To not want to send DD to nursery because her speech is delayed?

[PatterPitter]

DD will be three just before Christmas and so is entitled to free hours at nursery from January. However, her speech is almost completely incomprehensible to anyone besides me and her siblings. Other people can only understand her saying Mummy, yes and no. She can't even say her siblings names. She talks loads at home and I understand 80% of it but it has to be in context so I can work it out.

I know a lot of people will say nursery will work wonders and she'll be speaking in no time but I talk to her all day, we read tons of books, she goes to three toddler groups each week and none of these things has made her speech easier to understand for outsiders. We were at soft play today and she was playing with her siblings and became really upset because a boy kept calling her a baby. He was probably younger than her but couldn't understand her saying that she wasn't a baby and that she's almost three.

She becomes frustrated and angry or cries if her siblings and I can't understand her, so I can't imagine how miserable she would be at nursery if no one could understand her. WIBU to wait until her speech has improved to send her to nursery?

Correlation doesn't equal causation, Ttbb. Development leaps can happen at any time, and may happen to coincide with starting nursery/school, but one does not necessarily cause the other.

Mild speech delay is very common, first of all, so I'd encourage you not to get too worried too soon. It sounds like you are doing all the right things with your daughter already.

My concern with nursery, in your position, is that she will be in a large group of other three-year olds, with varying speech competency, and two or three adults; in terms of hearing a lot of 'high quality', well-enunciated, well-pronounced speech, I think she'd get more of that at home with you.

There is also no law to say that all three year olds must go to nursery; several of my children didn't, and have been happy at successful at school, even when they went directly into Reception. Depending on your dd's DOB, you could hold off sending her for now, see how it goes, and send her aged four if you think that a different kind of environment is worth trying.

Have you had her hearing checked?

This. Please do so if you haven't already. And please go to a Salt drop in if you haven't gone down that route already. And please do try adding some sign as it is a really good support for speech.

It will help, It did with my son, I looked at lots of different nurserys and the one I put him in, in the end was a small nursery, With a decent keyworker system where by his keyworker was there most days, and got to know him really well, He progressed so much, I definitely recommend it for speech delay.

It's probably worth mentioning that her older sister has ASD and was speech delayed too so I'm conscious of that. Older DD is very introverted and was upset at being misunderstood at nursery to the point that she just played alone. Younger DD is completely different and more likely to scream at and hit people that mock her

My friend's girl was significantly speech delayed and started preschool a couple of months before she turned three. Her speech improved very quickly and dramatically. I can understand about 95% of what she says now, a few months on.

My dd wasn't as old but aged 2 and a half years she only said a handful of words (mum, illk for milk) wowo for dog and that's about it, she started preschool 2 mornings a week and within 2 months was talking loads now just turned 3 she can say everything and anything and still surprise me with the words she comes out with.

Most other children her age definitely have comprehensible speech, in my experience. Her cousin who's half her age has more comprehensible words than her, I can have full conversations with other children of her age at toddler group.

I totally understand that your DD may well not improve significantly at nursery, that she may not respond like typical children do, so I don't want to say 'just do it, she'll be fine!' However- it's worth a shot! Best case scenario, she gets extra people helping her with her salt games, and is highly motivated to express herself clearly to other children.

Definitely send her!

This morning my FB 'on this day' popped up with a silly little film DS and I made with his playability pirates 5 years ago, when he was 3. He was almost unintelligible (but very cute) and it brought back all the worries I had at the time. He sounds very like your DD as he was very verbal and knew exactly what he wanted to say, just struggled with speech sounds.

I spent two years worrying about that boy. He went to nursery and loved it, and in reception the TA did some focused work with him on the sounds he really struggled with (differentiating b and p at that time).

He's now 8. He can hold a conversation with anyone, about anything. He's got a massive vocabulary. His speech is completely clear apart from the fact that most of his Rs are Ws. And that didn't hold Jonathan Ross back!

Really, just send her. She will be fine. And I very much doubt she'll be the only one with SAL issues there - I work with a lot of children's centres / primary schools and it's something they're seeing more and more.

You sound lovely and she'll be fine x

OP you say you've tried all these things and they haven't helped so why don't you let someone else try? Find a nursery with staff that are speech and language trained. Did you use sign language with your ASD child? Do you use it with this DD? Most settings have someone trained in this now don't they? If you don't use it then I suggest you prioritise find a group that you and DD can attend to learn and get a key worker in nursery that can teach your DD too. This will most likely help with her aggressive frustrations.

You haven't said if she had had her hearing tested. I can't recommend this enough.

Ds1 was exactly the same op with pronunciation. At 3 his vocabulary was far advanced for his age but he could not be understood by strangers at all.

Nursery completely turned him around - by reception he was like a different child (speech wise). It's amazing what they can express when there's no alternative, like mum to explain for them.

I would definitely start him at nursery. You can always withdraw him if it doesn't work out.

You don’t have to send her to nursery and you know her best. If you feel that she wouldn’t enjoy it or it would damage her confidence / cause her stress if she couldn’t be understood then keep her at home for a bit longer. If you’re doing lots with her at home and playgroups, etc so she’s mixing with other children then the one-to-one may help her speech even more than the nursery could.

Have SALT given you things to do at home, like a bag of things all beginning with the same sounds that she struggles with or a silly story with lots of words the same sound?

I chose not to send my DC2 to nursery for a different reason but I just felt it wasn’t the right choice for him. Do what you think is best. Maybe go and look at a few local nurseries to help make your mind up. She doesn’t have to go now though, she could go in 6/9/12 Months time.

Playmobil! Don't know what Playability pirates are!

DS is 8 and non verbal,he still goes to school. She can be taught using makaton...my son uses a communication iPad and more than anything else she needs stretching from you who understands!

Mine was selective mute, never spoken to any other children in nursery. Still gained a lot through nursery. Yes, he stood out, he was teased, mildly bullied, but he was happy and learned so much. Nursery staff were great, and I can thank them enough to made sure he was ready for school.

Have you looked at verbal dyspraxia?

I don't want to cause you unnecessary worry but my daughter has speech difficulties due to an undiagnosed problem and she became quite isolated and unhappy at her nursery. I think you should trust your own judgement & not worry about what is right for other 3 year olds.

Nursery is not a “gateway to support” it is entirely possible to get support without nursery.

Neither is nursery automatically a panacea for children with speech delays, many kids who go through nursery don’t magically improve or become perfectly clear in speech. That comes through work with SALT and good parental input. OP has both of those.

OP. It comes down to your own view on nursery generally. Do you think, aside from any speech issues, she will benefit from it? If so, sign her up, the nursery will soon gain an understanding of her communication. But, if you think she is doing fine generally and you’d rather have her home, then don’t feel pressured.

I understand. It's OK to not send her or you could send her for one or 2 mornings a week. My 3.5 year old can't speak apart from the occasional word and he uses photos to communicate there. The staff will show him 2 photos of different activities so he can choose. He loves it there.

I would follow whatever the SLT and your HV suggest

My DS2 didn't talk until he was 4 years but nursery staff had no problem communicating as he did understand the grown ups. So don't despair and good luck. He now doesn't stop talking!

She won't engage in signing or speech sound games because she thinks she's saying things correctly. She constantly checks I understand her - for example, today we were playing and she said 'mummy, I'm being Peppa pig, you can be Rebecca rabbit' and I can't just reply 'ok', I have to repeat 'Yes DD, you're being Peppa pig and I'm being Rebecca rabbit' otherwise she'll just keep saying it over and over. I'll model how to say things correctly but she just repeats how she says it like we're saying it the same way. She looks at people like they're idiots when they say they can't understand her.

YANBU. You’re the expert on your child.

I’m sure she’ll sort out her speech when she’s ready.