The working mums on school night out

[TimothyTaylor]

I went to our school festive drinks thing last night. A large portion of the evening was spent with a group of mums (who all work outside of the home) trying to "boost my confidence" and "help with my cv" and "help me to explore my power" (wtf). They seemed on a mission to get me back into work. I am a sahm through choice. I sometimes joke about getting a job for a break etc (just a joke) but am very happy in my role at home for now. They made me feel a bit sad and pathetic, as if I was only at home because I had no self-belief or confidence to go back to work. I said firmly but nicely on a couple of occasions that I wasn't working through choice and was happy to do that - but even that elicited "of course but in a couple of years when you're ready you must blah blah blah". Then I got the old "I admire you for sacrificing so much for your kids - being at home all day would do me in". Somehow that always feels like a jibe.

Anyway, it just left me feeling a bit irritated that there's a sense of sahms all being mad jealous of working mums and that we're only at home because we can't get a job!

Maybe they were just pissed. I know no harm was meant...

[LipstickHandbagCoffee]

No assumptions made op has said she wants a job.they were responding to that
This wasn’t an unsolicited conversation,or intrusive comments
Op said I want a job...

[LipstickHandbagCoffee]

Haha,appropriate topics. Yes the lil ladies mustn’t discuss employment or politics
Yes stick to the weather, if you deem it best that ladies have appropriate topics
Meanwhile in rl people talk work,politics, news, local stuff and they don’t implode

[mousemoose]

good point minipie!

[NataliaOsipova]

I sometimes joke about getting a job for a break etc (just a joke) but am very happy in my role at home for now.

That's very, very different from saying "I want a job. Can anyone offer any helpful advice."

Equally, if I say, "I'm going to divorce DH if he's left the laundry all over the floor", then the correct response is probably not to offer me the card of a local divorce lawyer.....

[LipstickHandbagCoffee]

Laundry left on floor would usually generate a mn leave the bastard response and contact details of a lawyer

[NataliaOsipova]

That's fair, Lipstick . But only on MN - probably wouldn't be in real life!!

[Lizzie48]

I used to joke about that with my DH when I had 2 DDs at home aged 4 and 1 and I was a SAHM. (I was only half joking as well, as at that time I didn't even get a break to go to the toilet!) But I wouldn't think that now that they're in school. It depends what age they are, OP.

It wouldn't upset me if the other mums tried to help in that way. But then, I am working some of the time, just not paid as it's for a Christian charity.

[kath6144]

Lipstick - are we reading the same thread? You have written twice that Op says 'I need a job'

I have read and re-read and re-read again the original post, and I can find no place where she says this?

In fact she actually says

I said firmly but nicely on a couple of occasions that I wasn't working through choice and was happy to do that

Which tells me she doesnt need or want a job at this point in time. Yes she may joke about a job, but again her post doesn't state that she made that joke last night, I am guessing she didn't if she doesn't know these mums very well?

Op, just enjoy your time at home, and maybe sit with others next time!!

[LipstickHandbagCoffee]

Indeed only on mn is it straight to LTB if FT working partner doesn’t rinse your mooncup

[Blahblahblahzeeblah]

For goodness sake. A lot of working mums say they work because full time with the kids is too tedious, boring etc. I've heard women say going to work is a break from all of that, a chance.to.be a woman not just a mum.

[LipstickHandbagCoffee]

Same op who has said I need job,also saying on that night no I’m fine
I expect this is were the attempts at confidence building came,op prevarication
Having heard op in past say she wanted job they probably thought confidence was needing a boost too. As there appears to be ambivalence
Finding her power advice,now that’s seriously woo and silly

[venellopevonschweetz]

I think I'm reading a different post to everyone else....

@TimothyTaylor YANBU, they were behaving like dickheads, as are a lot of posters on this thread.

I'm a FT working mum and have been since DS was a baby, through choice not because I need to.

Im in the minority amongst my school mum friends but I would never dream of trying to help any of them to "get a job" or "work on their cv" (unless they very specifically asked me, and that does not include jokes about needing a job for a break - which I get btw, school holidays drive me batshit spending all that time with DS lol)

Tell them to fuck off.

[LipstickHandbagCoffee]

Tell them to fuck off?Well that’s one one to liven up a night out,in between pass the bread please

[FindoGask]

They probably were just pissed and there's no reason to think they meant any harm. It's such a touchy subject. Maybe they misconstrued your joke about wanting a job, or maybe you were making some polite general remarks about working and they misconstrued those. I find it hard to believe they started bringing up your CV etc out of nowhere. But who knows. In any case, I'm not sure what you gain by spending the next day drumming up support so you get to feel aggrieved about it.

[FindoGask]

The more I read on mumsnet, the more relieved I am that I'm basically a hermit. People are exhausting.

[Blahblahblahzeeblah]

I get them trying to "help" but once the OP said she was very happy with her life the way it was they should've dropped it. Imagine the opposite:
Group of SAHMs "oh let us help you budget so you can stay home with your kids"
WOHM: "actually im.good, I find my career very fulfilling"
SAHM "yeah but you'd be happier at home, maybe if you just....."
Its unreasonable to keep pushing the point, especially in a many vs one situation.

[Sensimilla]

I sometimes joke about getting a job, for a break

you are the offensive/smug/irritating one

[Letseatgrandma]

Joking that you want a job for a break makes you sound clueless or a bit of a bitch.

[minipie]

venellope I agree they were probably being dicks but I think OP was being dickish first with her "get a job for a break" comment so...

[WazFlimFlam]

It's sounds like you feel a little bit 'got at', and they should have dropped it after you failed to engage rather than all joining in and carrying on with it.

However, for people who work, frequently having to look for work is a big aspect of working in our current climate. Minimising that could make you look like a bit of a twat, so be careful.

[Blahblahblahzeeblah]

Joking that you want a job for a break makes you sound clueless or a bit of a bitch.

No, it doesn't.

[Tinycitrus]

I work ft. It’s stressful
But it also a break from the household stuff/kids etc.

So it is a break in a way

[TheFickleFingerOfFate]

When I was sahm I was bored out of my skull. Only meeting other mums and babies - how I longed just to talk to someone about what was on the tv or world affairs. My sister however could stay and keep a nice home until the cows come home. Just say you're lucky enough to have the choice and you choose to stay at home. Because you ARE lucky not to need a second wage.

[TimothyTaylor]

I didn't say to any of these women that I wanted a job. In my OP I said "I sometimes joke about getting a job for a break" but I didn't mean I have said that to anyone at school. I may have said it privately at home as a joke. I do not think working is easier than being at home. Jeez, I can't actually remember saying it now and it not relevant to the OP but wowzers posters have grabbed that one line and run away with it!

[RyanStartedTheFire]

"of course but in a couple of years when you're ready you must blah blah blah".

What's wrong with that? Giving you advice for the future? Are planning on ever going back to work?