Sleep training. Tell me it gets easier!

[MsHopey]

Stressed and sad.
First night of sleep training for baby to self soothe as he's recently started waking up every hour at night for cuddles.
On my ten minute timer now while baby cries and husband just keep giving me the look and saying it's easier if he just sleeps in bed with us and gets continuous cuddles.
I just want him to be happy but I can't keep waking up every hour and spending 15 minutes consoling him for it to start all over again.

But I still have no idea how to get him to just be zhappy in his cot

He may not be. IMO most “sleep problems” are due to unrealistic parental expectations.

Your baby is completely normal. You are trying to teach him to be something he isn’t by ignoring him. It wouldn’t work with a partner, so why inflict that on a baby that has no motivation other than it’s biological impulses.

Read up on safe bedsharing and see if that helps.

Like I said, my husband sneezes and blows his nose every 10 minutes through the night and it startles baby awake because he's right next to him. I read everything on safe sleeping before I let him sleep in bed with us because I always want him to be safe.
But as he gets older noises are waking him up more and more, it's one of the reasons I'm trying to get him into his cot.

Where is the cot that he wouldn’t hear your husband?

I'd bring him back in with you. He's still very little and there's plenty of time for him to go into his cot when he's bigger.

Do you use any white noise, OP? It worked wonders helping my now 2 and a half year old sleep when he was a baby. There's loads of apps you can download or even find some on YouTube. Does baby take a dummy?

Mine was a terrible sleeper too, he never would use a dummy for soothing. It got to a point where I was up every half hour, no sooner dozing off before he was crying again. We did the pick up put down method. It was exhausting but I wanted to do something where he knew I would still come back. The first night I picked him up well over 50 times. Round about the same the second night which very nearly put me off. But then the third night I picked him up about half that amount. Then only about ten times the fourth night. By the end of the week he was waking up twice for a feed but sleeping soundly the rest of the night. He was just over 6 months when I did this.

Trust me I understand it gets to a point where you'll do anything for some sleep, but if baby is in a sleep regression you may find it won't help. If you can, give it another month or so and try again. In the meantime try playing in the cot during the day, we used to do tummy time in the cot. Also if you can, whenever baby sleeps during the day, you sleep too! Everything else can wait.

He doesn't have a dummy and never has. We're in one corner of the room and he's in the opposite corner because he can't be by the radiator or window. Sneezing right next to him compared to the opposite side of the room make a a big difference. You've never known anyone sneeze and blow their nose as loud as my husband.
Pick up ad put down method does sound like a good compromise. I want him to know I'm there for him, which is why I've been consoling him on a timer but not getting him out his cot.
Don't want to sugar coat it but also lost alot of intimacy with the OH since the LO started sharing a bed with us.

You have a sleeper or don’t. If it doesn’t work in first few nights they aren’t ready to sleep through, try again in few weeks/months. We tried everything finally slept through on own at 4. Stick a mattress or bed in the Babies room or co sleep. 18 weeks is far too young to self sooth

Goodness me, he is far too young.Having a baby means broken sleep and four months is a massive developmental leap time.

Your baby needs cuddles, pop him in with you and give him what he needs, you have to suck up being tired and losing a bit of intimacy for a while. It is what happens when you have a baby!

Your husband needs to sort out the sneezing. Has he considered allergic rhinitis? Is it the environment - in which case:
You're in a bedsit; are you on a housing list? Any prospects of moving to a home with bedroom/s? Is the bedsit damp?

18 weeks really is too young, imo. Have you tried feeding him to his cues rather than to the clock?

Oh dear, just a block of questions from me, not very helpful sorry.

I don't mind broken sleep. It's the nearly no sleep that's the problem. I'll leave it for now and just try and do My best with the current arrangement and hoping his sleep regression doesn't last too long.

Yes how is he feeding? Two of mine still had a bottle in the night at that age.

You mentioned at highchair, have you started weaning? Could he have a sore tummy from that as he is quite young to be eating solids.

Hey, I've always fed him when he's hungry, never followed the clock.
We can't even join the housing list till next Christmas. We have to stay here 2 years and only signed the lease a week before we found out I was pregnant. Quite a shock. And there is mould, we told the council, they checked it and said they'd have to take all the plaster off to the bricks and redo it all, but there's a massive council waiting list and we have to just wait and see when they've got the time.

Haven't started weening yet. He's 100% bottle fed. I just buy bargains when they are available and I am prepared for when he's ready to be fed. I do still feed him 2 bottles a night, I still fed him those last night.

Gosh it must be so difficult for you having to manage in a small space

Both of mine had terrible sleep from 4-6 months and we then did sleep training at 6 months. My elder son found it harder to adapt to - he wasn't as ready as my younger who took to it instantly.

From 4-6 months I co-slept with them but we had another bedroom my husband could sleep in (or me). It will get better soon - I think this is the hardest time you are in at the moment for sleep.

I'm pretty hard core about training the kids and getting on with it but I do think 18 weeks is a teensy but early to be honest. Their comprehension isn't there. I usually do a big move into their own room at 7 months which has worked unexpectedly well for 3 very different and badly sleeping babies.

It sounds like your DH needs to move out to another room for a little while.

Just another note, it's winter. Babies are often a bit unwell and I find that they are more miserable st night at this age. I once nearly lost my mind with my 4 month old not sleeping at all 3 nights in a row. I was so fed up I left her to cry (beside me but I turned my back and tried to sleep) and she eventually stopped. Next morning she had a burst eardrum. So now I'm a bit more conscious that they might actually have a reason to be crying, especially in wonder season.

I'd get your DH to move out to another room for a bit and then plan to try again with her own room at 6-7 months.

18 weeks is too young. We did controlled crying at 9 months and it worked amazingly in 3 nights

We don't have another room :(

Talk to your HV about the mould - she might be able to pull strings to get it sorted faster as there's a baby?

I'm so sorry, it all sounds so stressful. And I never said congratulations on the birth of your dear baby. Give him a cuddle from his Mumsnet aunties.

OP that sound stressful. I have an awful sleeper (still wakes hourly most nights at nearly 2) and until he was 16 months we were in a one bed flat which was hard enough, never mind a bedsit. The only place I used to be able to sit and feed him in the night was in our hallway, it was cold and uncomfortable, and when he started waking hourly then feeding for hours at a time I felt at my wit's end. I can't comment on sleep training as haven't tried it, but I'd agree with pp that 4 months probably isn't the easiest time to do it since your baby is going through a regression which will permanently change his sleep. It's a biggie! I think your best bet is to try and get through it and try training once the regression has passed, if that's what you want to do. I know it's easy to say 'just co-sleep' but I really struggled with that as even in a king sized bed, there wasn't enough room for all 3 of us and I have really painful hips which became excrutiating when trying to squeeze in the small space left once DS had spread out! Not to mention a damp, freezing bedroom and snoring DH. So you have my sympathies absolutely. I do co-sleep now but that's because I bf so it means I actually get some sleep - not necessarily a helpful suggestion if you're bottle feeding as it's more disruptive. I think someone up-thread asked if you can get any support in the day so you can catch up on a bit of sleep then instead? Your nights sound so hard, especially with that early start - but it doesn't sound like there's an easy way to make them better for now. I hope things get better soon.

Just another suggestion - could you get a single mattress/blow-up bed for your DH to sleep on on one side of the room, while you and the baby take the big mattress? That way you can easily cuddle back to sleep / feed the baby, but your DH's sneezing etc won't be such a big deal. I slept on the sofa with my DS for several months when we were in our 1 bed flat, it was the easiest way for us all to get at least a bit of sleep! Felt a bit rubbish being apart from DH for so long but definitely the best of two evils.

Your poor baby 😮 give them a cuddle. CIO is neglect, sorry to be blunt.

Oh OP, the four month sleep regression is a killer. I don't actually know how I made it through it, but I did and you will to.

Is there a reason you won't let your baby fall asleep whilst feeding?

Also, sorry, but I just wanted to make sure you're aware that co-sleeping really isn't recommended if you're bottle feeding. And get your husband on the antihistamines.

I just read that they use it as a crutch, like having a dummy. Which means throwing away a lot of milk as i make one, he has half an oz to fall asleep and then the rest goes in the bin. The guides say, though I know it not set in stone or right for everyone, but just to take the bottle out his mouth as his eyes start drifting. Which is what I've been doing.

Honestly at this stage I'd just let him feed to sleep if that's what gets you through. My daughter stopped feeding to sleep during the day without any intervention from me, it just happened naturally so I wouldn't get hung up on trying to prevent it. Can you just make smaller bottles if you know he won't take much?

Have you tried white noise to drown out any noise that you and your DH are making? We love the Sound Sleeper app and we paid about £4 I think to buy the non stop white noise. Put it by DS (either cot or your side of the bed if you choose to cosleep) and it should drown out the sneezing/coughing. My 8 month old has it on all night in his room - it was the only way he would move out of our room although he's still a rubbish sleeper