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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New Colleague seems to hate me! Why oh why?

57 replies

Rockandrollstar · 26/11/2017 22:47

Dear MN,
I've name changed!
Posting here for traffic - it's not an AIBU really.....
Started a new job about a month ago.
Lovely team. Everyone very welcoming & all helping me learn the ropes etc...
Just one person (female) seems to have a major issue with me from the start....she never looks me in the eye, never instigates a conversation, whispers with my other colleagues & seems to hate me being there!
She's the opposite with everyone else-so super friendly & lovely.
It's my first new job in about ten years & feels like I'm back at school!
I have tried to be friendly, ask her questions, say thanks for helping me (when she does she seems very passive aggressive!..)
Now what? Finding it hard to be friendly with someone so snippy! I sit opposite her so impossible to ignore her!!!!

OP posts:
Stitchit · 26/11/2017 22:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 26/11/2017 22:57

Find a reason to talk to her I would!

SabineUndine · 26/11/2017 22:58

Did she apply for your job?

munkynutts · 26/11/2017 23:00

Are you goodlooking? Some women get a bit weird around attractive women.

Mince314 · 26/11/2017 23:03

I'm dealing with a very similar issue atm. Woman is nice to eVERybody else, so everybody else thinks she's lovely.

It's hard but I've decided I won't flatter her by letting on I"ve noticed or that I'm bothered. I will be nice to everybody. Eventually everybody else will like me. Her weird plan to exclude me won't work.

Some people are so weird! Brew good luck.

gingerclementine · 26/11/2017 23:03

Sabine might be onto something. When DSis moved house, everyone in the new place was super friendly except one family - turned out they'd tried to buy the house too and were jealous.

Just act as though it doesn't affect you, and act as though she is being as friendly as everyone else, but don't try to ingratiate yoruself to her, just stay professional.

Italiangreyhound · 26/11/2017 23:03

Can you ask her to go to the canteen for lunch or coffee, do it in earshot of others and she may say yes, chat and see if she reveals anything concrete about why she doesn't like you.

If you feel this is impacting your work then you could have a word with someone in HR who will ask you how things are going. If you really want to get to the bottom of this you could ask them to facilitate a meeting. I;d say this would be a last option.

You could kill her with kindness, find out her favourite cake and bring it in for your next birthday or your two month anniversary in the job!

Good luck.

wednesdayswench · 26/11/2017 23:07

I would carry on as normal and not try to confront her about it, she will eventually come around. Also don't take it personally, maybe you remind her if someone who annoys her or she secretly wants your job, whatever reason she has taken an instant dislike to you will soon fade away as she gets to know you better.

SpiritedLondon · 26/11/2017 23:14

A few years ago I experienced the same issue after joining a new team. I had only worked with men and I was really looking forward to working with Some women but I had quite a hostile reception from one who really soured the whole thing for me. I think it was some kind of queen Bee syndrome... just didn't like having a younger woman around. She was a complete bitch to me and I just tried to avoid her. Eventually we made a kind of peace with each other but I saw lots of bad behaviour from her directed towards other people so I never trusted her. A couple of years later she applied for a job in a department where my brother worked and pretended to him that we were great buddies. Sadly she did not get that job!

custarddinosaur · 26/11/2017 23:24

I'm wondering whether she applied for your job too. Either that, or she was really close friends with the person who left, and whose job you are now doing.
I was in a similar situation once, and eventually discovered that the person being obnoxious to me was annoyed because I'd 'taken the job away' from her mate who had also applied for it. They didn't get it and I did - and she blamed me.

moutonfou · 26/11/2017 23:39

I find that people like that almost certainly are like that with other people. You just may not see it.

I just joined a new team. Even though I had only moved departments this one person was very hostile and basically assumed I had no knowledge of anything and didn't know what the 'done thing' was. So it could be a bit of that. You can only combat that with actions, by providing that you do know what you're doing, and that just because things have been done a certain way doesn't mean they always have to be.

At first I also wondered if I was the only one, but as I've settled and gained people's trust, they've also disclosed issues they've had with her.

Greebz · 26/11/2017 23:51

Could be jealousy - did she apply for your job?
Or jealousy over something else - are you younger/slimmer/taller than her? Is she jealous of your marital status or if you've got kids?
Could be something more random like you look like her OH's ex or something?

Greebz · 26/11/2017 23:52

I would say than a lot of the time it is jealousy in these situations! Killing with kindness is kind of fun if you like that sort of thing!

Original poster
Rockandrollstar · 27/11/2017 07:01

Thank you everyone!
Jus seen all the replies... Got to get ready for work now - let's see how delightful she is today...
Good point about her going for my job-I wonder... Did not think of that!

OP posts:
BhajiAllTheWay · 27/11/2017 07:06

So many PP saying exactly what I'm going to say. Bet it's a job she wanted..or a mate wanted. I had this. She was horrible all the time to me and everyone knew as she shouted it from the rooftops. Nobody dared confront her. The HR was a young girl ( small company) who was scared to death of her and could do nothing.I left eventually. Good luck OP

Original poster
Rockandrollstar · 27/11/2017 08:43

Oh my god!
I got to work & she actually rolled her eyes when I asked how her weekend was! Then silence ... How RUDE! Hmm

OP posts:
munkynutts · 27/11/2017 08:46

Rocknroll I'm usually really direct in situations like this.

So me personally I would corner her, and put on my most mournful face and say something like: "Hey X, I just wanted to ask if I've done something to upset you? Because it feels like I have and its really starting to worry me".

Fekko · 27/11/2017 08:47

'That bad then? Shaaaaaaaaame! Mine was brilliant.'

RemainOptimistic · 27/11/2017 08:49

OP her attitude says zero about you. It is all about her. Ignore, ignore ignore the weirdness. Carry on as if it's not happening. Other people will see the weirdness too!

Sweetpea55 · 27/11/2017 08:53

Make sure everyone can see the way she treats you.

wowfudge · 27/11/2017 08:54

When I first started my job, I was opposite someone who was a queen bee. She was fine when she felt she had the upper hand, but once she realised I could do my job well without her, she became really difficult. I stopped trying to be her friend and just kept everything professional and polite. In the end she left - not down to me, I hasten to add.

With the eye rolling, you need to immediately react with, "why are you rolling your eyes at me?" and that puts her on the spot and tells anyone who can hear what she did. I would just ignore and only talk to her about work when you have to. Maybe mention the rude eye rolling incident to your manager at some point today.

wowfudge · 27/11/2017 08:55

And keep a record of incidents involving this charmer - emailing yourself is a good way to do it as it date and time stamps things too. That way you have evidence should anything kick off.

AlternativeTentacle · 27/11/2017 08:56

There is often someone like that. Best thing to do is be marvellous and just let them get on with whatever it is they think they are getting at.

Mxyzptlk · 27/11/2017 08:59

My guess is a friend of hers wanted your job, or she wanted it herself.

I knew someone who almost resigned from their job because of constant nasty remarks from a colleague whose friend had also applied.
Luckily someone else intervened and told the nasty colleague to knock it off.

Just keep doing as you are and don't take the nastiness seriously.

TatianaLarina · 27/11/2017 09:04

I would take her on one side and ask her if there’s a problem.

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