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Original poster

Sleep training. Tell me it gets easier!

66 replies

MsHopey · 29/11/2017 01:47

Stressed and sad.
First night of sleep training for baby to self soothe as he's recently started waking up every hour at night for cuddles.
On my ten minute timer now while baby cries and husband just keep giving me the look and saying it's easier if he just sleeps in bed with us and gets continuous cuddles.
I just want him to be happy but I can't keep waking up every hour and spending 15 minutes consoling him for it to start all over again.

OP posts:
BigFatGoalie · 29/11/2017 01:51

I am here in the thick of it with you!!
It took us two nights, and not long at all. Currently doing my one night feed. A lot of posters won’t agree, but it saved our sanity and DD sleeps like a dream now.
How old is your DC?

Original poster
MsHopey · 29/11/2017 01:56

18 weeks. He was a good sleeper without any intervention till a few weeks ago. Then he mega regressed and got very clingy very fast. He's at the point where he cries if I pop to the toilet, and I can handle it during the day. But not all night and then all day with barely any sleep.
It's horrible hearing him cry, but last month we started putting him in bed with us when he cried at night. Then changed to just putting him into bed with is straight away, and it affects alot of things so I just wanted him back in his own cot. But he hates it.

OP posts:
candypanda283 · 29/11/2017 03:11

Definitely gets easier. I usually kept intervals a bit shorter at that age so that I didn't feel bad. Have You got white noise on?

GoingToInfinity · 29/11/2017 03:12

It's probably not what you want to hear, but 18 weeks old is far too young to be doing any form of sleep training IMO. At this point in time you won't be teaching your LO to 'self-settle' but simply that there's no point crying as you don't respond. Their stress levels will still be incredibly high even once they seem okay because they've stopped crying.

I know it's incredibly hard and soul destroying when you are chronically suffering from sleep deprivation (speaking as someone who is up for the third time tonight with an 18 week old). It sounds like you've hit the four month sleep regression. I know it feels like it will never end, but it will pass.

Safe bed sharing may give you a little more sanity. Is there any particular reason you've stopped?

Also, do you have anyone around that can help during the day so you can catch up on some sleep?

RaeSkywalker · 29/11/2017 03:17

I’m so sorry OP, I know how hard this is- but as a PP has said, sleep training isn’t recommended for babies so young- it’s for 6 months onwards. He won’t be able to understand that you’ll come back at this age. I’d stop if I were you.

Sounds like the 4 months sleep regression to me. There’s some great information and support on here about it. It is awful though- I’m sorry.

MoreSleepPlease6 · 29/11/2017 03:24

Sad all he's going to learn is that you won't come if he needs you.

Is he still having night feeds? Is he hungry?

QueenAmongstMen · 29/11/2017 04:10

He's so young OP.

I used a Sleep Consultant for my first DS because his sleep was horrendous but he was 9 months old at the time. The Specislist said she would never do any form of sleep training on a baby who is less than 6 months old. Incidentally, as part of our CC training the longest he was left for was 8 minutes and the Consultant said no child should ever be left longer than that.

I know you're sleep deprived and tired and why you'd be drawn to sleep training but please don't at this age. - your baby just wants his mommy and at 18 weeks this is normal and he needs to know you will be there for him when he's upset or scared and not just left to cry on his own Sad

Original poster
MsHopey · 29/11/2017 05:43

Obviously I don't want him to be stressed or worried. I love him more than imaginable. Up until last night every thing has been done just the way he likes.
I don't claim to be an expert, it's just the information I read said that for sleep training to be properly implemented it's best to start between 4 and 6 months, to try it for a few nights and if the baby doesn't grasp it wait till he's a little older and give it another go.
I just don't know what to do. My husband says just let him sleep in our bed, which I was fine with, but I barely slept as i was worrying I was going to roll on him. But then that wasn't enough to console him and he constantly kept waking up. It doesn't help that my husband has some kind of permanent cold and sneezes or blows his nose constantly and it's super loud. I want my LO to be happy and to do what's best for him. But how can i get him to not hate his cot?
Also, when he wakes up and cries if it been more than 2 hours since his last feed, I'll still try him with his bottle but not let him fall asleep with it and check his nappy and anything else he could he crying for.
I did think 10 minutes was too long, but literally just read the articles and followed them. He has food when he wants, naps when he wants. I didn't even really mind him having a crutch now. I rock him and sing barney to him, works a wonder. But the second he touches the cot or bed he's awake and crying again. He has to actually sleep in your arms and it kills my shoulders and elbow and back. He's a chunky baby. I slowly try to putnhim on the bed after a bit and he'll soon wake up again.
I will accept any advice that keeps baby happy and me sane.

OP posts:
QuilliamCakespeare · 29/11/2017 06:11

Sleeping is developmental, it doesn’t need to be ‘trained’. Eventually, when they’re ready, they can do it. They are tiny babies and they need us. I say this as a totally knackered Mum of two boys, the first of which didn’t sleep through until he was 14 months old. He just started doing it spontaneously one day.

speakout · 29/11/2017 06:19

Sleep training at 18 weeks?????

Downright cruel.

CoteDAzur · 29/11/2017 06:19

OP - Yes, It gets much easier. First night is the worst. DD slept through on the 3rd night and ever since.

There is no magic 6 month point before which you can’t sleep train. Earlier is easier, actually. DD was 4 months old when her pediatrician recommended it.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 29/11/2017 07:01

18 weeks is too young for controlled crying, your baby is going through the 4 month sleep regression - it only lasts a few weeks max, you just need to power through. You can help create positive sleep associations for him but cry it out is not suitable till a minimum of 6 months due to the high levels of cortisol produced by it.

CoteDAzur · 29/11/2017 07:09

Controlled crying is not crying it out.

If there are any studies that show the stress of intermittent crying for 2-3 nights is detrimental to the health and development of a baby in a loving home, I’d love to see them.

Mummytogg · 29/11/2017 07:12

I agree 18 weeks is too young.
Do you have room to put a mattress on the floor against a wall? You can cuddle to sleep/feed laying down and then roll away

P1nkSparkles · 29/11/2017 07:15

Sorry - but I also agree 18 weeks is too young. It sounds like it's the four month sleep regression & it's tough... but it does end and it's a developmental thing.

MiniCooperLover · 29/11/2017 07:16

Sorry OP but he’s too young. His sleep has become worse because at 4 months there’s a sleep regression, you can’t train him out of that, you’ve just got to get through it. Is he feeding enough, waking hungry? I’m a fan of controlled crying, did it with our son at 8 months and he sleeps brilliantly but 18 weeks is too little.

rollingonariver · 29/11/2017 07:22

I stressed about it being too late to sleep train my baby too but we did it at 7 1/2 months and it was fine! My DD was the same, constantly waking in the night (but for feeds). We tried controlled crying but it didn't work for us as she would get hysterical when we left the room to run the bath because she knew it was bedtime and we were going to leave her Sad we tried a different method and she has slept through since then, she's now 13 months.

rollingonariver · 29/11/2017 07:22

I can write a post on what worked for us but I don't want to make you feel more guilty, let me know Smile

TittyGolightly · 29/11/2017 07:36

If there are any studies that show the stress of intermittent crying for 2-3 nights is detrimental to the health and development of a baby in a loving home, I’d love to see them.

I doubt that study would clear an ethics committee (which should tell you something).

Desmondo2016 · 29/11/2017 07:48

I'm normally pro sleep training but I do think 18 weeks is too young. I'd go with hubbies suggestion for a few weeks then try again

Original poster
MsHopey · 29/11/2017 07:49

We live in a bedsit. In the main room we have a sofa, a mattress that we sleep on at night but put against the wall during the day, his cot, a chest of drawers for all his clothes. His high chair, his pushchair. I'm doing the controlled crying thing. Check on him every few minutes, rock him a little and talk to him in a soothing voice. Obviously I don't go very far, I am 5 foot away at most, I just sit out of sight, because there's no where else for me to go. Because of this I can't just roll away from him in the mattress because that is effectively mine and my OH bed as well. And because we all live on one room and my OH gets up for work at 4am we all settle down at 6 every night. I'm up at 4am every morning with OH and baby and don't get back to Sleep, hence the early night for all of us.
Mostly people have said he's too young. But I still have no idea how to get him to just be happy in his cot Sad

OP posts:
UnaOfStormhold · 29/11/2017 08:00

You can do lots of things to make the cot a pleasant place to be - playing with him there in the day, at bedtime putting on quiet music or nature sounds and a night light show (best with red lights only). Leaving him in the cot to cry is likely to make him hate the cot even more.

Allthetuppences · 29/11/2017 08:04

It doesn't teach them to sleep. Nust to not complain that you're not there.

snackarella · 29/11/2017 08:06

Sorry but mine is 2 in Feb and I am in exactly the same situation. It has never been easy she has slept through twice in her whole life it's horrendous and I'm pregnant with Dc2 due in 5 weeks!!! X

Cantgetagoodusername · 29/11/2017 08:19

My 9 month old DS was an awful sleeper (health issues & then habit) it was like torture. The 1-2 hourly wakings then taking half an hour to get him back to sleep until it starts all over again Confused

I do too agree sleep is developmental, they will do it when they're ready. At 8 months with my DS I decided to stop feeding to sleep & alter our routine (feed/bath/rock in arms until drowsy) put in cot. The first night he cried for 2 minutes then was asleep, even on a regression he hasn't cried for more than 10 minutes (me going in to soothe 2 & 4 minutes. I was surprised how quickly he went to sleep but I believe that was because he ready to do that.

18 weeks is too young to be doing sleep training. I know how hard it is but do whatever you can to make it easier now, co sleep, nap when baby naps (not always a possibility I know!) early nights. It will get easier. My DS naturally started started sleeping a bit longer when on solids- he just needed a bit of guidance for the rest of it!

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