To not want DC (10) to do holiday transfer in different vehicle to me.

[freshstart24]

Posting quickly as I'm about to spend the evening with some of the people concerned.....

I'm going skiing with friends and family in Feb. SIL is organising. There will be 25 of us in self catered chalet. I have one child DS who will be 10, there are six other kids all aged between 15&18.

SIL wants her her brother (my DH) and I to do a huge grocery shop in a hired van as part of our transfer.

She asked me to send DS on the minibus transfer with all the others without DH or I. DS knows the other adults vaguely, and he knows the kids a bit too. He is quite shy of the other adults, it's a hair raising 90 min transfer followed by a scramble for bags and rooms.

DS is shy of the adults who would be with him. He is in awe of the older kids but they understandably find him boring and too young so they only interact with him minimally.

I initially said I'd send him without me on the transfer but then realised I felt extremely uncomfortable about it and have asked that either he joins us at the supermarket, or that I or DH go with him on the bus.

I'm already feeling unpopular, difficult and uncomfortable after making this request. I'm now worried I'm being PFB about it all.

DH is not DS' dad. Probably not relevant but didn't want to drip feed.

AIBU?

Has it been arranged who will be doing the cooking for each meal etc? I would definitely want people from each family involved in the shopping. I also think it wouldn't be great for the 10 year old who has been up since silly o clock to have to go food shopping for 25 people he will be tired and bored. I would insist on comprehensive meal plans being drawn up along with who is cooking what and who is cleaning up etc. otherwise people will take the mick or make you cook as you know what you bought. I would also suggest everyone draws straws for rooms sooner rather than later so the arguments happen on home soil and any bitterness should be settled before arrival.

Self catering for 25 people... wow you guys are brave.

Self catering for 25 people... wow you guys are brave.

Yep, I would think the transfer arrangements are the least of your worries on this holiday!

Is it too late to go catered?

I wouldn't go unless it was catered. 25 people? You have to take enough stuff on a ski-ing holiday without worrying about food.

In fact the whole arrangement is enough to bring me out in hives.

Soubds like they do a self-catered holiday every year so are used to it.

And maybe supermarket is very far from chalet.

I think you risk alienating your DS. Also if you are arriving after the others then the scramble for rooms will be over and he hasn't had a chance.

Personally I'd get in touch with one or two of the older kids and ask them to look out for your DS, get him the bedroom and help in any scramble for bags,

No, it's the first time they have done it without catering.

Oh sorry, you're right, missed OP's post.

If there is enough room in both vehicles for DS why is this even being discussed in advance? Can't he/you decide when you get to the vehicles?

Oh dear mumsnet so many posters are spot on with their thoughts and concerns about this trip.

I posted because I wanted a sense check about the transfer, and I'm now feeling like I am justified in saying I want DS with me be that for the mammoth shop not.

There are so many things that I'm concerned about. This chalet are no longer offering a catered option and when I found this out I wanted to find a different option for the trip as personally I see so very many potential issues with self catering for 25.

Everyone else involved is 'up for it'. My concerns are not shared which I find amazing. DH has persuaded me that we should go and I have agreed.

SIL had BIL are being the main organisers so far- they are busy menu planning and the shop will be planned and paid for in advance (even getting that right seems impossible to me).

It has been decided that the shopping should be done in a huge supermarket on on the way to resort as the only nearby ones are small and v expensive.

TBH I was attempting to just go with the flow, and make the best of a holiday to a beautiful place. If I was the main organiser I would have taken a different approach, but I'm not, so it feels right to 'go with it'.

However, I was surprised that both DH and I had been allocated as shoppers, and that ontop of that I was expected to leave DS to do the transfer with the other families.

DS would prefer to be with DH or I.

Thank you for all your posts. I'm well aware that this trip may be a recipe for disaster for many many reasons!

Whoareyou- it's being discussed now because last week SIL said she wanted to check I was ok to do the shopping with DH and let DS travel to the chalet with the others.

I cringed inside but agreed.

Then I decided that I needed to be honest and tell her I would prefer DS was with me. I should have said this from the start, I realise that now, but I'm not very good at being difficult sometimes!

I thought it best to be upfront to avoid messing with any carefully laid plans.

If I were you, I’d say that as she’s planned the menus etc, she’s best off doing the shop, so you and she will make your way to the chalet

You DONT have to just put up and shut up

Something is afoot.

Have the room allocations already been agreed? Otherwise you and ds are going to get to do the donkey work AND end up in the shittiest room.

You and dh not you and she

Everyone else will be / has been more vocal about not wanting to do it, and SIL thinks she's doing her bit with the menu planning, so you've been identified as the suckers who won't say no. That's my guess.

Tell SIL it'll need people from different families within the group. So either you and DH will do it but not both of you.

If the teenagers are 15-18, I would have thought one of them could be specifically appointed to "buddy" your son and make sure he is included in things / has someone to talk to. That could be good to grow his own independence. Perhaps that could be a plan with a clear backup that he gets to change his mind when you get there and come shopping if he isn't happy with the alternative. Good luck with the trip!

python that's a great idea re older child buddying with DS. Unfortunately on previous trips I've failed to make this type of thing work. The older kids enjoy hanging together and being teenagers, they tend to congregate in one room and forget DS.

I have in occasion asked them if he can sit with them, they've agreed but then they don't include him. DS feels mortified that I've interfered usually.....

It is a shame but I think it's not unreasonable of a bunch of teenagers not to want to interact with a 10 year old too much.

Once we get skiing it's different and they all get stuck in together.

If I were you, I’d say that as she’s planned the menus etc, she’s best off doing the shop

Oh Hissy surely it makes sense to split the jobs up amongst the adults, rather than one person, oh yes it's a woman, doing oh yes everything

I cringed inside but agreed.

Then I decided that I needed to be honest and tell her I would prefer

Glad that you got the idea, Freshstart please find a way to be clear upfront, nicely, but firmly, rather than go along with what you know you will hate. It's quite a job to plan the catering for twenty five people for a skiing holiday. It's good for people to be flexible and go along things ... but for the things that don't work for you, being upfront, nicely, is a real kindness and help for whoever is trying to plan.

How do they know otherwise? When they ask, is your chance to tell 'em. It's not a test, you can't get the answers wrong, only you know how you feel until you tell 'em. Twenty five people is practically a military exercise, imaging how much more complicated it is, if you have to go back and remake the arrangements because someone said yes then changed her mind.

It absolutely makes sense for more than one family to be involved wth the shopping, and i expect the van needs to be picked up at the airport. Thinking along the lines of how to make shopping easier, there are probably suppliers who would deliver, but that would need someone there ahead of time, well essentially a caterer.

I have been involved in some (much simpler) group catering situations and have come round to the idea that it is much, much for the best to pay someone to do it rather than relying on (some) members of the group to try and do what is a real job alongside their own holiday. The work involved always falls more heavily on one or two of the party and i challenge anyone to show a situation in which that is not a woman.

Is it too late to look for an independent caterer? Is there a desire to save costs or to enjoy the holiday?

Geek to the chalet first
Get bedroom sorted
Re-board mini bus with one member of each family.
Get shopping.
Or use that amazing invention called on line shopping and have it delivered.

If there's room in the bus that you and your DH are travelling in, then it doesn't even need to be an issue.

I don't really understand why it is for your SIL. Any sane person would be pleased that they didn't have an extra (younger) kid to watch out for.

Finally I totally agree with you on everything. I should have been upfront from the start.

Keeping costs down is the motivation. TBH I'd rather go catered but every other year. We've not catered for ourselves before and I think everyone but me is being very over optimistic about how it will work. I'm already looking like the misery of the group.

Ski bus transfers can be terrifying!! Windy, snowy mountain roads with massive drops at the side. There's no way I'd want my kids in a different bus to me, that just wouldn't be happening. YANBU

We have self catered for a group of 15 for the past two years on our ski holidays. I was initially a bit about it, but it actually worked very well and with so many people you don't feel like you are slaving in the kitchen the whole holiday.

What we did was having one family responsible for cooking the dinner each night on rotation so there weren't too many in the kitchen at one time and everyone pitched in to help clear at the end so it was done very quickly.

I cannot think of anything more stressful than going in holiday with that many people. Apart from doing it self catering