To attend church when not religious?

[SmellyXmasCheese]

I have a young DD who has no grandparents as they’ve all passed away, and no uncles/aunts/cousins. I recently attended a one-off event in a nearby church and everyone there was very welcoming, kind and genuinely lovely to my DD, especially some of those around grandparent age who didn’t seem to have any grandchildren of their own. I’m not religious. Would it BU of me to attend the church anyway, so that my DD has some contact with older people in the community? I’m not a believer so I’d feel like a bit of a fraud

I personally can't see any harm, churches are generally welcoming to all in the community and would love for new people to visit and find them.

I’m not religious. But I attend events at our local church, I love my community. I sometimes visit the church by myself because I find it peaceful.

None of anyone's business why you go. The sort of person who would criticise you is no Christian.

That's fine, unless you lie about it you are not a fraud. Anyone can go to church.

Absolutely not! At the end of the day, she'll be brightening their day and I'm sure they'll be making hers too.

Of course, I've come across some members in churches where they don't like visitors unless they're interested in joining but then that doesn't make them very good Christians at all does it?
If you're worried, you could always speak to someone there afterwards or if they have an activity day during the week? But I'm sure they'd be more than happy for it.

I go to church regularly and would welcome you and your DD warmly - as would most of our congregation. My only bugbear is when people turn up for a service (normally a baptism) and don't respect the rest of the church - so no joining in with the hymns/responses, standing chatting through the service with no shoes on, having photographers take random photos of the congregation.

The vicar at my local church always says "attend whatever your beliefs, I don't recall Jesus turning anyone away so neither shall I". He is a great vicar and a lovely man! I'm sure yours will be just as welcoming

I'm a minister, and I and my congregation, would be happy to have you and your daughter join us in worship and for other church events.

I always work on the basis that the people in church, even those who are members and have been attending for years, are at different stages of faith. Some I know, do struggle with their faith, and others, well, I suspect they come out of habit, or to be part of a welcoming caring community, or ... There are as many reasons for being there as there are people there!

And I think you are right about the people of grandparent age. Some of them might not have any grandchildren, and others might have grandchildren who live far away, and they don't get to see them very often. They'll love being able to get to know your DD and be part of her church "family".

More than fine. I work for a church and we would love to have you along even if you never thought about becoming said religion and said so to our faces.

How old is your DD?

It would definitely be okay to go. And all those lovely grandparent-types will really enjoy getting to know your DD.

Check their notice boards, our local church has lots of different community type get togethers open for anyone.
With it coming up to Christmas, they'll be having Christmas fairs for example, carol services of song singing, you say you have a young dd, depending on how young she is they'll more than likely have toddler groups as well. You can join in with any of them.
It's for all the community.

Thank you for the replies, it’s reassuring to know you don’t think I would be being unreasonable.

My DD is 6 months.

I have lots of friends so she has them in her life but they are all around my age, and I think it’s such a shame for her not to have a mixture of people from different ages/backgrounds in her life. I feel so guilty when my friends talk about the relationships their kids have with grandparents and other family as I can’t give her that. It really upsets me. Sometimes it really gets me down.

While this wouldn’t replace that at least I’d be doing what I could to let her get to know some older people. And yes, I’m sure she would be brightening the day of some of the older ones. Thank you!

As a strong atheist who would never take my DC to church I say YANBU. Churches are usually good communities of older people and as such they do confer social benefits. In your circumstances it sounds ideal if your ok with it. My experience is that churches are quite welcoming and would love to have you in the fold with an eye to you converting. My only advice is that when the time comes dont ever 'force' your DC to go there.

Have you checked if there is a 'sunday assembly' (or equivalent) in your area? They provide the same community service, events, rituals etc as a church but without the religion.

Isn't there a saying that the church exists primarily for the benefit of non-members?

I’m assuming you’re asking about church services?

If you continue going in the long term, how would you feel about your daughter potentially developing a faith and all that could entail?

Depending on the denomination, it could mean at the very least baptism and communion. Would you be supportive of that?.

Nice post from Seeingadistance.

I think as long as you're to some extent open minded about the religion in question it's fine. If you actually have negative feelings towards the religion or think it's all really wrong or stupid it would seem weird to go. But obviously the fact you like the people and the atmosphere of the church so much suggests that wouldn't be the case.

www.contact-the-elderly.org.uk/

You could volunteer with this charity and attend/help organise an afternoon tea party for isolated older people once a month?
So you are mixing with older people and doing some good at the same time

There will likely be small very local charities doing something similar.

I also wouldn't worry greatly about your daughter not having grandparents around. I didn't and it really isn't that unusual. I can't recall many schoolmates regularly seeing grandparents except one who was picked up by his gran. - big city, so lots of people move here and so are some distance from family.

So it might be nice to build friendships with new people but don't worry unduly that your DD will be damaged if you don't.

In the church I go to, there is at least one friend of mine who does not hold Christian beliefs but attends regularly because it's nice for her and her kids to be part of that community and meet up with local people. She was quite open about her beliefs /lack of beliefs when we first met at church, more than 10 years ago.

I don't think anyone has a problem with this.

Her kids haven't been confirmed etc yet, but may be in the future if they want. They certainly won't be pressured to do so by the church. I think kids are usually fine with knowing that there is a range of beliefs and possibilities.

My friend feels it gives her a bit of peace and headspace once a week. She has some general spiritual beliefs but they aren't Christian as such. Her kids enjoy the activities.

All churches (as far as I know) like having people along, especially kids.

This is a C of E church - not sure how other denominations feel about this. I get the impression that Catholics are a bit more hardline.

I would also say that church is GREAT for babies. Mine used to love it. Twinkly lights, music, singing, lots of people cooing over them. And it's open on Sunday. And it's free! What's not to like?!

When they got to be toddlers they would go out into the aisle during hymns and have a little boogie, much to everyone's amusement.

I'm Catholic. Anyone is certainly welcome at the church i go to

No problem at all, they'll make you very welcome! And there will be activities midweeks you could go to with your baby DD, as has already been said.

And it will definitely give pleasure to some of the older folk that go there. My MIL lives a long way from us and we don't see her often, and she misses her DGCs. There are many people in her position.

Yanbu

I'm not religious but I go to church a few times a year with friends or Brownies. Everyone is welcoming, nobody stands at the door asking why you're there. The churches I've been to have all been very tolerant of small children as well, so don't feel bad if DD makes some noise, that's what babies do.

My religious friends don't care about anyone attending as long as they're respectful. They complain about people chatting through services or taking a picnic! they would be happy to welcome you and dd

Thanks again for those views and perspectives. I would be looking to educate my DC on a range of different beliefs (including atheism) and would be very happy for them to decide for themselves what to believe in. If they decided to be baptised then I would be supportive.

I will look into the other options mentioned about charity organisations and also a Sunday assembly (never heard of such a thing but will check it out).

And to the poster that mentioned being wary, yes, if anyone was insistent upon converting or pushy then I would stop attending. I would normally be worried about this, but when I attended the event last week I was told I would be welcome to attend their events without being a member (they put on a lot of community events). I probably wouldn’t attend the actual service but I’d love to attend the other activities and I’d be happy to help out if they needed an extra pair of hands eg baking for their bake sales etc.

Im no religious scholar, but I say you can be spiritual and not religious, and find comfort in the sense of faith and history that radiates from churches, and so while you do not believe in the story of Jesus Christ, you do believe in the community, kindness and eternal bond to the future and past, that christianity is based on.

So feel free to go to church.