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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

hubby ruined dds birthday present surprise!

88 replies

Lisajane2810 · 25/11/2017 15:32

its my daughters 14th in a couple of weeks and she wants the obligatory ipad for her birthday. i managed to get one and it was delivered yesterday and hubby took the box as i was at work. he the left to go to an appointment and left it there until daughter got home from school. it had a label on the box on several places saying rose gold ipad so she now knows exactly what she is getting. i know shes not a baby but we had the excitement going as to whether she would get it as money not great at the moment so cant get her anything else. he got back from hospital around midday so had plenty of tme to hide it. he is actually shouting at me because im upset with him. dd going out to sleepover tonight and im furious!!! am i overreacting??

OP posts:
TempletonTreeThorpe · 25/11/2017 16:17

I think you are over reacting

overnightangel · 25/11/2017 16:21

Nice to see you’re more concerned with something so frivolous as an innocent mistake rather than his hospital appointment

Original poster
Lisajane2810 · 25/11/2017 16:25

it was prearranged to be delivered at 11 and a routine blood test at hospital clinic. i would have been more understanding if some important appointment. i would have been with him!

OP posts:
MorningstarMoon · 25/11/2017 16:29

YABU mistakes are easy to make

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 25/11/2017 16:29

yes he is usually thoughtless
he doesnt usually get involved with the presents

I hope he's not one of those incompetant husbands who often makes these "little" mistakes. Or that he doesn't leave it up to you to think of the presents, go out and buy them, wrap them up, (in other words do all the thinking and the work) but present them as from both of you equally?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 25/11/2017 16:30

If you don't stop being angry, OP, your husband will continue to respond in kind... and then that lovely present will forever me marred for your daughter every time she looks at it.

Really, stop it. It's one thing to have a vent in your annoyance but you really are overreacting and this isn't a tragedy. Next time, if it's that important, have it sent to a collect+ depot or make sure that you're home yourself.

longtompot · 25/11/2017 16:30

Accidents happen, but when my dh bought me my ipad several years ago, I was not expecting it and it actually made me cry. Silly, I know, but I had wanted on for a while and really thought we couldn't afford one. I am sure your dd will get over her disapointment and will still love it. My dd bought herself an expensive present for her 18th this year. It arrived about a month before her bday but she was still thrilled to open it as she hadnt actually seen it (I checked it was ok when it arrived), so yours will still have that excitement.

AnneTwacky · 25/11/2017 16:35

Parents fighting over her presents being left out for her to find is bound to make your poor Dd feel awkward and will put a bigger downer on her birthday than finding out what her present is a couple of weeks early.
You need to let it go.

ptumbi · 25/11/2017 16:40

You feel as if you have to 'control' everything? Even other people's emotions and deeds?

She will still be excited to get an iPad at 14 - surely it's the use of the iPad rather than the looking forward to?

And as for shouting at 'hubby' - just No. Not on.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 25/11/2017 16:45

What disappointment, longtom? If she was disappointed that she saw her birthday present early, she'd be a bit of a spoiled brat, don't you think?

TheStoic · 25/11/2017 16:52

So he had one job and he couldn’t manage it?

And now he’s yelling at you? What an attractive partner he sounds.

Time to put it behind you now and move on for your daughter’s sake though.

SammySays · 25/11/2017 16:57

I’m with you on this one OP, I’d be very annoyed too! I don’t think YABU to feel so disappointed but try to forget about it and move on, you are just upsetting yourself and what’s done is done. I’d be fuming too though, surely it’s common sense to hide it away!

isseywithcats · 25/11/2017 17:04

Must be a man thing so far my other half has ordered for himself a motorbike sat nav, i was going to get him one for christmas, so bought him some motorbike handcuffs instead, he has just walked into the front room to say hes bought himself some, so i had to say cancel them so now he knows what hes getting for christmas already, so hard to surprise him, and i am smiling at him through gritted teeth

LizzieSiddal · 25/11/2017 17:11

Yes it's a tad disappointing that your dd is not going to get a big surprise but really, in the scheme of things IT DOES NOT MATTER.

Stop getting annoyed and angry and just let it go! I hope you haven't let DD know how upset you are?

Straycatblue · 25/11/2017 17:11

If it was an isolated incident then it would be upsetting but not something to get worked up about for long, but it sounds like it is "straw that broke the camels back" so to speak and that he is often so thoughtless that you feel you have to "control" things.

It doesnt sound healthy to be honest for you or for him and it sounds like this is just a symptom of a larger problem of compatibility in your relationship that you need to either address together and work on coming to some sort of agreement or it will just keep chipping away at you both.

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 25/11/2017 17:15

Eh it was an accident. I don't think he plotted against you and decided to leave it there on purpose.

GU24Mum · 25/11/2017 17:16

Of course you could still surprise her by leaving the ipad til Christmas and swapping it with what you were going to give her then......

My DD wanted a phone last year (well, for ages before in fact)..... I hid it in the house and instead wrapped up something very boring (it might even have been a school jumper) with a note in it to say that if she managed to be polite about that, she could have the clue to where the real present was.

So, it's not all lost - plenty of fun to be had yet!!

supersop60 · 25/11/2017 17:17

The number of times I have had to say "don't buy yourself anything just before Christmas"!!!
DD has just bought herself some earrings.
And OP - I get it. Even though your DD had asked for it, she still wasn't sure she would get one, and opening the present on her birthday would have given her a lot of pleasure. Now, not so much.

LockedOutOfMN · 25/11/2017 17:18

He was thoughtless and careless and needs to apologise to both of you.

user1471439727 · 25/11/2017 17:26

Surely it wasn't worth all this drama.

pisacake · 25/11/2017 17:30

yabu to spend £619 on an Ipad if you don't have much money.

Topseyt · 25/11/2017 17:33

It was thoughtless but not malicious.

I'd have been annoyed and said something like "Look what you did you silly arse" and then let it slide. It really isn't worth the bad feeling that ensues if you spin it out.

Your DD will still be delighted with it, I am sure.

Let it go now. It isn't worth the aggro of a real falling out.

PeppersTheCat · 25/11/2017 17:38

why the hell is HE shouting at YOU?

FitBitFanClub · 25/11/2017 17:39

I'd be furious too. I put a lot of effort into Christmas gifts and thinking of surprises and little twists. I'd be extremely pissed off if his one contribution was to accept a clearly-labelled parcel at the door (so he obviously knew what it was) and couldn't be arsed to put it away somewhere. I mean, it's not rocket-science is it?

Original poster
Lisajane2810 · 25/11/2017 17:45

ive done a lot of overtime at work to pay for it and yes she probably had guessed but wasnt 100 % sure. well thesres nothing i can do now. will get her a nice case. i do love spoiling her this time of year but she will get nice things and SURPRISES for christmas so will try and calm down!!

OP posts: