Presents for teachers

[6079SmithW]

I have two primary school age DDs and I am all out of ideas! Without help their teachers will end up with wine (AGAIN). AIBU to ask for your suggestions please?

I teach in a private international school. We do actually have official guidance to not accept anything worth over £100 - it's been known!

I generally get things like perfume. No wine (Islamic country). Sometimes posh chocs or a pen.

I don't expect anything. If someone gets me a nice bottle of DF perfume, bless them. If I know I won't use it I re-gift it so it doesn't go to waste.

But honestly, I'd be thrilled with an email, from parent or kid, saying they've enjoyed my lessons. Copying SLT in would be a bonus.

I generally leave on the last day with half a dozen gifts. At least half won't be things I would have chosen, & there was never any need for them to be bought, but I appreciate the kind wishes.

My kids attend the same school, so I frequently get approached by other parents saying 'you know Mr X better than we do, what can we get him?'

I always say: send a nice email. If you really want to give something, class whipround for vouchers. Unless I happen to know Mr X has been pining for imported cheese, as last year with dd1's teacher. We hampered the ass off him - lovely selection of posh cheese & biccies from all the parents, accompanied by a big card with, ahem, cheesy jokes from the kids. He loved it...

I find receiving class collections overwhelming. It’s so very thoughtful but I feel under pressure to buy something significant with it. My own child buys something for their teacher that they’ve chosen. I don’t put into the collection. I know how hard her teachers are working and I appreciate what they do for her.

I also buy for the lollipop man, the volunteers at brownies, swimming teacher and the kitchen staff who ensure she has food she can eat which doesn’t make her very ill (special diet). At my work I buy for the admin staff, our cook who ensures I have something to eat every day, my TA and cleaner. I’m very grateful for the contribution these people play in my day to day life. I also make sure I email or write to thank the people who go out of their way to support me and my family.

I don’t expect any gifts from my class but I’m fortunate to receive them. They have no impact upon who I chose to have a starring role in the Xmas show or other special responsibilities. Those are marked on class list and shared out over the year.

perhaps don’t waste your breath, teachers have it harder than anyone else apparently, though I worked in homelessness services previously and I detox prisoners now so I disagree with them like you, but hey ho if we complain we’ll be told it’s not a race to the bottom because teachers have it worse

Anyway I like the personalised letter/drawing from child idea so I’ll be doing that this year, it costs nothing and has meaning. Teachers should buy their own alcohol, just like me

Well there we agree Fruitcider - I like a nice red wine & am happy to buy my own.

For some reason people always seem to think teachers run on Prosecco. In the UK I've always donated it to the end of term knees up & then felt mildly guilty that Jack Smith's mum spent their hard earned on it, thinking I'd love it.

Please don't turn this thread into an argument about who has it worst!The OP was asking what to get her child's teacher, so presumably she is happy to get a gift as a wee thank you. What on earth do some of you imagine goes on in a primary classroom if you think getting a Best Teacher mug or box of Roses is going to make the teacher treat your child any differently? It's just one way of saying thank you. A card is equally appreciated. And incidentally, I've bought all the children in my class a small Christmas gift. I'll give them each a Christmas card. I bought an advent calendar for the classroom out of my own pocket. I don't need to do these things, I chose to, and many, many primary teachers do the same. Oddly, I have never read a Mumsnet thread yet complaining about bloody teachers buying stuff for their pupils.

Fruit no one here has said teachers have it harder than others; however people have assumed we have high salaries and amazing holidays therefore our jobs a breeze.
Teachers are constantly put down by others who think it is an easy profession yet they'd never enter it.

There are plenty of jobs that I know are harder than mine, many more with the same stress levels. I have never pretended otherwise. However I have never heard anyone say people complaining about those jobs are kidding themsleves as they are all so easy.

As a teacher... wine!

And LJdorothy has it. I must spend close to £500 a year in my class; on things I shouldn't need to. Stickers as the younger ones appreciate and love them; cooking equipment; Christmas, Easter and end of year gifts; resources for my classroom to ensure children can learn; games for golden time and went intervals; snacks for children who have none. The list goes on. Never once has a parent taken umbridge with me doing that.

The point is, I don’t expect my child’s teacher to spend upwards of £10 on a gift for my child! In fact I don’t expect my child’s teacher to spend any of their own money on teaching, but sadly with budget cuts meaning I have to buy my own black pens to do my job I can easily understand that they would. I don’t however expect my patients parents to remunerate me for those pens. Expecting a gift because you spend money on your class is a bit like that.

purple prosecco is good for Christmas and weddings and nothing else!

Fruit please tell me where any teacher has said they expect a gift. We don't. Don't give us them and we'd still spend what we do; educate your child and the world will stilll go round.

It isn't compulsory and teachers are not the ones who make it seem like it is.

@anothersuitcase my DS has the same present for TA as Teacher. We also have 6 boxes of buscuits for every Cub leader and young leader at cubs

Because it doesn't get posted don't assume people don't do it.

We've done a hamper for the staffroom at dds nursery of coffee, teas, hot chocs, biscuits chocolates etc and will take it in before the end of term with a home made card.

Performing arts school teachers have a box of naice chocs each and a small generic Xmas decoration with a hand made card.

Oh god, I give up. Where in the thread did any teacher say they expect gifts? That's right, nowhere at all. And no, a box of Heroes isn't remuneration. Is that seriously what you think I was saying?
A gift is one way of saying thank you to someone. There are other ways. Of course, you're not obligated to say thank you at all. Believe me, teachers are well used to that too. I think I'd better get off this thread, before I combust.

There's usually a class gift for DS's teacher but he wanted to buy him something himself out of his pocket money as he's helped him so much this year. He's gone for some really nice Blackwings pencils and a lovely wee brass sharpener from this website -

pencilmeinshop.co.uk/collections/stationery/products/blackwing-pencils?variant=47912697939

It's a simple gift but they are lovely stationery to use.

I don't understand why teachers are treated differently to other Local Authority staff in relation to gifts. I work with young people, often buy them things, take them places, etc, out of my own pocket but it would be completely unacceptable for me to receive gifts from them. It seems really outdated for this to still be OK, and even actively encouraged, for teachers.

It's not actively encouraged. It's appreciated. Teachers build close relationships with the children in their class and with their parents too. Whilst I'm never going to say teaching is harder/more stressful/lower paid etc etc etc than other jobs, but I will say it's totally unique. Like everyone else's jobs. So don't try to apply policies from other professions just because you take umbridge with it. Don't buy a gift. No problem.

But it's a policy that's applied across Local Authorities and many other public sector employers. Except, it seems, to teachers. It's unethical, and the "give me wine, not dirty home made cakes" attitudes are appalling.

Elizabeth again, find the teacher who said they expect it. If all parents stoppes giving gifts then so be it. Parents started giving gifts; teachers did not start demanding them.

It isn't compulsory and teachers are not the ones who make it seem like it is.

Do you not think that by teachers accepting gifts, it’s condoning it, and by it being so common place, leads parents into feeling pressured to buy gifts that they cannot maybe afford?

There is a power imbalance in the relationship due to its very nature. The issue about gifts does not help things.

Fruit handing presents back would cause more issues than accepting them. In many schools I've been in parents woyld assume it's because you thought they were poor/the present was horrible or so on.

Actually, I'd kind of prefer it if I didn't get gifts. You're wasting your money on me!

I do a quick triage on things I'll actually use, & the rest - vast majority - is not to my taste so it goes: re-gifted toiletries to Auntie Ethel, nice wrapped chocolate reindeer in the kids' stockings, ooh that bottle of Prosecco is Secret Santa sorted, random bath smellies mean I don't have to buy shower gel for the family bathroom until roughly March, that lovely paperchase notebook will do for dneice, scented candle will get burned next time we have a power cut, more Prosecco & chocs parked in staff room for general consumption, WBT mugs also in staff room for visitors, home made cookies etc ALSO in staff room but generally ultimately binned by cleaners as people are weird about home baking etc etc.

I ALWAYS appreciate that someone's gone to the trouble of thinking 'let's get Mrs Crowbar a pressie, she's OK...'

But honestly, I don't know what you like to eat/drink/bathe in, & I bet you have likes & dislikes. Teachers, same. We aren't going to go home & think beautiful thoughts about you because it had never previoualy occurred to us that a bath bomb & hot chocolate would be LOVELY.

Honestly, we'd rather have your thanks, & don't expect anything at all. Don't waste your money guys.

But if there was a blanket policy of not accepting gifts, that would just become the norm. Instead, a culture of gift giving has developed, and not just at Christmas but at the end of each term it seems.

sailor how do you think nurses do it? We hand back gifts all the time! We just explain it’s against our code of conduct to protect us and patients, but we appreciate the gesture. To say it’s awkward to hand it back is a bit of a poor excuse to be honest.

Exactly, it would be extremely easy to send a letter out explaining a new policy was in place and gifts of any monetary value can no longer be accepted.

A handwritten card/letter. Or an email with the head of department/year cc:ed in. Not as fun as buying stuff but if you genuinely were happy with the teacher, that is the best thing that a teacher could receive. As a teacher you only ever really hear complaints. It is nice to be appreciated. And as lovely as it is to get a present, you know that some parents will get the teacher a present regardless. So the presents received are more an indication of the kids in the class rather than the job done by the teacher iyswim.

My sister is a primary school teacher and is awash with pointless gifts that she can never remember who gave her. I am secondary school teacher in a hard subject, I am lucky if i get one Xmas mug! Not bitter