To wish people would stop doing this on Aibu?

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

Ah, my favourite type of thread.

OP: Aibu?
Everyone: Yes.
OP: No I'm not!

Just... Why? It adds nothing. It proves nothing. Everyone says it as though they are the first person to think of it, even when five others have already said it on the same thread.

Increasingly, it's not even ones where the OP is being unreasonable. It's threads where the OP is getting a total, unjustified kicking, and some tit decides to post the above to undermine any further attempts to defend themselves. FFS, if you can't be nice, at least be original

This irritates me too, and it frequently ignores the fact that most AIBU threads have at least some agreement with the OP.

Also, it is in fact ok to ask for opinions but ultimately decide that you still believe you are right.

That exactly. And a bunch of strangers screaming abuse at you online isn't exactly a persuasive argument to the contrary, anyway.

Well, presumably everyone must have missed the memo stipulating that the first person to air their opinion was by default spokesperson of everyone else.

If you don't wish to hear many opinions which may well be different to your own, then don't post inviting them.

Oh yes, I hate that. It sounds so smug, and you're right - it does seem to be used most on threads where half the posters haven't even bothered to read the OP properly.

I also agree with Lemon.

Surely there is a difference between:

Situation 1
OP - AIBU?
90% of posters - yeah you are because
OP - how come? I was thinking...
Everyone - true and if you did... thrn... but even still you are being unreasonable
OP (to someone who agrees) - You think the same as me. Do you see where I'm coming from?

(Lots of interesting even heatrd discussion)
OP - Thanks everyone. I know I'm probably being a bit unreasonable but I'm going to do X and try and see what happens

Situation 2:
OP- AIBU?
Most posters - yes
OP - NO IM NOT. I KNEW IF I CAME ON HERE IT WOULD BE FULL OF NASTY BITCHES
Posters - umm you asked if you were being unreasonable. We answered. It's not our problem if you don't like it
OP- Well i'm NBU at all and maybe you shoulr realise... (massive drip feed which nay or may not be relevant)
Posters - That's crucial info / not relevant
OP - so i have to justify myself now do i? Why should i answer to you when you don't know anything about ke or the situation?
Posters - you don't obviously... but you dod ask for advice
OP- I can't deal with this. It's all too outing. I might get it pulled because this thread is causing me anxiety
New poster - OMG OP I can't believe what a kicking ypu've had. YANBU at all! Some people are just horrible.
OP - thanks new poster. It's nice that there's some people on here who are supportive and actually care enough to reply

YANBU especially where posters don’t seem to be reply to what’s actually been written. I don’t think it did used to happen quite so much.

This:
OP: AIBU
everyone else: YABU
OP: no I’m not

did used to happen a lot, but it feels like it’s changed.

Yes I hate that kind of smug post as well. And on the one this evening about the funeral and wake, it actually wasn't true, as there were a lot of supportive posts to the OP.

Human nature ain't it? They're seeking validation, not a pasting

They're seeking validation, not a pasting
Don't ask if YABU if you aren't actually interested in hearing other views.
Post on another topic and be honest about what you're after.

I'm not ok-ing nastyness but it's a giant waste of everyone's time replying to an OP who gets very defensive and argumentative and has zero intention if actually listening or considering the advice people are giving.

I'm intrigued by the posters who, despite 99% of others saying YABU, will defend the OP regardless, looking for any possible reason why they are NBU. I call them the Excusers.

To explain any sort of behaviour they will suggest, perhaps the person has mental health problems, or undiagnosed ASD/ADHD/Dyslexia/ OCDor a hidden disability. Anything to support the OP despite all evidence to the contrary. Their posts don't usually start appearing until near the end of the thread's life. Of course, the OP then clutches onto these 2 or 3 posts as if they were drowning, now feeling fully justified in ignoring the other 99.5% of posts saying YABU.

It's really fascinating and I wonder if anyone else has noticed this?

Because they're here for validation not genuine aibu

It’s really I’m not being unreasonable am I?

I agree, I was recently accused of this on a thread that actually went:

OP: Aibu about x?
Several posters: Yes y is totally unreasonable.
OP: oh sorry, I must have written that badly I meant x, not y.
One poster: why even ask AIBU if you are going to argue....

It's really fascinating and I wonder if anyone else has noticed this?
Not just you.

I used to try and still ve reasonable but now just bow out when it gets to that point.

It drives me mad how SEN needs/ASD/mental health conditions etc get thrown around everywhere like some get out of jail free card with no relevance to the thread. But then I also don't like how MIL and stbxh are always narcs.

Whole load of armchair diagnosing going on.

I think it’s worse when posters start a new thread just to moan about a specific thing that other posters sometimes do

Y tho

maisypops you nailed it

Silvery tbf, I probably am one of those who ‘excusers’
Not because I am looking for excuses (the ADHD, AS etc... possibilities) but because I am finding myself in opposition with most people on those AIBU threads. On a very regular basis.

Which for me says that whilst the majority of people might well think that the Op is BU or NBU, it does t mean that everyone in RL will.
There are plenty of different POV in RL that MN often doesn’t reflect.

It's really fascinating and I wonder if anyone else has noticed this?

Yes I have. There is always at least one on every thread. It’s the one thing that usually throws me.

Op. I like to smear my babies dirty nappies on my neighbours Windows. Aibu.
Everyone. Ffs yes.thats disgusting,
One poster, no op, you’re not being unreasonable I totally get you. Simper simper. Just ignore these nasty bitches having a go. They should all be ashamed of themselves. Can’t believe they think it’s disgusting.

YABU. It's OK to disagree. We're not sheep after all.

Realised I didn't phrase my OP at all coherently

I was talking about the people who come on a thread (often when the OP is getting a pasting and getting quite frustrated/upset at people who are wilfully misunderstanding her) and post a 'witty' summary of the thread.

Seems I've inadvertently started my own thread in which I appear to be doing exactly that, which wasn't my intention!

Maisy pops did sum it up very well though I must say.

I have just posted this . OP was clearly determined she was right and when given reasoned arguments and suggestions by most other posters (in a perfectly pleasant way), started throwing in a load of other strange justifications for her action which needless to say had not been mentioned in the OP. So certainly not “getting an unjustified kicking” as you describe.
I use it (as one of the stock phrases used by 90% of Mumsnetters) when I have been driven to distraction by an OP who clearly wants validation rather than discussion.

So just to make myself even more annoying, sorrynotsorry

Yes I hate that. I've had it on threads that it's been 50 / 50. But most of the yanbu say their message once and leave, then the same old bores keep going on and on yabu.

Loads of posts on here are boring or repetitive. Do people think they're having an original thought or maybe they think that we all would have missed it the last 200 times so they'll try to pass it off as their own.

Seriously though I think we are all capable of asking for advice in real life but not taking it and then after not having taken it we go over the same thing again and get the same advice and yet don't take it.