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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just say why I haven't worked in 14 years

58 replies

RumTumTiger · 03/12/2017 20:31

So trying to return to work (basic admin) after 14 year absence. Previously worked for a CEO as PA.

When I talk to employers I get asked every single time why I have not worked in so long. I say I was SAHM. It doesn't seem to satisfy them.

Maybe it's the length of time off work they don't like? It has ended up being so long as we moved twice for my XH's work and also DS having to be home schooled/special schools/ therapies that he needed a parent around full time. DS is older now and mostly sorted out so I am free-ish now to earn some money for myself (and now I am a single mum).

So that's the real reason as I never planned on SAHM for so long. (no offense meant to SAHMs by choice).

Would IBU to say family member needed care so I couldn't work? Would employers look more favourably on my long absence or would it be providing too much personal info? Should I put it in my cover letter?

I am getting really down about trying to find work and I feel it's the employment gap holding me back. Sad

(And yes I have done skills upgrading, resume upgrading, job centre, career fairs, etc, tried to get volunteer work but couldn't get anything that used my skills)

OP posts:
Smarshian · 03/12/2017 20:33

I would be open about it. As an employer I would always be wary of a large gap in work. Being a SAHM is fine but 14 years is a long time to do that if no other issues.

Splinterz · 03/12/2017 20:35

Carer is fine

scrabbler3 · 03/12/2017 20:36

I think it's fine to say that you've been a SAHM to a DC with extra needs. Good luck.

ProfYaffle · 03/12/2017 20:37

Just say you had caring responsibilities in that time. Don't dwell on it, emphasise what you've done during that time to keep your skills up to date

(I speak as someone who's just gone back to a career in HR after 12 years as a sahm)

52FestiveRoad · 03/12/2017 20:38

Hang in there. I have just got back into work after 15 years at home. My current employer did not care about the long gap, she was looking for other skills that I gained whilst out of work.

Aridane · 03/12/2017 20:39

Agree - SAHM for DC with extra needs

sizeofalentil · 03/12/2017 20:39

I'd say I home schooled my children. A lot of transferable skills there.

Oldraver · 03/12/2017 20:40

I was the same, I haven't worked apart for a 6 month stint since May 2004... I just told them I was a SAHM but also didnt want to

TrinitySquirrel · 03/12/2017 20:40

Just put Carer on your CV. They dont need to know more than that really.

WallisFrizz · 03/12/2017 20:43

Agree with above posts. You need to emphasise that you were daring for a child with additional needs.

Council · 03/12/2017 20:43

Sadly, I think you will struggle whatever you say. 14 years out of the work place is a really long time. It's not that people don't like a SAHM, it's that so much has changed about the modern workplace in that time, employers would doubt your experience was relevant.

I'd be wary of saying it's because of a child with additional needs. It's not right, but it does tend to suggest you might need extra time off.

IMO it doesn't matter if voluntary work doesn't fully utilise your skills, you need to show you have been doing "something"

Lily2007 · 03/12/2017 20:44

I would say SAHM including one child with special needs. Try a temp agency as a route in.

Babbitywabbit · 03/12/2017 20:46

Just say ‘caring responsibilities’ or similar.
Don’t over egg it (nothing worse when recruiting, than coming across cvs where people try to make out they’ve learned some kind of unique skills through being at home.)
Just be honest- tell it as it is.
And try not to take it personally when you get rejections (I realise it’s hard not to though.) You’re going to be competing with others who have equal skills and qualifications but have no career break, so it’s almost certain to take a while to get a foot back in the door.

Mishappening · 03/12/2017 20:46

In was in a similar boat many years ago and I filled my CV with the transferable skills I had developed as a parent. There are a lot of them! Big them up and do not sound apologetic!

Lily2007 · 03/12/2017 20:47

I would make it clear your child is older and more independent now hence you can return to work and explain you're very keen to.

Original poster
RumTumTiger · 03/12/2017 20:48

Ok, so most think it's better to say. But one thinks employers might think I need extra time off...

OP posts:
Bubblebubblepop · 03/12/2017 20:50

I don't think it matters really. It's the being out of work that don't like

another20 · 03/12/2017 20:51

I think that the way back is a short term contract - even if it is for a few weeks, even voluntary/part time etc for a charity or family/friend business. It is hard to get a full time perm from a standing start.

Original poster
RumTumTiger · 03/12/2017 20:52

OK, so better to give more reason than just SAHM seems to be the consensus....

OP posts:
feral · 03/12/2017 20:55

Being a career for your dc with sn is perfectly acceptable.

Where are you based? I know that in Gloucestershire they have this project helping people into work funded by the EU (so make use of it while you can!) that has a worker for helping careers/former careers into work as this is a group who could've been out of work for a while.

www.glosgem.org/index.php

There could be similar in your area.

Original poster
RumTumTiger · 03/12/2017 20:56

Ok, so not unreasonable to say more detail why.

Funny the advisor at the employment centre told me I didn't need to say anything other to returning work after SAHM. Fat lot of good that advice was...

OP posts:
Marylou2 · 03/12/2017 20:57

I'd be careful of over emphasis on a carers role unless you can say it's over, I know this is massively unPC but if your end goal is to secure employment you'd have to do this.

Ermm · 03/12/2017 21:05

Id actually point out that SAHM to child with additional needs is a fair old administrative challenge right there - describe all you've done as if it was a "job" (I use the term uncomfortably - it would have been work!). You'd be surprised at the number of skills you would have developed/can demonstrate from doing that. Bet if you told them a day in your life they'd be impressed!

vilamoura2003 · 03/12/2017 21:06

In the meantime can you maybe sign up for temporary work to start building up some current experience. Maybe even some volunteering work?

Aeroflotgirl · 03/12/2017 21:07

There are jobs out there, keep looking. Mabey do some voluntary work, or something to help. Just be honest, you were a stay at home mum caring for a disabled child, now that he is more independent, you are able to work. That's the truth. I will be in the same situation, as my dd 10 has ASD, learning difficulties, and high anxiety. I just cannot find childcare for her. I will have to wait and see if she is more independent as a teen and go from there. Our local hospital has bank staff, can you register there. My neighbour was in the same position as you, and found bank admin work at the hospital. Public sector are more likely to by sympathetic, than the private.

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