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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just say why I haven't worked in 14 years

58 replies

RumTumTiger · 03/12/2017 20:31

So trying to return to work (basic admin) after 14 year absence. Previously worked for a CEO as PA.

When I talk to employers I get asked every single time why I have not worked in so long. I say I was SAHM. It doesn't seem to satisfy them.

Maybe it's the length of time off work they don't like? It has ended up being so long as we moved twice for my XH's work and also DS having to be home schooled/special schools/ therapies that he needed a parent around full time. DS is older now and mostly sorted out so I am free-ish now to earn some money for myself (and now I am a single mum).

So that's the real reason as I never planned on SAHM for so long. (no offense meant to SAHMs by choice).

Would IBU to say family member needed care so I couldn't work? Would employers look more favourably on my long absence or would it be providing too much personal info? Should I put it in my cover letter?

I am getting really down about trying to find work and I feel it's the employment gap holding me back. Sad

(And yes I have done skills upgrading, resume upgrading, job centre, career fairs, etc, tried to get volunteer work but couldn't get anything that used my skills)

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 03/12/2017 21:09

I’d say something like

“It wasn’t through choice, it was a mix of caring responsibilities and trailing spouse. Now I know I can focus 100% long term on my own career I want to get back into the job market again, specifically into this opportunity”.

Should answer the question and satisfy any arising concern.

honeyravioli · 03/12/2017 21:09

It's not that people don't like a SAHM, it's that so much has changed about the modern workplace in that time

Has it though? I don't think that is actually true. Most jobs haven't changed much at all in that time.

Bratsandtwats · 03/12/2017 21:09

describe all you've done as if it was a "job" (I use the term uncomfortably - it would have been work!). You'd be surprised at the number of skills you would have developed/can demonstrate from doing that. Bet if you told them a day in your life they'd be impressed!

There have been several threads on here with recruiters saying that you should absolutely NOT do this.

wherethewildrosesgrow · 03/12/2017 21:10

I agree with you Marylou, if you say you have a carers role, the first thing many interviewer will think will be 'are they going to need extra time off'.....very unPC, but fucking true in my experience, you can see it in their faces.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 03/12/2017 21:12

Persevere. I was PA to Chief Exec and then a SAHM for fifteen years.

Got the second job I applied for after deciding to return to work. I was totally honest on my CV but I had done a lot of voluntary stuff...charity things, running toddler groups etc so maybe that helped.

JeanSeberg · 03/12/2017 21:13

How are your pc skills - Word, Excel, PowerPoint etc?

cantkeepawayforever · 03/12/2017 21:13

I would also look into the (niche, but hard to fill) jobs that you might be uniquely fitted to fill because of your experience.

For example, i am aware of someone with many years' experience of being un / underemployed while a carer for a child with significant needs, who landed an absolutely brilliant job advising / advocating for families in a somewhat similar position. They went straight into the organisation at a very senior level because of the uniqueness of their experience.

I would also have a (verbal) line ready about how ongoing your caring responsibilities are likely to be, to be used pre-emptively 'I was a SAMP for a child with additional needs, but now they are much more independent and I have robust support in place, I am once more able to work full / part time'. You SHOULDN'T need to use the line, but it is almost bound to be in the back of an interviewer's mind, so if you can tell a positive story - that you believe that you will be able to work full / part time without extra time off for caring - then you should.

Thirtyrock39 · 03/12/2017 21:17

If you are struggling to find work in your ideal field You may need to take a lower status job just for a while to 'prove' you are employable . I say this from experience. I had 5 years as a SAHM and did loads of voluntary work in that time but couldn't get any of the jobs I wanted . Ended up working in a pub for a year (which was actually great for my confidence and meant I could do other training around the kids in the day) I then got the first job I went for in a competitive field once I had a current employer on my cv .

cantkeepawayforever · 03/12/2017 21:17

I would also agree with those who say volunteering or temp work will be very helpful - a reference from somewhere where you have volunteered twice a week for a month or two, or from a temp job that you did well, may well be all the reassurance that an employer needs.

Viviennemary · 03/12/2017 21:17

It's just not that usual these days to be out of the workplace completely for fourteen years. I think it would be an idea to put carer on the form. And then they'd know you weren't just doing lunches and swanning about when your children were older.

Witchitywoo · 03/12/2017 21:23

20 years as a SAHM with DC with special needs. Never ever thought anyone would employ me but after writing a skills based cv and applying for loads of jobs I recently started a full time admin job. Even had a few interviews and offered another job too. So don't write yourself off. Good luck!

museumum · 03/12/2017 21:32

I would say that you were sahp to a disabled child who now has a greater level of independence allowing you to pursue your desire to rejoin the workforce.

I think without the extra detail they may think you choosing to stay at home for a relatively long time may show a lack of interest in work or work-related ambition.

Twickerhun · 03/12/2017 21:32

Don’t list the skills you’ve learned as a mum as if it was a job - it looks terrible to an employer.
Emphasise that you have been a career but due to changes in circumstances you can now work ft/pt.
I know you said you tried voluntary work - keep looking. We role will tell you to try temp work, it’s great advice but hard to get good work so don’t be despondent if this doesn’t work out.
Make sure you emphasise up to date IT skills.

Twickerhun · 03/12/2017 21:33

Sorry for all the typos - hope you can follow my post.

Phineyj · 03/12/2017 21:44

A couple of suggestions for practical things you can do that will show you have admin skills, but aren't too time-consuming: Freecycle/Freegle moderator or helping with a local charity. A couple I've been involved with was one linked to NCT that helped low income new mums get baby equipment and a music group that was just starting up that needed someone to look after memberships and register them as a charity. I did these to keep my hand in with communication and finance skills while completing a training course and temporarily not being employed.

My sister was out of the workplace for 9 or 10 years and while she found it hard to get back in (and has accepted work that is more basic and on a lower wage than she used to have) she did eventually find something.

Phineyj · 03/12/2017 21:47

Also, I feel you need to be meeting people in person. If you make a good impression as a can-do and trustworthy person, that will be more important than a rusty CV. If I were you I'd contact every friend, acquaintance and contact (especially anyone involved with small businesses) to see if you can get a foot in the door somewhere, even if it's just a one-off job or a few days of work.

TwitterQueen1 · 03/12/2017 21:58

tbh, what you've done in the last 14 years as a SAHP is completely irrelevant to a prospective employer. What they're interested in is what you can do now. So your best bet for employment is temp to perm. Prove yourself in a job now, and you will get offers.

Somebody said upthread that nothing much had changed in the last 14 years - total rubbish. Everything has changed. That doesn't mean that you're ill-equipped or inadequate, people just want to know that you can cope with the now.

QuarksandLeptons · 03/12/2017 22:15

I think you should take a bit of time to ‘rebrand’ in your own mind what you’ve done for 14 years.

Yes, you’ve taken time away from paid employment to bring up a family but you’ve also retrained as a teacher for both primary and secondary school levels. Not only that, you’ve progressed from standard teaching to that of someone with very specific special needs teaching skills. Even better, you’ve had success with your son, so you’ve got a proven track record that your teaching was very effective.

If I were you, I would focus on getting a job within teaching of some description, perhaps as a tutor / special needs tutor. As a tutor you could be your own boss so the only people interviewing you would be prospective clients.

You’ll find out if you may need some further formal training for a specific role once you research the jobs open to you and then you can do that if it seems necessary.

Good luck! Smile

FlowerPot1234 · 03/12/2017 22:21

RumTumTiger

Funny the advisor at the employment centre told me I didn't need to say anything other to returning work after SAHM. Fat lot of good that advice was...

Employment centres and recruiters know nothing.

If you have been a PA to a CEO, I see no reason why you can't aim for that again. Are you still in touch with them? Have you called them?

Explain you have been caring for a child who required you to stay at home/parental presence 24/7. Give detail in a way that is open, without too revealing. Don't go on about transferable skills of being a parent, any approach that does that just makes anyone reading it cringe. There are transferable skills brushing my teeth in the morning, getting on the tube, cooking dinner and knitting a pullover but we don't go on about that when we apply for jobs do we?

Very best of luck.

zippydoodaar · 03/12/2017 22:41

The landscape for PA and admin roles has changed dramatically over the last 15 years. In short, there are far fewer roles available but the same if not more candidates. That, coupled with firms making redundancies make it a difficult sea to navigate. Also, most staff do their own admin and PAs now have to look after two, three, four, five directors....

Could you do something else?

Babbitywabbit · 03/12/2017 22:47

where did the OP say she’d retrained as a teacher?

SmokeintheR00m · 03/12/2017 23:32

I agree PA work has changed. Alot of PA work is now redundant due to people using webex or Skype type technologies. I would look for general office work to start and once employed look for other opportunities

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 04/12/2017 00:03

I haven’t worked in a proper job for 11 years as I’ve been a sahm and we’re lucky that my dh can support me. We have no childcare available so it would be impossible for me to work full time. I have volunteered in my dc’s school though for the past five years as well as being on a few village groups and committees so I have filled my time in a way. Anything like that you could muster up?

MaisyPops · 04/12/2017 07:11

retrained as a teacher for both primary and secondary school levels. Not only that, you’ve progressed from standard teaching to that of someone with very specific special needs teaching skills. Even better, you’ve had success with your son, so you’ve got a proven track record that your teaching was very effective
Except (unless I've missed something) she hasn't retrained as a teacher at all.

She has done some home education for her own child. That us not the same as being a teacher.

Are you the type of person who also advises people to point out how running their own house is the same as being a PA? Or looking after their own child is just like being a childcare worker? And that because you cook and clean at home that's the job of a chef and cleaner?
You know, the very advise many, many people in recruitment have explicitly said on multiple threads not to do.

OP, I'm with others on this. Don't dwell too much on thr detail. They're bothered by the time out and how you'll slot back into the workforce. I'd aim for a temp job or some voluntary experience and then you've got a relevant reference you can use.
Good lucl.

MaisyPops · 04/12/2017 07:11

*advice