Aib a knob or would you be annoyed?

[BatteredBreadedOrSouthernFried]

I keep in touch with a former colleague meeting up for coffee or lunch every now and then. Haven’t seen her in a while but bumped into her last weekend and she suggested we go for drinks in a local bar this weekend. I’m a lone parent and DCs dad isn’t involved so I said I would ask if my mum could babysit and let her know. Mum said yes so I let friend know and she replied that she had an appointment in the morning so we could meet for coffee afterwards. I was a bit confused as she definitely said drinks and named the bar but anyway my DCs have a hobby they attend on Saturdays at lunchtime so I said I could meet at 1. She said great we could have lunch. Then she text later asking to change the venue to another town as her friend has a stall at a craft fair and we could have lunch then look around the fair. I checked with my mum if she could collect Dc from hobby which was fine and confirmed with friend and Said I would be there about 1.15 as was travelling from where Dc club is. Then tonight she text asking if I could come at 12 as she had forgotten she had arranged to see another friend at 2. I said I couldn’t as no-one to take DC earlier and she said ok she could order for me and we could eat quickly. I’ve never been to the place we are going so have no idea of the menu. Have looked online and they don’t have it on their website or Facebook page. I don’t really fancy eating what someone else thinks I’ll like or eating it quickly. I was looking forward to seeing her but now it all feels very rushed and not the relaxing catch up I was hoping for. I feel like saying I can’t make it and rearranging for another time.

Yeah cancel. But seeing as you were looking forward to a grown up night out, ask your mum to sit and fix a date with reliable friends.

She’s a selfish cow and she’s no friend of yours either. She didn’t forget she was meeting someone else at two, she’s booked that subsequently or I’ll eat my hat. Whether she has kids of her own or not is irrelevant, she’s rude and flakey. Dump her, move on and go out for a proper drink with a friend who actually values your company.

She’s taking the piss.

I’d have replied ‘oh, no, can you not do the evening at xx bar now? I organised a babysitter!’ In the first place.

This.

She’s taking the piss and you are letting her. Do you have other friends? Ones that don’t treat you like this!

How rude! I would politely decline!!! Xxx

You can tell she has the selfishness and lack of understanding of someone who hasn't got children

This is a nasty, patronising attitude. An inconsiderate friend has nothing to do with whether they have children or not. There are plenty of selfish people around who have children (as well as those who don 't).

I think it's probably time to let this friendship go altogether. I'm getting a sense that she thinks of you as some sort of obligation or her Good Deed ('Poor BBSF-No-Mates, I'll squeeze her in somehow, she'd have no social life at all if not for me...).
If you don't have many other friends, it's worth trying to find some more.

You can tell she has the selfishness and lack of understanding of someone who hasn't got children

How bloody rude. You may have kids but you certainly don't have manners.

You said you don't want to piss your mum off with chopping and changing.
Your friend doesn't seem worried about all the chopping and changing and whether you're pissed off.
Yanbu to be pissed off.

Tell her what you can do, I can meet you between such and such, or go out for drinks in the evening from such and such a time, and I can do it in the following places....blah blah. Don’t let her dictate the plan! If she can’t fit in with what you can do, arrange for a time that she can.

If you go ahead with meeting tomorrow you can guarantee she will find some other reason to cancel or change plans on you.

Say ‘to be honest I can’t keep re-arranging childcare for these ever changing plans. If the original plan, evening drinks at xx is off, let’s leave it til you are less committed ‘

"Too much work on badgers recently."
Quote of the week :o

Your friend is being thoughtless. You have childcare to arrange and she keeps changing plans.

I’m sorry she is messing you about as I know how much a night out with adults and cocktails means when it’s a rare treat, but I’d cancel and tell her why. You was looking forward to a proper meal, not a rushed event and the plans changing meant you no longer have childcare now.

She’s being an arse - say look this idea isn’t going to work - how about going with the original plan to have drinks at x bar ?

You can tell she has the selfishness and lack of understanding of someone who hasn't got children
Another poster piling in to, um, query this statement. What a ducking thing to think, let alone say.

Yanbu

Thanks everyone.

Yes she does have form although never to this level of changes! I have friends who have no children and they are all generally quite considerate of my need to plan childcare so I don’t think it’s anyting to do with having no kids.

I'd cancel and explain whybut I wouldn't end the friendship over it.

I don't have kids because I didn't want any. But if I was planning to meet up with a friend who did have kids, I'd be extra careful to work around her and stick to what we agreed.

Have you cancelled yet? I want to know flitty friends response!

I’d just reply ‘I can’t do that. It looks like you’re really busy this weekend, let’s catch up when you have more time’.

Definitely make some other plans for this weekend if your Mum is happy to babysit!

She's an annoying flake.

But Is she someone who doesn't have kids?

How offensive. It's not only people with kids who know how to behave regarding social arrangements, you know. I have no children but I don't piss people about like this.

yorkshireyummymummy and cheapsausagesandspam

Suggesting someone is selfish or clueless because they don't have children is very rude and hurtful.

I've been badly messed around like this in the past by a friend who has children (and no, it wasn't due to childcare issues). So did I assume it was because she had children? Of course not. It was because she was being a dick. Same applies here.