aibu to lie?

[nutellatruffle]

I was arguing a bit with my husband yesterday and one of the things that he brought up is he hates the fact I lie.

It's true, I lie a lot about little things. But it is because I don't like confrontation so I tell lies to avoid him getting annoyed with me. Yesterday's row was because I went to a shopping centre as I wanted to see if they had something in stock, but it wasn't in our local one, when he asked where I'd been I said to town a instead of town b.

Usually he doesn't find out but sometimes he does and gets annoyed,

So is it me who is in the wrong or him.

'Though as she's lying about it, she's only assuming that he will get annoyed!'

She's probably learnt from experience, someone who's tight enough to comment on an extra 3 miles isn't just going to be like that about one thing only, I'm sure she knows full well how he'll react - at some point in the future.

And that 'at some point in the future' keeps her on her toes, guessing when/what he's going to bring up?

He's probably not as bad as I'm imaging and it is something you can learn to live with, by lying or just going along with whatever bollocks they come up with.

Is he like this with anything else nutella? What other kinds of things do you feel you have to lie about to dodge his disapproval?

You know, I don't even know. We used to be really, really happy, but I think that was just because I did everything he wanted me to, would not ever argue. ... if I did piss him off I'd get upset rather than try and stand up to him. I know that makes me sound like such a wimp but I was only young and quite vulnerable. Now, I'm more inclined to fight my corner a bit and I think he knows it.

I think it is probably time to end the relationship. He is controlling and you lie. The trust is gone if it ever was there.

NUtellaTruffle, it actually is that simple. You either tolerate abusive behaviour or you don't.

It's not EASY to kick someone out for abusive behaviour, but it IS simple. There is a very clear line in the sand to draw here, ie "you will not try to control or question my personal time, my movements, or my personal decisions, and if you do i will leave you"

he may draw his own line. he may say "You will not lie to me about ANYTHING,petty or otherwise, and if you do I will leave you"

because seriously Nutella, I know it seems complex but it really fucking isn't. It's a simple shitty power play between the two of you. he tries to control you, you grab control back with lies. It's a crap dynamic and not worth living in

I agree with that but it doesn't make it simple especially when you have kids.