To be bothered that colleague didn't accept my friend request?

[moutonfou]

I've started working closely with a new person at work and we get on well. I saw on Facebook that she had others on the team as friends, so presumably didn't have any issue with adding work people. So I requested.

She never accepted and Facebook is now giving me the option to add her, which I presume means she actually rejected it.

She is acting just the same towards me and it's never been mentioned but AIBU to feel kind of rejected? It wouldn't bother me if she had nobody from work on there, but she has others who I'd consider on a similar 'level' to me in a working relationship sense.

It's putting me on edge and making me wonder if her nice behaviour towards me is just for show and she actually doesn't like/trust me or something. I know it's pathetic to worry about Facebok but there you go. Maybe just sharing will make me feel better.

YABU!

Do you feel better now?

Maybe she only adds people she’s known for a while.

I have lots of lovely colleagues who I really like at work. I Ignore or don’t accept friend requests. My Facebook has 40people, family and genuine friends only, no colleagues. I’m just not interested and only wish to have people I really trust on there. I know I have caused offence in the past but I don’t follow the made up Facebook etiquette! So don’t worry, it doesn’t mean they don’t like you: they probably just don’t know you well enough!

This is why I never add anyone. I am not friends with some people from work. It does seem odd that she has others on Facebook. Leave it be.

Ah don’t let it get to you man. I know it can be a bit of a twist in the guts but some people are weird about social media. She may not feel she knows you well enough yet to allow you into her personal life. I’m really weird about work people, it’s taken me around 3 years before I feel comfortable enough to let them on.

I don't add colleagues as Facebook friends. Ex colleagues yes, but not current ones. It doesn't mean I don't like them. It's just something I prefer to stick to these days.

My colleague doesn’t accept any work colleague friend requests (I’m an exception we’re very close)

I do, then whack them on a restricted profile 😂

Don’t take it personally. I like everyone at work but they ain’t seeing my rants or me in my skimpy stuff in my second job teaching pole😂 (I am probably doing them a favour)

Maybe she knew them before/knows them outside work?

Facebook is social. I think of LinkedIn as being more for work colleagues.

I actually did this when I started a new job.

It didnt post the meme

Yes it did grrr.

I'm the same as sibceyouask: ex colleagues I consider friends are ok but I never add current colleagues.

The thing is, I was adding another member of the team at the same time (who'd actually encouraged me to), and didn't want the first colleague to see that and wonder why I hadn't added her too!

So now I feel like a fool for being polite! Facebook etiquette is bloomin exhausting.

For all you know, she may have accidentally clicked no to your request, or lent phone to DC to play on and they clicked no, or accidentally clicked yes on other colleagues and now regretting it... or she might know that her relative teaches at your kids school so prefer to keep a distance... or a number of other reasons. I wouldn't worry.

If she has other colleagues but not you then yes, I can see why you're bothered. I'd be bothered. But it's just FB - it's how you get on in the workplace that matters, and if she's fine there I wouldn't dwell on it too much.

I did this. When I joined my company a woman in our office added me. I didn't add anyone else as I didn't know them very well. A new lady started and she added me so I thought I'd add the other 3. None of them accepted me which was really weird. It made me realise though that I would have nothing in common with them out of work and they've turned out to be idiots anyway. I deleted the first woman because I realised she was only looking at mine to be nosy. Second woman I genuinely get on with.

I have a few colleagues on Facebook but these are people I socialise with outside of work and I've know them for a long time. A couple of newer people have added me and I just blocked them. It's not personal I just want it to only be for real friends. I don't want to have to worry about what I post or am tagged in.

I never ever request anyone's friendship anymore on Facebook for this reason. If they request mine it's fine, I add them, but no more friendship requests from me.
I used to find people I know from real life lurking about and checking me out on Facebook but when I sent them a request they ignored me. They are the worst fuckers. They have the cheek to spy on me for months but when I offer them a place on my list they suddenly disappear as if caught red handed. Twats.

She never accepted and Facebook is now giving me the option to add her, which I presume means she actually rejected it.

I thought that these days if someone rejects you on facebook you no longer have the option of trying to add them again and the add friend button just disappears .

I used to find people I know from real life lurking about and checking me out on Facebook but when I sent them a request they ignored me

How did you know they were checking you out?

First world problems. [Faints]

OP I would stop worrying about it. Maybe those folks are on there from ages ago, when she first went on Facebook, and she now regrets having them on there. I did that. Joined Facebook about a decade ago, added everyone I knew and then realised it was a bad move. I didn't want them to know all my business and I wasn't interested in their business.

A work relationship is different to a friendship, it may develop into a friendship but it may not.

Just accept her friendliness at work and don't stress, really truly no one is obliged to accept anyone on Facebook regardless of what they have done in the past.

moutonfou "...and didn't want the first colleague to see that and wonder why I hadn't added her too!" So you did your bit, you included her and she may or may not decided to take that up at a future point.

"So now I feel like a fool for being polite! Facebook etiquette is bloomin exhausting." How is offering friendship on Facebook making you look foolish? It's not. You are stressing about it and that could make you look foolish if you put any pressure on your colleague to accept your request. So please don't, just let it go.

I can see why you are bothered. Personally I dislike having work colleagues on my FB page. I worked with a bunch of gossipers though and not people who were genuine friends. I accepted a couple of them and used get quite down when I saw what felt like the majority of the (very large) office were friends with each other. When I left that job, none of the ones I had accepted bothered to stay in touch so I deleted them off FB anyway. They were colleagues not friends.

Work colleagues are just that. Wait until you form a proper friendship with her and then decide if you would like to friend her on FB.