To attend church when not religious?

[SmellyXmasCheese]

I have a young DD who has no grandparents as they’ve all passed away, and no uncles/aunts/cousins. I recently attended a one-off event in a nearby church and everyone there was very welcoming, kind and genuinely lovely to my DD, especially some of those around grandparent age who didn’t seem to have any grandchildren of their own. I’m not religious. Would it BU of me to attend the church anyway, so that my DD has some contact with older people in the community? I’m not a believer so I’d feel like a bit of a fraud

Not being judgey, a pre-requisite for independent faith schools is your child is baptised & you attend Mass now & then. There's a pecking order from 1-8 I think with children in care being band 1 & baptised catholic children band 2.

Just out of curiosity why would you raise your kids Catholic if you're atheist? I'm honestly interested. Do they believe in the Catholic Church? You say prayers before bed etc?

The more I think about it, by all means do the church thing, but the group a PP mentioned sounds really good, especially since she is so small. I'm sure she'll get a life time of knitted cardigans bless her.

That is a really good idea, the old people get a cuddle, Mum gets 30 minutes with a cuppa to chat. I don't know if it's just me but I admire old people. I love their stories etc.

I grew up in a religious household but have become a firm atheist. I am sad that my DC don't get to experience the church community that I did growing up as I really did get a lot from it. I would also like the sense of community that you get from belonging to a church. But attending wouldn't work as I am very clear on my total lack of belief. If you are more uncertain I would give it a go, churches are delighted to see new people and it does give a great layer of extra support.

Mum - how old are your DC? For you can you acknowledge that the bible is a good book? Even if you don't believe it being put into practise. If your DC are young they'll see God as this Father/Grandfather figure. Until Y6 most churches have Sunday School, it's more about teaching moral lessons over Fire & brimstone.

I would say because you don't believe you don't have to be vocal about it in church. It's the well meaning if that makes sense. A lot of people who go to church every Sunday don't have the same faith as say those that can't go as they're ill or too elderly. Faith is something you apply to every day life, not just an hour on a Sunday.

Going to church when I was younger there's a lot who fall into the category of I'm religious because I come here every week. But week days they're not pleasant at all, if that makes sense. Like the old lady so pious for that hour but goes mental as your DC are learning to ride their bike on the footpaths. Or the guy who is pious at church but is vehemently racist. Not Christian behaviour at all.

You can hear a bible reading at church, say something is worrying you, or you've got a problem, listening to that reading gives you clarity of mind on occasion. You don't have to believe. Plus you can say to DC God is watching you, when they're having a ratty day. (That just came to me, can't think I've ever done or said it!)

I was brought up catholic and decided to baptise my children but choose the Church of England for various reasons but one being how friendly and down to earth the vicar is.

I think I'm on a journey with my faith and not sure what I believe. My children get exposure to different faiths including Muslim neighbours which has actually made taking them to church easier as the neighbours children go to their equivalent on Sunday school etc so my children are aware of the differences and different festivals etc.

I have really really enjoyed going to church as the children have made new local friends, there is a strong sense of community, when we bump into people at the shops etc, they run a brilliant toddler group which the older people run, who are all experienced parents / grandparents. It's been so welcoming. And my children associate church with fun and their friends, and slowly as they learn more about religion at school they understand more about what everything means

I'm a Catholic and attend church with my son. Nothing wrong at all with what you are doing, lots of people go for the social aspect. I enjoyed it very much as a child. Just beware that in a Catholic Church you can't have things like communion etc unless you are a Catholic. Good luck to you!!

As long as you are not lying about your faith, nothing wrong with it in my view.

Being brought up as casual attender in church it was expected you would eventually join the faith. If you dont you are frozen out. Children are the hook, is it really worth the gamble?

Our chirch is full of people marking attendance for school places. Go if you enjoy it.
Our groups are also run by a bunch of mc mummies collecting school brownie points, myself included 😁

I'm an atheist, but come from a religious family. I baptised DS for their sake (didn't really want to, but did it in the end, as it did not harm either), but we've not stepped to a church since.

I'd be feeling strange supporting something I disagree with on almost all levels (bar the social/community support one). I'd rather go to old people's homes with DC and do something good for lonely elderly people there. Some have nobody to visit them regularly and have no access to places like the church. Also, you'd really make their day. Also, get in touch with charities in your area as most will have befriending services for old people living alone or similar.

This way DD will meet adoring people, you'll make new friends, feel better about yourself and teach DD about doing good deeds. The church is among other things inherently misogynistic and science/history twisting tool to manipulate the masses. However open-minded you and accepting you are (I am too), I would like to protect DC of such influences as long as possible. They'll unfortunately be fed enough of it in school. Even in non-denominational schools. And NOT in a way that makes clear that e.g. the Christmas story is not indisputable fact instead of a nice, culturally significant story everyone should know.

You are always welcome in church!!! That’s the whole point of the message of Jesus!!!

I wouldn't do it myself but that's because I'd be bored to bits by the services anyway (I only attend a church for someone's wedding/funeral, when I will always behave politely). I don't think there's any harm in attending for community reasons. There have always been plenty of people who attend religious services because it's a community/cultural thing for them rather than them actually taking the supernatural/imaginary friends aspect at all seriously.

There's also the fact that if you do find yourself/DC coming under uncomfortable pressure to commit or join in more than you want, you can just stop going. Unlike in the 17th century, it's not a legal requirement.

I think you will feel uncomfortable going long term if you have no interest in the faith aspect. That's supposed to be the point of church.

I believe it's not bad to attend church even if your not religious. Our existence is comprised of the physical, mental and spiritual and we all aim for balance. I don't really refer to any religion but just a spiritual factor that's important in everyone's existence.

I think you will feel uncomfortable going long term if you have no interest in the faith aspect. That's supposed to be the point of church.

Church activities are there for everyone, they're for the whole community.

The way I feel about Church (well, Church of England primarily) is that I'm not wholly convinced anyone ever overthinks the God bit, but it is nice to participate in the traditions and focus on the spirit of it all, without worrying about who takes it literally and who doesn't. Between an agnostic who acts in a "Christian" way and a believer who acts appallingly badly, I think I know who is the better person.

So if you are helping to bring joy to older people by socialising with them and exposing your son to grandparent figures he doesn't have, it all sounds positive to me. I expect God would approve.

It is a sad indictment of British society that people attend church primarily for a sense of community. Where I'm from originally people attend church for many reasons. Faith, searching for meaning to life, because they are expected to, to bolster their image, maybe even their self-image, but no-one goes to church because they lack community. Church for fun and company when you don't believe and you're not even open to believing? Probably only here in the UK!

Churches will welcome you. No doubt about that but Christians are commanded to share the gospel. So yeah, they will try to 'recruit' you eventually. The type of church will determine how gently or persistently they go about it.

I think there is a risk that you will be teaching your child hypocrisy, that it's ok to pretend to get what you want, etc. Why not volunteer to visit some lonely elderly people? There are good schemes around.