To attend church when not religious?

[SmellyXmasCheese]

I have a young DD who has no grandparents as they’ve all passed away, and no uncles/aunts/cousins. I recently attended a one-off event in a nearby church and everyone there was very welcoming, kind and genuinely lovely to my DD, especially some of those around grandparent age who didn’t seem to have any grandchildren of their own. I’m not religious. Would it BU of me to attend the church anyway, so that my DD has some contact with older people in the community? I’m not a believer so I’d feel like a bit of a fraud

I have always been somewhat agnostic but I got my children baptised as I had been when I was small. I was told about the children's groups that run during the service and thought I'd give it a go. There are loads of families at the church and I really enjoy being part of the community. I had found it hard to make local friends before but I now have several good friends from the church. I volunteer at the children's groups and help out with other events. I've found myself getting involved in a lot more charitable things than I might otherwise have done. As far as my own faith goes, I'm still not sure exactly what I believe, but I enjoy the services, especially the music, and find it all quite uplifting.

Absolutely, go.

My experience of going to church is that all are welcome. You don't need to be a believer in god to go and you don't have to be a Christian to agree with the morals or teachings of the religion. I think itll be nice for your DD and the congregation.

My grandmother went to church every Sunday and helped out at various events during the week too. She was very much a pillar of the church community all of my life. I remember when I was in my early 20s I was quite shocked when she told me that she didn't believe in a Christian God, but she just loved the community!

Not at all, I'm not Catholic and neither is DH but I actually got my children baptised and take them to mass sometimes. It's a lovely community

I always work on the basis that the people in church, even those who are members and have been attending for years, are at different stages of faith. Some I know, do struggle with their faith, and others, well, I suspect they come out of habit, or to be part of a welcoming caring community, or ... There are as many reasons for being there as there are people there!

YY to this ^^

I’m a Christian- sometimes a better, more committed believer than other times. Good churches are welcoming and offer opportunities to think, and reflect- you can get a lot out of it even if you don’t think you “believe”.

Have a look to see if your church runs a Messy Church session - these are perfect for community & babies/young kids getting to know older members of the congregation. My DC have always got a lot out of it and love the older friends they’ve made!

I'm Catholic and my kids sometimes go to services or activities in Church of Scotland both are very inclusive, people go for a variety of reasons. So if you feel you want to go then do go.

A few years ago a friend and I ran a church youth group. We went to a conference and were asked how many of the children were Christians. We both replied that we'd never asked them, they were young people who needed a safe place to hang out.

Take your child and get involved if you wish to.

I'm really interested by these responses: I attend a number of church-run events (sales, playgroup etc.) and have always felt a little sad to be an atheist as they seem such lovely communities and everyone is friends. I would feel too hypocritical to attend an actual service, however; I recently went to a christening and was very aware of some of the regular congregation getting irritated by the 'swan in swan out' attitude of the (normally non-attending) parents.

I am so glad to hear it’s ok by many Christians. I’m not religious but I take my children to church activities because they like it.

My parents were both staunhc atheists but we went to lots of church things as children. We lived in a small village and there weren;t many activities. So we went to Sunday school where we di lots of craft and singing etc - with a religious theme but we loved it. I don;t ever remember being asked if I was religious. We also went to Brownies which in those days I believe was faith based (I imagine it is multi/no faith nowadays). And I went to something called Crusaders when Iwas older - mainly because my friends did - we sort of chatted about moral dilemmas and religion came into, it was run by the vicar.

So I'd say go - warm friendly places are to be sought out and embraced whatever your beliefs.

I am also very surprised , in a good way, by the positive responses here. i have always found it a shame that non believers don't have access to that community spirit.

I agree with the others, it sounds like a great idea. We don’t have a big support network and I have found the very local baby/ toddler groups useful, rhyme time at the library and toddlers at community centre. We have found an extended support network through those.

I'm very curious about what you mean when you refer to your church, GoldenWandering? What's your connection to it, is it your local parish church? Obviously churches vary. Most churches I know are very welcoming and friendly and have groups for the local community like mums and tots or groups for the elderly. You don't have to go to the church services if you're not comfortable to do so.

There are some events worth attending at Christmas, eg carol service, Chrisdingle, children's Christmas party, that sort of thing. The church we used to attend had Santa come to the Christmas party.

I'm sorry you've been made to feel uncomfortable at your church, that wasn't right at all.

Yes, if you want to go, go! Nobody's business but yours why you want to go.

Do you think you have the propensity to believe? Also will DD believe or not? I ask that as if she goes in not believing there could be some very awkward questions. Like Mummy says there's no such thing as God!

Are you going to teach DD the real meaning of Christmas from the Christian perspective?

I would say the best day to go would be Christmas Day for example, when a lot of the old people might not see anyone again after the service.

It's not like you are becoming a priest. It's fine. Religious communities like church congregations are about much more than just communal worship.

You have to see it from others point of view, it's a two way street. If you go to church then I'm guessing you need to be open to her form her own beliefs.

School will educate her on different belief systems.

You say I'm going to tell her about all faiths (but atheism isn't a faith) so if she was all Mummy I want to be a Muslim would you go down the local Mosque?

It seems like when she gets to a comfy age you'll say to her oh I don't believe because wars, poverty, illness etc. Why would God allow that? (Free Will - plus Adam & Eve) So I'm guessing, maybe wrongly that you don't really want her to have the faith, just lots of old people who adore her.

In which situation I would say why not visit an old people's home as they're usually really quite lonely. It's the same premise minus the belief.

Unless you say that you are open to possibly being a Christian, if your head is turned.

Sorry just to add, to the poster who said DH & I aren't Catholic but I got them baptised and we show our faces occasionally. Is there perchance a decent Catholic school nearby?

Not sure how young your dd is, but in our town the local nursing home run a toddler group. The older folks get to snuggle the cute babies and the kids have loads of toys to play with and the oldies get to watch them play. It's always lovely and warm in the room, with lots of tea it's a really good group and I love the concept.

inlovewithliz Yes, and I admit that with no shame. God gets it We do more than show our face occasionally, the school they attend is IN the church, we have attended all the church playgroups, fundraisers etc and friends with the Priest.

Whoops, posted too soon! We all believe in God and I'm happy to raise them Catholic. We didn't have to attend mass to get them baptised/into the school, it's a very relaxed church with a very relaxed Priest. Judge away but I'm not embarrassed and I'm pretty sure God would be fine with it

You'd be welcome at community events at my church. However...I'd have to second what a PP said. If you keep appearing, they will start to try and draw you in further ( they'd think there was a significance in choosing a place of worship to fulfil yours and your daughters needs) If you did attend services e.g. for the Sunday school aspect but didn't engage with housegroups Etc to explore faith then you'd be an outsider. I'm sure it depends on the church and people can say " well that's not very Christian etc" but that's the way it is where I am.

I would definitely say enjoy it too. The church is used to go to would at some point want you to contribute in some way and that can get a bit tricky - I found myself in the church what felt like a full day a week helping with events, plus a monthly meeting for the parish church council. But I was never very good at saying no.