To not want to send DD to nursery because her speech is delayed?

[PatterPitter]

DD will be three just before Christmas and so is entitled to free hours at nursery from January. However, her speech is almost completely incomprehensible to anyone besides me and her siblings. Other people can only understand her saying Mummy, yes and no. She can't even say her siblings names. She talks loads at home and I understand 80% of it but it has to be in context so I can work it out.

I know a lot of people will say nursery will work wonders and she'll be speaking in no time but I talk to her all day, we read tons of books, she goes to three toddler groups each week and none of these things has made her speech easier to understand for outsiders. We were at soft play today and she was playing with her siblings and became really upset because a boy kept calling her a baby. He was probably younger than her but couldn't understand her saying that she wasn't a baby and that she's almost three.

She becomes frustrated and angry or cries if her siblings and I can't understand her, so I can't imagine how miserable she would be at nursery if no one could understand her. WIBU to wait until her speech has improved to send her to nursery?

OP I do think you're doing her a disservice but I COMPLETELY understand your reservations.

You mentioned her getting mocked...but that's not going to happen. The children she'll be with are three with their own complexities and issues....they just run around and paint.

It's so valuable for children with speech delays to be among peers, and as you say, she's nothing like her sister...she's her own person.

I would say to send her with the thought in your mind that she doesn't HAVE to go.

Also it will prep her for school....which isn't far away.

Have you tried echoing back to her? So she can hear how her speech sounds?
E.g. "dun dine?"..... "or do you mean Sun shine?"
Or give her a choice e g. " Do you mean door? Or four?"

Have you had her hearing checked?
If what you're doing isn't working is it worth seeing if there is a nursery you feel would offer appropriate provision?

Children need to be surrounded by language. They need to hear others speaking and have good reasons to practise speaking themselves.

They also need good reasons to feel confident and have good self-esteem.

It sounds like your DD is getting all the speech and interaction she needs with you, being around other children at three group activities a week and getting lots of one to one time with you.

I don't believe that any child needs to be cared for in a group setting at this age. She will continue to make progress at the rate that is right for her development, whether she is in nursery or at home with you. Whichever you choose you will probably feel it was the right decision as you see her making progress as she matures.

Keep modelling clear speech. Don't highlight her mistakes or ask her to repeat things she has said wrong if you can help it. Just keep talking to her lots about everything you see and do.

Follow your gut feeling. It is probably right.

It IS happening CheapSausages. She's tried joining in with others at toddler groups and they've laughed at her, called her a baby and refused to let her play.

My son spoke a completely different language until he was 5 - at least that's how it felt at the time - from 18 months he spent a few weeks at speech therapy 'B,,B,,B,into a balloon bless - what sticks is what the speech therapist told me - how many adults (as it's AIBU I'll say without disabilities yada yada) do you know who can't say their name?

Now? can''t shut the bloody bugger up!

DS had a speech delay that was identified at 3.5 (although I'd voiced concerns about the rate that he was acquiring vocabulary at for about a year before he was sufficiently behind for some action)

He was at nusery part-time for childcare anyway, and his key worker was fantastic at tailoring SALT activities to his interests, 1:1 and in groups. Nursery offered him more opportunities than I could provide on my own plus he still had my input anyway. Sometimes being the person that understands them the best isn't always the best for encouraging development of their skills.

A speech therapist said that! I am properly shocked.

Seriously can't believe you are worried about sending your child that says sentences like you have quoted earlier, to nursery. My son will be 3 in march, he doesnt have a clue what I am saying, has never said mummy in context, doesn't answer yes or no questions etc. Possible ASD.... you don't know how good you have it

That's incredibly unfair hilbil .

Yes there may well be children worse off but that doesn't stop you being concerned about your own. Maybe you don't realise how good you have it, compared to those with dc with even more complex needs

And there are people dying of cancer hilbil, you don't know how good you have it.

Oh wait, it's all relative. Not a 'who has it harder' competition

toddler groups aren't nurseries with paid staff - they are merely arenas for mums and their kids to hang out. no nursery worker is going to put up with your dd being ostracized for her speech issues.

talk to the nursery manager (who will likely also be the SENCo) and the SN person at your LA (Ours was called the Area IncO, but everywhere is different). Find out who the SaLT is that looks after that setting and get her seen there. The SLT will also be able to give her key worker some help and tips and probably some exercises to do with her in the setting. I assume they still have the IEP process in place (even if it's called something else now) and SMART target setting.

To be honest, she sounds as though she is cognitively more than ready for nursery and you would be holding her back by not sending her. It's always a choice though.

dd2 had 1-1 support for communication throughout nursery and yrR as her dysarthria was so bad. She has an IQ of 142. Not being able to be understood was something she just had to work out over time. You won't be doing your dd any favours, or the other children in the nursery, if you don't just let her get on with it in an age appropriate way. Kids with SN don't need to remain hidden. They need to be given the same opportunities as every other kid, just properly supported along the way.

If my child was constructing sentences about Peppa pig and Rebecca rabbit I would be over the moon. Can't imagine being worried about anything if we were in that position to be honest.

I have however read on ASD groups that if a child won't accept an answer and wants you to almost repeat what they've said before they will move on it can be an asd trait. Hopefully that's not the case from what you've said about sibling.

I often read posts and think posters are being unfair, I dont think I am. But each to their own.

I didn't put up with it either, but it doesn't stop it happening or her being upset by it in the first place.

SaLT are chronically understaffed here - she was due for review three months ago but they just don't have the staff.

She can construct them but no one bar me can understand it, so that's pretty isolating for her.

I'm aware of the repeating thing and keeping an eye on her. I do think she displays some traits, just completely different ones to her sibling.

A few people have asked but you still haven't answered. Hearing tests?
Have you spoken to any nurseries? I understand your reluctance. A bad setting could be a disaster but a good nursery with experienced staff could actually help.

I did answer further up; Yes, her hearing has been checked and is fine.

I took her to look at a couple of nurseries last week and she completely recoiled when the staff spoke to her. Often when adults talk to her she'll grunt and stomp her foot and turn away.

@hilbil21 some parents with DC with ‘worse’ or different issues would be over the moon at what your DS does.

Some parents with DC with a terminal illness may say they can’t inagine being worried if they were in your position.

It doesn’t mean the OP isn’t going to worry about her DDs issue (however mild it may be) and try to decide what is best for her.

I think the repeating thing in the OP DD case is to check she is understood, she’s probably used to people going ‘oh yea’ or similar without understanding her and pretending they understand so she wants to check back. It sounded like that from what OP described anyway rather than not accepting an answer. That’s a bit different and part of the ‘rigid thinking’ that often goes with ASD.

Do what you think is best for your child

You know her best - no one else knows her or your situation as well as you.

So basically just ignore everyone and listen to your gut

When my daughter started pre school only I could really understand her (even my husband struggled). We started her just one afternoon a week and gradually increased, is that an option for you? She’s come on massively - her speech could be clearer but her language is advanced (we have had her assessed). It might also be worth paying for a couple of private speech therapy sessions - they are great at identifying the issues and giving you homework (which the children don’t realize they’re doing!)

Give it a try.

To note though, if your child just has a speech and language delay, their language will eventually pick up and being around children who have generally good language skills, may help her with her language skills.

However, if your child has a speech and language disorder, social communication difficulties, or a speech disorder etc. Being around children/ nursery, will have little to no effect in enhancing their language skills. Children in these groups, are not really able to learn language from their natural environment (hence the disorder). They have to be taught to communicate, speak clearly..using a variety of tools to communicate effectively and to help their language skills.

Children in this groups, who have complex speech and language difficulties but have managed to pick up language skills from being around children/ going to nursery. Must of already had other skills to compensate this...e.g. a child who has a severe complex language skills, but has good initiation or social skills were able to pick up language skills by being around other children etc. But at the end of the day, it's still good for these type of children to have regular contact with a speech therapist.

Like another PP said, Nursery is a gateway to access additional support, access to different opinions, professionals. Unfortunately , not all nurseries have this type of support.

It IS happening CheapSausages. She's tried joining in with others at toddler groups and they've laughed at her, called her a baby and refused to let her play.

Didn't read the whole thread. But are you saying you don't want to send your DD to nursery because of children making fun of her ?

I understand the anxiety. But I don't think thats a good reason (unless the child is being bullied..etc etc). What if your DD's language skills doesn't progress quick enough till reception/primary level ? What if she does have an underlining social communication disorder ? Would you keep her away from schools ? Parks ? The public ? These are extreme, but your comment is basically insinuating that.

Unfortunately, children with speech/language difficulties are more likely to be ridiculed. But if you feel anxious about what other people/ kids think about your DD. Your child will feed off from that and may become withdrawn.

Get her some speech therapy! My SD was still pretty incomprehensible at 5 and did have some comments made by peers at school. After speech therapy there was a massive improvement and she is now easily understood by everyone. I wish DP had done something about her speech earlier as I think it would have made things easier for her.

Shades OP said her DD is having SALT

It sounds like you are doing lots of great things, already have a speech therapist helping, modeling correct language at home etc. If you start to look a little further out, time wise, does that alter the picture? She will be going to school when she is 4, how do you ramp up slowly from her current daily life now to a point where she can easily transition to full time education? Maybe nursery 2 mornings a week would benefit her to start the process of needing to communicate her needs to other adults and kids in a way that is gentler than if she goes from home to school in one step?