything they would like us to contribute.

With regard to the buying of a gift at all, my feeling this: after myself, my DDs' teachers are perhaps the most important people in their lives. They are the primary care giver to my DDs for six hours a day, five days a week. They are not only teaching my DDs academics, but helping to shape them into a happy, healthy and well rounded young person.

In addition my DDs have genuine affection for their teachers which I encourage. The teachers matter to my DDs so of course they also matter to me. I appreciate the work they do and for me it's important to show that.

With regard to other pubic sector works receiving gifts; like previous posters I have also always bought gifts for doctors/nurses/midwives who have cared for me (none of which have been declined). I also worked in the NHS myself for some time and was allowed to/did accept small gifts as long as they were below the financial threshold set by the Trust.

Again, thank you all for your thoughts, comments and advice - it's given me a lot to think about