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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think they are very cheeky? *sensitive subject*

86 replies

Afanofchocolate · 01/12/2017 17:01

I'm fed up of this couple asking for money basically, but due to circumstances I don't feel able to ask other mates if it's just me thinking the couple are CFs.

The couple in question have a severely disabled child. They recently moved to a massive 5 bed detached house but have realised that getting their child upstairs to the bathroom etc is a big struggle, so have started fundraising for a £15k lift to be installed.

5 times I have been asked to donate more money towards it. Fair enough a couple have been raffles etc.
I'm not tight fisted and do want life to be easier for the family, but I find it massively cheeky to put it upon your friends and family to fund adjustments to your home. They own other properties, took a long time deciding on the current house, have very nice cars, one of them earns a lot of money, recent wedding must have cost at least £25k.

How can I say no when asked again without making me look like an awful person?

OP posts:
CoraPirbright · 01/12/2017 19:36

God that would make my blood boil - how dare they make jokes and guilt trip you?? As others have said - why the fuck did they buy such an unsuitable house??

Next time you are on the receiving end of one of these ‘jokes”, I would look them dead in the eye and ask “how much did your wedding cost?” Then just go absolutely silent whilst still eye-balling them and watch them blush and splutter. But thats a fairly nuclear option if you want to remain friends....although god knows why you would.

ArnoldBee · 01/12/2017 20:03

Mmm it's a tough one as bringing up a disabled child is expensive. By the sounds of their financial situation they may not qualify for a disabled facilities grant from the council however there are other charities out there that may be able to help you just need the patience to work your way through them.
The main issue here is that they are trying to shame you to contribute which is not appropriate along with sourcing their donations from the same group of people. They need to widen their net as how long will this continue for?

StripeyDeckchair · 01/12/2017 20:34

I always respond that I choose the charities I will support annually based on what's happening in my family and the wider world and my own personal values. I then give in the most tax efficient way and that I support the idea that to broadcast ones charitable giving from the rooftops is self grandiosity.

Ask your friend for her charity details, you only give where admin charges per their accounts are minimal in relation to their charitable activities, it should shut her up.

Or be blunt and ask her why she's asking you for money when she has assets she could realise to make her child's life better. Your child(ren) might not be disabled but you have a responsibility to ensure they have the best life you can give them.

She one CF

MrGrumpy01 · 01/12/2017 20:52

A DFG for a child is not means tested so they could go down that route. If she is severely disabled chances are she is already known to the OT team.

At that price it is likely to be a through floor lift, but they need to get more quotes, that is still quite high.

But they shouldn't keep asking you.

IckyPop · 01/12/2017 23:15

What Havingahorridtime said. Local authorities assess on need, and for children it is not income assessed (at least that's how it used to be, things may have changed in recent times).

CisCucumber · 01/12/2017 23:20

A DFG is means tested and always has been in our area
If they don't qualify it does mean they can afford it

Anditstartsagain · 01/12/2017 23:25

Next time they joke about you being tight say I think you need to look up the word donation then stare at them with resting bitch face until the back off Grin

Havingahorridtime · 01/12/2017 23:28

arnold disabled facilities grants are not means tested for children under the age of 16. It wouldn't matter how much money they have if the assessment says they need a lift then a lift should be provided regardless of their income.
I'm also guessing it isn't a stair lift that they want but an actual through the ceiling lift which is why it's £15k instead of a few thousand. I agree that they are cheeky though for continually asking the same people for donations.

ItsNachoCheese · 01/12/2017 23:28

Id say politely but firmly you wont be donating again

Havingahorridtime · 01/12/2017 23:32

cucumber I think it is a national thing that they cannot means test dfg for children. Most areas do and always have means tested them for disabled adults though.
It's only a few years since we had our wet room installed and our finances were never mentioned.

Angelalley · 01/12/2017 23:35

say no and nc again

Chrys2017 · 01/12/2017 23:45

They could install a wet room on the ground floor for around £5k. Bit off the topic but it seems odd that they wouldn't just do this.

papayasareyum · 01/12/2017 23:48

so they own three properties, their main one being very large? They should have bought a bungalow and by the sounds of it can afford to modify it to their specification

Angelalley · 02/12/2017 00:08

AS

C8H10N4O2 · 02/12/2017 00:09

Fascinating subject for your first post OP. Seems to be a spate of new posters lately having problems with greedy/unreasonable disabled people.

WorraLiberty · 02/12/2017 00:10

If this is true then I'm really confused as to why you don't

A) Tell them you've already donated and now you're skint, so that's that.

B) Tell them that as they apparently own other properties, they can sort it out themselves and then ask why wouldn't they?

C) Point out that as they paid 25k for a recent wedding, they should have considered their child first.

Before you reply with the popular MN line of "But I don't like confrontation", it's not confrontation, it's just fact and you can put it across as such.

Angelalley · 02/12/2017 00:10

Watch the pretties be played
so 0/10

Viviennemary · 02/12/2017 00:18

They sound as if they have plenty of money and don't need donations from you. Just say you are now giving money to x charity and won't be donating to them for the time being. You could say when you've sold all your cars and houses come back to me and I'll see what I can do. Honestly they do sound cheeky and thick skinned.

HelpTheTigers · 02/12/2017 00:21

Can you keep on asking them to donate to a charity that you are particularly interested in? They seem to be rude and entitled.

My former neighbour had a disabled child and was given an extension by the local authority housing adaptations service, including a wet room, extra bedroom (very big) with a small seating area. After a few years, they sold up and bought a new house, keeping the additional value of the sale price. They CFs told me that they had done this twice before, in a different local authority area. I don't know if the Council funded any works on their next property, but it is possible that they did so. I know that my former neighbours were intending to apply.

It's a really good and essential service provided to people who need it, but it shouldn't be abused and used as an additional source of capital, which probably also prevents others from accessing the limited annual budgets available.

quizqueen · 02/12/2017 00:30

Tell them they should have bought a bungalow. It's not your problem.

DixieNormas · 02/12/2017 00:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hollowtree · 02/12/2017 00:32

Sorry, what does CF stand for? And also yes don't feel bad for not donating any more. You have already contributed and done your bit to help!

DixieNormas · 02/12/2017 00:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hollowtree · 02/12/2017 00:47

Ahh thank you dixie

KeepServingTheDrinks · 02/12/2017 00:56

.