Was I unreasonable to message the PTA chair about my children being given presents for wrong age group at school fair?

[YreneTowers]

This is a minor incident and I'm not at all angry or upset, and I understand how hard the PTA works to put on events like the Christmas Fair.

In the interests of full disclosure, I went to the PTA meetings, Christmas Fair planning meeting, helped send letters to local businesses about the fair, helped design a game stall, purchased prizes for the stall, volunteered for half an hour to run the stall and volunteered for another half hour in Santa's Grotto, taking tickets and ushering families through to see Santa.

When my relief at the grotto arrived (call her Betty - she's the mum of a child in DC2's class and also a neighbour, who I have known for several years to chat at preschool or school gates with) a group of children I didn't know (not Betty's kids) came in with her, who I assumed were there to see Santa. I explained which presents were for preschoolers and which for older children as quickly and discretely as possible so I didn't spoil anything for them, and went on my way.

A few minutes later, I took my children in to see Santa. They loved it, but I was surprised to see the kids who had come in with Betty still in there. I realised then that Betty must be babysitting and had brought them along to watch.

I realised quite quickly that Betty was handing the gifts meant for preschoolers to Santa, for my DC1 (8) and DC2 (4). I pointed this out to her as discretely as I could - there were plenty of the gifts meant for school age children left. Instead of correcting the mistake, she kind of rolled her eyes at me, and thanked me for pointing it out, but didn't swap the gifts in her hands for the correct ones and handed them to Santa.

I didn't complain any further, but when we got out had a chat with my children to manage their expectations about what was in the gift. They were disappointed but not upset.

Was I being unreasonable to message the PTA chair to let her know the mix-up happened, and to ask how it can be avoided in future?

The gift for school age children would not be suitable for under 3 year olds as it has small parts and would be a choking risk.

Use blantantly obviously different wrapping paper.

So In the Night Garden for preschoolers and some older cartoon for big kids.

The chair isn't the person you have a problem with, It's Betty.
I think if you'd been a bit more insistent with Betty rather than being polite then you'd not be this cross. Emailing the PTA chair won't change what happened.

That isnt a message I'd have sent to be honest. Its a free gift and no biggie. Choking risk likely to be non existent as u3 yo would not be opening a gift alone surely??

YANBU to be concerned - I think the bigger concern is pre-schoolers potentially getting presents that are choking hazards for toddlers.

I think that ideally a message to the PTA chair should include suggestions for how to prevent similar mix-ups next time - e.g. maybe label all presents as “age 0-3” “age 4 and over”, or maybe get something that would be suitable for both age groups like a selection box.

FlouncyDoves -that's a good idea. I was thinking more of having labelled sacks...

Wren, as I said, I'm not cross. Just looking for a way to prevent the issue again.

Plus I thought me arguing with a Christmas Elf and Santa would have spoilt the experience more for my kids than them getting a colouring book and crayons they're too old for instead of the gift they didn't know existed.

I don't see why Betty having children with her is anything to do with anything. Maybe she was kindly bringing some children she knows with her to see the Christmas Fayre?

Out of interest, what presents did the 8 and 4 yr old receive?

Your first sentence completely and utterly belies the rest of your post.

You sound frightful. And I imagine you'll complain to the head of the PTA anyway. Probably won't be for the first time either.

I find the first replies to your OP baffling. Betty is a cow and a rude twat? For what? Making an innocent mistake (maybe you didn't point out the piles clearly enough?) and then rolling her eyes when you went "discretely" Zilla on her?

Do you actually know it happened to any other children other than yours?

Because if it did, not-important mistakes happen. Next October/November, just suggest wrapping them in different coloured paper d'oh. If it was only your kids, then surely the 8 yr old is already on the way to realising that Santa was actually Brian from number 9 and not actually Santa so wtf does it matter?

So next year you are going to volunteer to do the Santa's grotto and ensure all volunteers know the score with the presents? No thought not!

As an ex pfa secretary I can tell you that we would have apologised profusely and given you a replacement present. then described you as that parent who whinge about a £3 present from santa for ever more.

If you had attended meetings you'll know how much work goes into organising school fairs. Often with a small core of parents who are run ragged tting to bring it all together.

It's a school fair not Harrods Xmas grotto.

Why didn't you just swap the presents yourself?

I would have been quite happy to know about something like this when I was chair of the PTA. We had a great brunch on the committee at the time and parents who volunteered were also really helpful. I certainly wouldn't have labelled a parent who pointed out a small issue as a whingy parent.

PS the reason they didn't reply is probably less to do with them drinking, and more to do with them rolling their eyes, showing the email to everyone around and saying "sheesh, that woman"

Are your children damaged for life? Will anybody else's be? Will Betty be quite upset if word reaches her about how you're going on?

Well then.

A great brunch? Bunch. BUNCH.

So Betty was dressed up as an elf. Were you when you were helping. Elf's are known for making silly mistakes. They are so busy!

I don't understand why didn't say "wrong presents Betty etc etc" and wait to she changed them. Not make a scene obviously and be nice but all this "being discreet", there isn't a child in the land that thinks the school fair/shopping centre Santa's are Santa. I don't get why you let your kids, and assuming two other preschoolers who end up with older kids presents, be disappointed when you could have just waited for Betty to stop eye rolling and change the presents

I don't understand why some people have given you a hard time.
You and Betty both volunteered for an event, you showed her the separate presents available, she made a mistake then got arsey when you pointed it out.
Over here in normal land most people I know would have said, "whoops, cheers mate" and we would have moved on because nothing really happened.

Actually, I think children receveing the wrong present from santa is a massive deal. These children would have been so excited & ( possibly? ) meeting santa is the highlight of their Christmas - coming out with a ‘in the night garden’ book when you’re 6 will be disappointing. & you can’t expect this age group to understand ‘mistakes hapoen’

We always put names on them. Precisely because one year we had a Know’s Best Betty swan in for her stint one year and fuck it all up in half an hour despite a clear system.

Our Knows Best Betty had form though. The teachers wouldn’t let her volunteer for anything at all in school ....they got smart

Where did Betty get arsey? Where was Betty a cow? Or a rude twat?

Betty rolled her eyes. (which let's face it, is a lot less than the head of the PFA is going to be doing)

They should bring back hanging, they really should.

I couldn't imagine being particularly bothered if my school age DDs got pre school age presents, it would be a bit of an anti-climax but no big deal. But I do understand the OP's concerns about choking hazards for toddlers.

The attitude of the other volunteer was disappointing though.

Hobeydragon - there's always one if those!

If you paid for your children to see Santa I don't think it's unreasonable to expect an age appropriate gift!

Ptfa is there to raise money and if Santas gift are rubbish people won't spend on the grotto next year.

Damn right LEM.

Correct form isn’t to email the chair op. You should have pointedly sorted it out in front of her and then dumped the kids on a craft stall and found a couple of other volunteers to snipe about Knows Best Betty with.

Why on EARTH is OP getting a hard time?

She gave up loads of her time to help the PTA and organise the event, and make sure it runs smoothly on the day

Then someone screws it all up because they can't follow a simple instruction AND is them rude when gently reminded how it should be working.

No children have been scarred or harmed but why have such low standards and expectations as to assume that is the best case scenario, just so someone can avoid engaging their brain a tiny bit?

Again, I'm not complaining. I was just wondering if messaging the PTA chair to let her know was out of order.

Perhaps that was, and I'll apologise for it if she's off with me about it.

The message was to make her aware so we can think of ways to avoid it happening again.

Of course you can complain about volunteers on the pta.

Op I’d have mentioned it to our chair in passing Betty can do something more straight forward next time