AIBU To think the school should’ve contacted me

[Bigboobielou]

To think if a child leaves a note for a teacher at school about a genuine concern that they should contact the child’s DM!?

My DS (8 yr old) has been anxious and cranky for weeks. I’d put it down to a fallout he had with his best friend but after I sat down with him tonight to have a chat about his moodiness, he broke down and admitted he was concerned about his Dad/my stbxh saying horrible things about me in his presence.

My stbxh has told my DS not to tell me about anything he says about me, and it’s been causing my DS much distress. My DS is very sensitive as it is.

It later transpired that my DS left a note about this for a teacher at school and it’s gone completely ignored! My DS says he left it on the desk and watched the teacher pick it up. The teacher didn’t talk to my DS about the note or the concerns he has and they have failed to contact me! I’ve checked his backpack and the parent/teacher portal online and nothing! I’m fuming about this.

Is this normal school procedure or am I right to think this is very concerning?

@ToDUK I like how you completely ignored my suggestion of a worry box.

I find your characterisation of MN school threads strange as what I often see - on other threads as well as this one - is posters rushing to typify any parent who criticises a school as 'THAT parent'.
People only say someone is being 'that parent' if they are.
Someone who wants advice and says they are thinking of contacting the school (but is very aware that they only havr one side) don't tend to get branded that parent.

People who get branded 'that parent' are the onrs who are quick to be furious ahd fuming because their DC couldn't have done anything wrong ever.

It's not the complaining or raising concerns that makes someone 'that parent'. It is the way they do it. I deal with concerns from parents in my role. Most of yhem are reasonable light years away from being 'that parent'.

Someone kicks off based on half yhr facts then yes, they are that parent.

The child made a disclosure and the teacher ignored it. If they picked up the note and didn't read it that is as bad
Did they? Is it?
I've picked up piles of paper off my desk yo look through/deal with in my PPA (which may be in 3 days time). I'm not psychic.

We don't know what the note said
We don't know how it was left.
Without that we cant comment

I really hope you DON'T work in a school ^

Lizzie48

the only two posters that have tried to label the OP as "that parent" are you and Ketzele.

@Butterfr33 that doesn't in the slightest deal with the issue at hand. It could be useful for future issues but it doesn't deal with what should happen in this case . And there's no point having a worry box if you don't have a strategy for dealing with worries. I've seen them in several schools and only in one have I actually seen it be used to any effect.

Thank you very much to everyone who is offering support and helpful advice for my DS and I it means a lot.

Just to clear up some questions asked; the school are aware of my stbxh criminal record/domestic abuse against me. I informed them last year. All the staff were informed at that time due to concerns I had about my stbxh collecting my DS from school without my consent.

Some of you have mentioned the possibility that the school contacted my stbxh about the note- I really hope that hasn’t happened as he is hugely manipulative and will lie and twist things around. But I still can’t fathom why they would tell him but not acknowledge me or my DS. He has been away for a few weeks so thankfully DS hasn’t seen him recently and I will now stop contact.

I would like to think the teacher lost/binned the note before he had the chance to read it but as my DS saw him pick it up, I highly doubt that’s the case.

My DS is alot more relaxed since telling me. It’s definitely a weight off mind.

OP school wouldn’t necessarily contact the parent inthe first instance. A member of staff should have, by now, spoken to Your ds about his note - every school has a staff member who takes onthe role as safeguarding officer.

Do you know if your ds has been spoken to? It wouldn’t be a “Stay behind at breaktime ds as Mrs X needs to speak to you” kind of way.

Once your ds has had opportunity to speak about his worries to a staff member the safeguarding officer will need to speak to relevant people about the disclosure. If he has been spoken with you will be contacted during the enquiry.

3 weeks does seem to be a long time. If ds definately hasn’t had opportunity to speak of his disclosure yet I would agree with pp - The teacher hasn’t read the note.

Glad to read your ds is feeling less anxious today. Hope you manage to get things sorted soon 💐

I really hope you DON'T work in a school ^
Here. Have a grip.
There's always one who reliably makes some pointless comment like that.

I do work in a school, which is PRECISELY why I've said ther ecould be lots of situations / actions taken depending on the content of the note, how much school is aware of etc.

It still stands that even though I would talk to the child and reassure them if i saw a note, I absolutely would not be contacting home about it.

The OP is withon her rights to speak to school about the situation anf hear what's gone on. She wouldn't be within her rights to go on being fuming and saying school have failed in safeguarding when she doesn't have the whole pictute

Thankfully the OP is speaking more sense than some.

Freste - Teachers are NOT instructed to NEVER initiate a conversation with a child over safeguarding concerns - You have obviously received different training than at our school.

That said, no-one is suggesting the teacher should ignore the child or fail to invite the child to speak further about anything he wanted to. In fact, the lack of acknowledgement of having read the note is a problem.

OP - I hope you've had the opportunity to speak to the school about your son's concerns and give them helpful information regarding this Safeguarding issue for him. They cannot contact you to discuss it, but if you initiate and volunteer the information, they can support you (within the limits of an occasionally inadequate SS system!) and are legally obliged to pass on any information you give them through the 'proper' channels.

So what would you do if you saw a child had a nasty, suspicious looking bruise while changing for PE?

Fresta
If it's a concerning bruise then my school policy would be to get a body map, annotate it and fill in a safeguarding form.

We wouldn't start a conversation with the child about the bruise.

Once they were changed i'd probably start a conversation with them and see how they are in general. Anything mentioned or noticed in that conversation would also go on the form. If thr child discloses something then we'd tell them we have to share information to keep them safe.

The person who decides what happens is the safeguarding leader, not the class teacher.

Yes, a body map would be used if you were concerned about the cause of the bruise and wanted to record it. But without initiating a conversation with the child then how would you determine if a bruise was from an innocent accident like fall from their bike or a punch from a parent?

If I saw a child with an injury I would always say something innocent like, 'ooh, thats a big bruise, what happened there ?'. If the child said they fell off their bike then it's not a cause for concern so no need to record on safeguarding documents. If there was no explanation, or the child responded with something which concerned you then you would record.

Fresta
We get training on what are typical and non typical bruises for children at different ages. Typical type brusies then we'd probably chat, like when a student came in with steri strips across his head when he does sport. And i'd keep an eye from a distance but no concern
If it was a bruise that typically only occurs maliciously i wouldn't say anything.

If we were in any doubt we'd fill a form in. If it's nothing and no repeats then there's no pattern. If there were lots over time then it would build a picture but again that's not for the teacher to decide.

Yes, we get training too, obviously children are active and often have lots of bruises. We all know about bruises to shins, elbows etc. being normal in most cases. However, the training we received has never told us not to question a child about a bruise which might not be in a commonly bruised place. Why wouldn't you ask?