to love my small city flat and not EVER want the suburbs, even with expanding family?

[Wintergirl7]

It's me, DH and 5 month old DD
Background - We bought a brand new, well finished flat in city (not London) 4 yrs ago. We were very lucky in that someone cancelled buying it, and it has good rental/resale potential (already up £20k in value). My parents helped but now we've bought them out. Great location for walking - 2 mins from play park and small shop, large private ground floor terrace (3-4 car spaces size) 5-10 mins from nursery, church, our preferred state primary school and big beautiful park. Also allocated parking!
However, as with most new builds storage isn't brilliant. We have a an open kitchen/diner/living room space, 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms (one ensuite). Our bedroom has a walk in wardrobe, bedside tables and travel cot and we can just move around and no more. Other room, DD's nursery has a large storage unit and is about 4.5 by 3.5 m ish of floor space once you take account of that.

Here's the thing - I can't stand the suburbs. the idea of moving to one makes me claustrophobic. I grew up in a really nice one, and have experience of another two, but I find them so barren and isolating (a few hairdressers, coffee shop and corner shop?) compared to having theatres, parks, pubs so close. And the ones I like are unaffordable.
I love the variety of people, tourist and students in city etc not just families. I drive but I don't like to, DH drives, I like walking.

I love DD to bits and I'm a bit broody for no.2, but I'd be devastated to move from our neighbourhood. There may be 3 bedrooms close by, but we'll have to move towards the rougher bit of the city to afford them, which may cause primary school issues and I suspect they'll be snapped up.

WIBU to live in small-ish flat by choice, and live as clutter free as possible? Would it be fair to DD? Not until DD is a teenager or anything, but at least until sometime in late primary. DH is open to it, but willing to play it by ear. My friend has her two girls in bunk beds. We're considering a storage unit. People seem to assuming we'll be moving and look at me like I'm nuts.....

PS We are interested in trying to save (starting early!) to send DD to private secondary (3 excellent ones in area) but know it will cost an arm and leg, any threads/websites you can recommend please point them my way...

We have a 3yo and a 6yo in a two bed flat. We have one under stair cupboard and thankfully room for a shed in the courtyard.

We will.move eventually (son and daughter so will likely want own space within a few years) but being such a short walk to the city and on great transport links I am loathe to.

One thing we did was put the two dcs and all their toys in the biggest bedroom and we are in the small double room

We love the city - no sneery reasons, just that I dislike driving and want to walk everywhere. Plus I do not want to have to be a taxi for my dc when they become teenagers

Pay off for us is much less space and keeping a very tight rein on belongings / decluttering often. And the dc can't hVe a rabbit or guinea pig as we have a shared garden. But that's ok for me 🙂

Entirely up to you.

Bike storage was our tipping point for moving out but our 3bed house is only 20min walk from our old area so not nearly as convenient but worth it for us.

I live in the suburbs of a small town and have 7 coffee shops (8 if you include the supermarket) and 8 hairdressers within a 15 minute walk!! But, gosh, just live where you want. I use to live in a suburb of a major city and loved it. Definitely have moments when I wished I lived there now I have dcs.

I wouldn't pay for secondary education. I'd put the money into moving into the best possible area and send the kids to the local school. Your house/flat will always be attractive to buyers and hold its value and you don't have the worry of meeting those school bills. If you think about it, you could end up spending £20 - 30K per year on school fees - if you send them for seven years that's roughly another £200K that could've been invested in your home.

YANBU. Just have the kids share a room for a long time. It'll be fine.

Yawn, another "gosh I could never live in the soulless suburbs like you plebs, I need a theatre and hipster coffee shop within spitting distance or I'll simply die!" poster.

Live where you like, no-one actually cares.

@HolyCreamola ha ha I have nightmares about the suburb police.
Btw not being sneery about people who live in the suburbs, its actually more the amenties or lack of, although I suspect I'm projecting my childhood experience a bit - my parents put down lot of money to move into a good suburb with a "very good" state school, only for the school to slide badly downhill with bad leadership, demoralised teachers, bad discipline while I was there (can't take any credit! ) and it really demoralised me too. It was a purgatory, no clubs, academic prizes etc. Friends didn't live close and public transport was a trek. I know that can happen anywhere btw! I suppose thats' why I'm worrying I'm projecting my own experience too much
@NatMatCat there are some really nice Victorian suburbs within 10-15mins but they cost a bomb, and I've heard the maintenance/heating bills can be a nightmare. We are right on the border between a fashionable studenty good area and a deprived area, which is slowly being gentrified.....
I would move if necessary for DD's sake.
I remembered seeing this article...
www.theguardian.com/society/2017/oct/06/inner-city-living-makes-for-healthier-happier-people-study-finds

Your place hasn’t gone up in value until/unless you sell it.

I felt the same way you do but gave in to DH and moved to commuterbelt. Pros and cons: more space is nice but there are bigger benefits, eg less pollution and better childcare. Travel time to work is biggest con.

Storage is costly.

You would have to truly embrace minimalism and be willing to offend family giving the DC tat and say no to the DCs’ requests for stuff, a lot.

Private school for two DC is very, very costly.

Just wait and see how things go.
We're in a lovely modern apartment with an almost 2 year old, I'm also 37 weeks pregnant. It's my husband's dream property and he loves it here. We're moving to a 3 bed semi in a couple of weeks and I can't bloody wait. Just being able to open the patio doors and let the 2 year old kick a ball around the garden and let off a bit of steam will be a huge relief rather than having to go out all day. Flats are fine, preferable almost, with a baby. Less so with a toddler.
We're keeping the apartment and renting out, maybe we'll move back in 20 years or so!

*OK the "no clubs, no academic prizes" wasn't meant to sound snobby. I just meant there was no social cohesion and nothing to inspire....

Live where you want to. But perhaps c0nsider what your dc might prefer as they get older. Who knows what that might be. There are loads of great suburbs though. Maybe put money towards moving to one of them instead of private school?

Live where you want to but open plan would be my idea of a nightmare with one young child let alone 2.
At the moment your child stays where you put them and you might want to rethink when they are independently mobile.
Plus you haven’t done a winter stuck in a small flat with a young child yet.
No need to make a forever choice now. You could change you mind or you may not.

@Oysterbabe sounds lovely! Hope you enjoy the new place
Good spread of opinions....glad to know it can be done.
And I'm the least hipster person ever more dull librarian.....not been tempted by the avocado toast and typewriter in the park yet
@Dozer interesting perspective! Only considering private school, nothing decided yet.

I think your lifestyle sounds fab - it's great to live so near so many amenities, and a bonus of living in a smaller space is that you don't accumulate loads of clutter .

I live in a small town, transport is a nightmare - no train station, hardly any bus routes ............ very 'insular' in terms of cultural attitudes.

Yes, nice scenery to look but few people to meet with different ideas/backgrounds/things to talk about.

Enjoy what you have. .

YANBU, nothing wrong with living where you are happy, why shouldn't you?

Kids don't need that much space, it's parents who do! I prefer that my kids have a bedroom each, but many people share and are not traumatised by it.

I moved from city centre, but mainly for the schools. We ended up in a decent size house, but in the catchment of excellent state schools. I wasn't that impressed at all about our local ones before. It probably didn't help that there was 2 excellent private school taking the best pupils of the area!

It's fantastic to be at (nearly) walking distance to everything in the city. I have to say that being able to open the door to let the kids out in the garden has its benefits too! It makes our life easier too to be able to make as much noise as we want, and not to have to tiptoes because of neighbours. Having 2 little ones in a flat was harder work than it is in a house.

Positives and negatives on both sides, do what work best for you!

I forgot to add: having a house does not mean you must have clutter either! Yes, it's much easier to clean and tidy when you have space, but not all house owner live in a tip or even in mess!

You also have a lot more parks and open spaces out of the city, so more sport opportunities for the kids.

As I couldn't afford the 2 million +++ needed to buy a decent house in London, I am more than happy where I am!

winter which city do you live in?

IF you only have a baby you really have no idea how cramped your flat may seem with two dcs in it. We managed four years with two in a two bed, before running screaming for the “less posh” area. Your childhood memories of lack of amenities won’t be what it’s like now - everywhere has changed.

....it’s probably the garden that is the biggest draw though.

YANBU. A two double bedroom flat is fine for 2 adults and 2 young children. Its normal to want more space but as long as you manage what you buy, your kids will be perfectly happy in that set-up. My cousins lived like that for 5 years while their parents were saving up for a 3 bed house and honestly, when I'd visit them we had so much fun I didn't even notice and I lived in a 4 bed house as an only child. Space matters much more to adults than to kids.

I love living near the town centre. Especially now that my DC are getting older (one in Y7 and one in Y9). I grew up in a village, and I'd be incredibly reluctant to go back to rural living. I love being able to walk everywhere (town centre - 10 min, train station - 15 min, supermarket - 15 min). The kids can walk to school. It's brilliant.

How far out are the suburbs? We live in a small English city (don't wish to say where) - we're now just over a mile from the centre, so in the suburbs, but only just. Incidentally, the best primaries are right in the centre - we got into one despite being just outside the catchment. We have a garage, parking (the car wouldn't fit in the garage) and a small garden. Not having to keep the bikes in the living room has made life with a child easier... If the suburbs are actually pretty close, then you can have the best of both worlds.

All the suburbs I know have train stations, bus services, coffee shops, cinemas, restaurants, clubs etc. So unless you want The Science Museum or the Halle Orchestra I think suburbs pretty much have it covered. Some of course have a much nicer ambience than others which you will pay for.

We lived in our flat until our eldest was 2.

We moved to a house in the suburbs on a boring new estate in a naice village.
I could fling open the patio doors and let the toddlers potter around the garden.

When they were in primary school they could run around our cul de sac with the neighbours and as the got older they could run and cycle round the whole estate.

In Y6 they could walk to school with friends, kick a ball in the park and go out and explore the village and surrounding countryside without an adult breathing down their neck.

Personally I think kids need a bit of space. Not in terms of having their own bedroom or anything, but just getting to play without adult supervision.

Our nice village is right on the trainline too; we are in Manchester in 50 minutes if we need a bit of excitement.