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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Abandoned child

99 replies

Notmycuntingfault · 02/12/2017 14:25

NC for this for obvious reasons.

I live in a rambling, big disjointed house. Think corridors, connecting halls etc. It's odd but I love it.

My nephew dropped by yesterday with his gf and toddler. I haven't seen him for a few years, distance, life and money etc.

Now, I had no warning they were coming and he painted it as they were just in the area. So, I made lunch we chatted and laughed ''twas nice.
Time got on and I said "Stay and go home tomorrow" they accepted and I sorted a big room out for the three of them.

All good so far.

I get up this morning and start making a big breakfast for everyone. They join me and we all eat together.

Afterwards they go off to pack up and I clear the breakfast things and take to kitchen (four big rooms away, this is important) when I finish I go back to main house and see or hear no one. Bit pissed that they left without saying goodbye or thank you but blame wankiness of youth.

I get on with my day and walk to the village and see their car is still in drive, I ring them and am told they went for a walk before leaving.

So I carry on and after chatting at shop etc amble back home.

When I get back I am faced with full on anger from nephew and gf as they had left son with me!
They had apparently shouted before they went for walk. So I had abandoned their son.

He was in their room alone for around an hour.
AIBU for not feeling guilt?
They should've checked it was ok.

He was fine.

OP posts:
ButchyRestingFace · 02/12/2017 15:53

I ring them and am told they went for a walk before leaving.

So surely at this point, when you’re on the phone to them, the penny would drop with them and they’d think, hang on, where’s our son?

Your house sounds great, btw.

MonumentalAlabaster · 02/12/2017 15:58

They said YOU should check all rooms before you go out?

What a nerve!

How about THEY should check to be certain you are aware a small child has been left in your care? They should have asked you properly, which means whilst standing in the same room as you, for 2 reasons:

  1. Because this is the polite & respectful way to make such a request
and
  1. To be absolutely certain you have heard and that the child is therefore safe.
To be so rude & careless and then to blame you is beyond belief. It's particularly appalling bearing in mind how welcoming you had been - lunch then an overnight stay & breakfast, all without notice! You sound like an exceptionally kind & generous hostess and they are taking the piss.
AlternativeTentacle · 02/12/2017 15:58

They have since phoned round the family and now no one will visit me ever again

Are you sure this wasn't some sort of revenge plan? Have you upset anyone in the family for any reason?

mumisnotmyname · 02/12/2017 15:59

They are very cheeky ! Regardless of the size or nature of your house they needed to have a clear conversation with you where you agreed to look after their child for them. As this hadn't happened they shouldn't have left. I am assuming their anger was misplaced guilt for having screwed up.

happypoobum · 02/12/2017 16:00

YANBU

can we still have the festival, it sounds great

zzzzz · 02/12/2017 16:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 02/12/2017 16:02

I agree with the pp that the anger could well have been their own guilt coming out (not that that excuses anything). But to bad mouth you to family after all your hospitality is just awful!!

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints · 02/12/2017 16:03

Shock they're utter knobs. You don't just yell something like that on your way out of a big house and expect to be heard. My dc aren't overly clingy but at 16/17/18 months none of them have been happy being with anyone other than me/dh let alone someone they've only just met!

I'm up for mumsfest Grin

whiteroseredrose · 02/12/2017 16:14

What a bizarre thing to do! Why didn't they bring their DC to you and ask? And let the toddler know too. People are strange (and irresponsible).

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 02/12/2017 16:23

How do they know you heard them? (you didnt...)

dustarr73 · 02/12/2017 16:25

When you rang looking for them, did it not occur to them to mention the toddler.Ask after him.

teaandtoast · 02/12/2017 16:29

What a pair of thoughtless fools.

Gemini69 · 02/12/2017 16:30

Maybe Social Services would be interested in their Parenting skills... how they find hollering to someone in a massive house.. that they're leaving their 17 month old child behind as they want to go a walk.... without actually checking that anyone heard them... and the Child was safe.... PRIOR to them leaving..... yes i think Social Services would look upon this kind of parent with a frown.....Hmm

gingergenius · 02/12/2017 16:31

Bonkers. The pair of them. And cheeky fuckers to boot!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 02/12/2017 16:34

I would text them:

“It is YOUR responsibility to make SURE that the person who you want to look after your child actually KNOWS they are doing this. You ask them face to face, you don’t just shout as you leave, and neglect to wait for an actual reply. And you ASK them IF they mind looking after your child, you don’t just tell them.

What happened is 100% your fault, not mine!”

Sashkin · 02/12/2017 16:37

I wouldn't leave an 18mo unattended in a strange house even if I was 100% sure that you had heard me yelling up the stairs and were happy to have him. 18mos get into everything! He could have wrecked the place, or fallen down the stairs, or anything.

Totally unreasonable, and make you wonder how badly he is supervised at home.

TitaniasCloset · 02/12/2017 16:40

They sound useless, completely disorganised and irresponsible. YANBU. What did you tell the rest of the family?

I too am interested in mumsfest. Can I bring my dog?

diddl · 02/12/2017 16:48

"They have since phoned round the family and now no one will visit me ever again"

Well, if someone believed that I was capable of deliberately leaving behind a child that I had been asked to look after then they could fuck right off anyway.

Who has the above come from?

Won't anyone want to call you to get your side?

It does seem odd that in the phone call no indication was given that they thought that their child was with you.

BewareOfDragons · 02/12/2017 16:52

You live alone, but you're supposed to wander through your house checking rooms to make sure any guests haven't left their toddlers in the house for you to babysit? For free? Without asking?

Um yeah. No.

Sounds like you are well rid. I would send this thread to your sister if she's nutso enough to think her darling boy is in the right, Then change your name.

StarWarsFanatic · 02/12/2017 17:00

YADNBU. What everyone else said.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/12/2017 17:09

Have you had a text from your sister to that effect?

I’d be replying “It was so lovely to see (little Timmy). He’s very sweet. It’s a pity his parents failed to mention they’d left him behind in x room when they disappeared. I would have loved to spend some time playing with him. TBH I thought they’d gone home until I saw the car in the drive. As is, big Timmy and Wifie have created a credulous plot for the next home alone movie: Abandoned at Great Aunt Nots. If you think I’d knowingly leave a small child alone in my home, more fool you.”

KeepServingTheDrinks · 02/12/2017 17:27

I was so totally PFB about my DD when she was two, I'd never, never, never have just walked out and left her without passing on some huge list. I can't believe they did that.

Can I come to mumfest? DD now 16 and a great babysitter. She's not lost one yet!

MonumentalAlabaster · 02/12/2017 17:46

There is a certain sort of attitude some people have towards others who have more than them materially - they seem to feel they have an entitlement to a share of what you have. I'm wondering if your lovely large rambling house puts you in this category for them? So they turn up out of the blue and see it as somehow their due to be fed lovely meals and stay overnight and then assume babysitting services are theirs for the taking too. They are taking you for granted and seem to feel they have a right to everything you've done for them instead of gratitude for your exceptional hospitality. I recognise this because I have been similarly treated by a neighbour for whom I did a favour over a period of years, during which time she became more & more selfish and thoughtless in the way she took the favour. Long story but it didn't end well and she thought WE were the unreasonable ones.

Original poster
Notmycuntingfault · 02/12/2017 17:46

I am thoroughly loving all these answers! Thank you all
He has only really moaned to his mother. Who has phoned me to bollock me, water off a ducks back now, I'm youngest sister. Therefore hated by the elders!!
I've lived here for tenish years now and no one has even popped over until this so I think I'll be ok!
Sis said "you're a mother, you should know!" My baby is 23 and serving overseas.
I think the bemused look on my face when they were so angry just made them worse!

All is fine and was fine.

They knew they fucked up and now too pigheaded to admit it!

OP posts:
Jux · 02/12/2017 18:06

“So after dumping your child without even discussing with me, you now bad mouth me round the family? Who’s surprised I moved away?”