To wish people would stop doing this on Aibu?

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

Ah, my favourite type of thread.

OP: Aibu?
Everyone: Yes.
OP: No I'm not!

Just... Why? It adds nothing. It proves nothing. Everyone says it as though they are the first person to think of it, even when five others have already said it on the same thread.

Increasingly, it's not even ones where the OP is being unreasonable. It's threads where the OP is getting a total, unjustified kicking, and some tit decides to post the above to undermine any further attempts to defend themselves. FFS, if you can't be nice, at least be original

The best one I find is
OP: AIBU?
Posters: Yes you are!!
OP: Yes your right. I am BU
Posters: Not good enough. We still need to tell you how U you are for another 10 pages!

maybe we should add a 'validation only' section ... (or is that the other place?)

I put a threAd up the other day but then the more people said I was BU I kept coming back to defend myself and by the end of it I decided I wasn't unreasonable at all. I just post here cause didn't know where else to post it on Mumnet cause don't use it very often

Big me up (even if I'm a wanker)

Maybe.

I think people are more likely to post if they're in agreement with the majority - eg if the first 5 or so replies are YABU, they tend to be followed by another 100 near-identical post saying the same thing. As if people are a bit shy of coming out and saying 'Actually, YANBU...' when it's going against the flow.

And the lengths some posters will go to, twisting the original post just so they can say YABU is ridiculous. The funeral wake one is a case in point.

Marriedwithchildren5 They're the worst aren't they? Not enough for an OP to admit they are unreasonable and thank posters for the advice, oh no, the OP has to tar and feather themselves whilst prostrating in front of the SmuggyMcSmugs who will be patting themselves on the back because they were right about something on an internet forum.

Whenever I've seen the post the OP of this thread is talking about on a thread it is never as clear cut as they are implying, it's just used as a weapon to shut down the thread.

And the lengths some posters will go to, twisting the original post just so they can say YABU is ridiculous. The funeral wake one is a case in point.

This is one thing I've definitely noticed in AIBU, a lot of posters absolutely love saying YABU.

I want to add that the drip feeding is infuriating and as AuntieUrsula said, the content of the original OP is twisted so much it becomes virtually unrecognisable as the OP makes a futile attempt to change the story sufficiently for posters to say she is NBU.

I also hate it when the OP doesn't like the replies and she announces she is leaving the thread. Effectively she flounces off and then more often than not, some short while later, you just know they have gone whining to MNHQ who close the thread saying it contained too much real life info, when in fact it contained none and they are just pampering to the whining.

Trouble is though some people just aren’t adult enough to accept they are in the wrong, same as in real life really.

Some people aren’t really looking for people to tell them they are in the wrong they want validation what they did was ok and when they don’t get it they don’t like it

It's all just opinion anyway so the OP is fine to disagree.
There is so much projection that most advice is biased depending on the posters own experience.
Lots of posters pile in and follow each other and the OP gets accused of saying things that PP may have said
Therefore imo yabu

Silvery tbf, I probably am one of those who ‘excusers’
Not because I am looking for excuses (the ADHD, AS etc... possibilities) but because I am finding myself in opposition with most people on those AIBU threads. On a very regular basis.
I probably fall into that category too sometimes because I think it's always worth trying to see it from both sides. And sometimes I will suggest possible ASD because I'm autistic and I'll think 'well actually I could see myself being in that scenario' - there are plenty of people with undiagnosed ASD and if raising it as a possibility means that one poster stops and thinks (and doesn't throw away their relationship needlessly) then I'll take the abuse I've received. I'm not going to join the herd if I think there's a reasonable alternative worth mentioning.

YABU

Where OP is already getting a real pasting, the angries joining in to say similar thing and vying to be more nasty than predecessor, are just tedious. I imagine they wouldn't dare speak as they do, in real life. Saw 1 post earlier where 1 person on thread in particular just wouldn't stop verbally attacking the OP. Wouldn't give it a rest. Which is odd, as well as nasty. Beginning to wonder are they Daily Mail 'plants' planks shit stirring for headlines fodder. Or maybe they're the type that loves to kick someone when they're down. I do sometimes hope an OP isn't crying behind screen tho.

I think if you have family, weight or mental health issues then the AIBU bearpit isn't best place to post about it, for sake of your own peace of mind.

Although I hope people aren't dissing the OP of the funeral wake post actually. Not everyone thought she was wrong. I didn't. But the OP's long gone, thread's gone now, so...if still going on about it then how weird is that, still bring unable to just leave it alone ...😕

Mistress No-one here is dissing the OP of the funeral wake thread they are just using that particular thread as an example of the current attitude and behaviour on AIBU.

An awful lot of people post here in order to get their views validated. I also suspect that most AIBUs are fairly biased when setting out their stall in the OP to ensure they get the desired result. Still, it's enjoyable to read the subsequent shitfights

It annoys me a bit when there are loads of YABU responses that are perfectly civil and gentle enough and someone calls it a kicking.

Yes, 100 people telling you the same thing can feel like an attack, but as long as they do it politely, they are just showing the volume of opposition.

Yes, Mistress, I know which poster you mean. It was as though she was pursuing a vendetta against the OP, inventing things that were just relevant to the thread at all. It was as though she had a RL grudge against her.

In a lot of cases it's not truly a question of AIBU? More , I Know I'm not being U but desperately seeking Validation :) Maybe we should have a separate category for that. AIBU?

Okay, my turn.

My favorite AIBU scenario is this one:

OP: I have this problem and have tried x, y, z and no result. AIBU to be annoyed about this?
POSTERS: Don't complain! You should have tried x, y, z
OP: Let me clarify. I have tried x, y, z
SOME POSTERS: Sorry, my bad
OTHER POSTERS: Well, you should have tried, x, y, z and a. You are being so selfish.

Posters split up into two or three teams and continue to argue in circles for the rest of the thread.

"My DH popped out for a pint a milk four days ago and has been in the pub ever since and has spent all our savings and sold our daughter to an Albanian trafficking gang. AIBU to be a bit annoyed?"

The worst thing about the funeral wake one was this:

OP - AIBU to think xxxx is out of order?
Lots of people: You're a heartless bitch and an axe murderer.
OP: Hang on a minute...?
Posters: Why are you such a heartless bitch, how could you do it?
OP: Well, this is what actually happened...
Posters: Bitch bitch, explain yourself.
OP: Hang on that's not fair.
POsters: Oh this is one of THOSE threads (see OP of this thread). Axe murderer bitch bitch etc etc.
OP: But but, that's not fair, I only..
Posters: I can't believe you keep coming back to this thread OMG you are the devil incarnate. Bitch bitch. Explain yourself.

It was a very silly thread.

Sorry I mean, threads like the funeral one, not just that one particular thread.

I also don't like how MIL and stbxh are always narcs

I don't like how often people on AIBU complain that NPD and emotional abuse are overdiagnosed. NPD is estimated to affect 1 percent of the population - that's a lot of insufferable MILs and ex partners. The sort of emotional abuse you experience from narcissists tends to be quite hard to explain to outsiders and it takes a lot of time and self-doubt before most victims put two and two together. AIBU is exactly the sort of thing that victims would use, as you're going out of your mind trying to understand whether the abuser is doing the stuff on purpose, and you want some perspective, and what happens is that half the posters will go "hmm, why would my non-abusive partner/MIL do that? Probably trying to be nice" and post accordingly and the other half post "oh yet another narc MIL " and the other other half (yes, my arithmetic has gone a bit awry ) goes "there's always two sides to every story", which is all incredibly gaslighting and undermining
for someone trying to understand the abuse that is happening to them. I know in theory that they could be crazy attention seekers looking for a bit of sympathy for nothing but I doubt it, really - there are much more sympathetic forums than this, so I think most people on here are looking for an unbiased view. In fact the fact that they come to AIBU and expose themselves to a total kicking I think speaks to the fact that their instincts for self preservation and self esteem are blunted in the manner of someone who's been long term abused.