To be bothered that colleague didn't accept my friend request?

[moutonfou]

I've started working closely with a new person at work and we get on well. I saw on Facebook that she had others on the team as friends, so presumably didn't have any issue with adding work people. So I requested.

She never accepted and Facebook is now giving me the option to add her, which I presume means she actually rejected it.

She is acting just the same towards me and it's never been mentioned but AIBU to feel kind of rejected? It wouldn't bother me if she had nobody from work on there, but she has others who I'd consider on a similar 'level' to me in a working relationship sense.

It's putting me on edge and making me wonder if her nice behaviour towards me is just for show and she actually doesn't like/trust me or something. I know it's pathetic to worry about Facebok but there you go. Maybe just sharing will make me feel better.

I think FB friend requests do potentially show up some 'new friendship' subtexts that you might not have been aware of. I knew somebody at a toddler group who ignored my friend request despite having at least 8 or 9 other people from our same group on her friends list. She'd always been friendly and we used to have good chats, but it alerted me to the fact that there was obviously some reason she didn't want me on there. I wasn't insulted, it was not like we were ever going to be best friends - but it was a good cue to not invest too much energy in her direction!

Littlehenrylee rather than restrictive lists, I have a list of friends which includes everyone except work friends. If posts are very general I share with everyone; if it's more personal I only share with the 'not work' group. That way if the work group look at my page, they think they're seeing everything but that I just don't post a lot, when actually there's a lot they're not seeing.

The irony is that sometimes I regret even adding work people to my FB as it makes me self-conscious about what I post, but now I've added some it feels rude not to add all.

Clearly the colleague who rejected me feels differently!

She may have reformulated her social media policy in between friend requests. I have accepted requests in the past few months that I would not accept now.

@moutonfrou

The thing is 'rightsaidfred,' she had added her direct report, who only started 12 months ago, and she doesn't see outside work. So that puts paid to 'maybe she has a close relationship/has known them for years/added them years ago/only adds peers'

I'm not sure I 'get' this.

You said you just met this colleague, as she was new (last week I gather...) And yet you're miffed at the fact she has not accepted your facebook friend request, but she has someone else on her friends list, who she has known for 12 months . That is quite a long time, and certainly enough time to forge a friendship. It's not like she only met her at the same time she met you.

I think you are investing way too much time and energy into all this, and maybe the neediness is coming across in real life, and that is why she is reluctant to accept you on her facebook friends list.

Re what @littlehenrylee said. Although it's only happened (to me,) with 2 or 3 people out of around 100; I am also a bit puzzled when someone puts me on their restricted list (so you can't see any more than someone who isn't on the friends list at all.) They think you don't know they have put you on the restricted list, but you do.

One woman did this to me, even though she was the one who sent a friend request to me. I was a 'normal' facebook friend for a couple of days, and then she downgraded me to the 'restricted' list! (She was a colleague of my brother's who I sort of knew, having spoken to her a few times and she seemed OK!)

I was puzzled but not bothered, and I just did the same to her.

My dh fb looks a bit like this but the staff he has on fb he knew before they all worked together so he might have Sarah Jane added but he won’t accept Joanna smith because he wasn’t her friend she’s just a work colleague.

Your colleague sounds sensible. I won't/don't use FB and confess I don't understand why it's so crucial to add a colleague if you are not friends outside of work. Actually I don't understand the obsession with FB at all.

I have one person i work with on Facebook - only because we are friends outside of work.

I never add anyone and always reject requests, it’s just not me i have very limited Facebook anyway, i am not their friend.

I have one colleague in my facebook. I don't think my other colleagues realise that we are also neighbours as well as our kids attending the same school, we don't chat about this much at work due to A. she's much senior to me so we're not particularly social IN work, and B. It's actually her husband we know best, he is a SAHD who we mainly arrange playmates through.

It's really none of our other colleagues business why we are Facebook friends.

"I am also a bit puzzled when someone puts me on their restricted list "I

I do this for people I don't know well but need to contact to arrange stuff, e.g. If I'm arranging someone else's hen or birthday or car shares that kind of thing

I hope this doesn’t sound stupid but it your profile pic/name clear on Facebook? I knocked an ex-colleague back twice on Facebook because she had a minion as her profile picture and was using her married name (different name for work). It was when she added me a third time I realised we had people in common and it clicked.

I’m in the same situation! Except I messaged her today to say to remember to accept my friend request or she is in big trouble! Was in a joking way and I sent it in the moment when me and a few other colleagues were talking about it. No reply to my message and she still hasn’t accepted the request. She is friends with the rest of our team on FB so I don’t know what her problem is. It should annoy me but now I’m really frustrated and feel like an idiot at the same time! Any advice!