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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How social media can come back to haunt you.

110 replies

JustHope · 23/11/2017 09:27

So a little known YouTube star has been kicked off I’m A Celebrity because of comments and messages he sent in his teens. Also recently other stars such as Stormzy have had to apologise for comments made online when they were a lot younger. While I don’t condone what they said or did, I find it pretty alarming that things that people posted when they were young and naive can come back to haunt them many years later. It seems a bit unfair.

AIBU?

OP posts:
MissionItsPossible · 23/11/2017 10:13

He could have gone through his twitter and deleted old tweets surely

What difference would it have made? As soon as something's on the Internet, it's there forever.

Ffsdh · 23/11/2017 10:14

Oops sorry thesecondof I’ve just noticed he’s actually retweeting stuff. Ignore me!

HalfShellHero · 23/11/2017 10:15

i agree its unfair i cringe at some of the stuff i posted while younger.

WildBluebelles · 23/11/2017 10:16

Without sounding dramatic, I think Twitter has been the worst trend in this decade

Agree. It's scary how easily it can be used to absolutely destroy a person's life and reputation on the basis of one idiotic comment. Yes, some of the comments aren't great, but if said off-twitter, people would forget about it soon or just think you were a bit of a tit. Now, you can tweet something offensive thinking you were being funny and your entire future is changed. Such as that silly girl who tweeted about AIDS in Africa before getting on a plane and when she got off it, realised she was the most hated person in the world.

Until about 2011-2012, homophobic slurs and disablist slurs were tolerated a lot more than now. Obviously most decent people wouldn't have used them at the time, but there would not have been the strong condemnation that there is today (I think it's good that we condemn it by the way). Therefore, the time at which tweets were sent does need to be taken into account because the zero tolerance policy has not been around for as long as we thing.

grannytomine · 23/11/2017 10:17

I've never heard of him but those tweets are nasty. He might have been young but he was old enough to know better. Kids have killed themselves because of abuse online so I think any teenager needs to be careful and younger children need to have someone keep an eye on what they are doing. Is there any age restriction on twitter?

Madreputa · 23/11/2017 10:18

When people tell me I sad something in the past I ask them When did I say that? Then they say something like Two years ago Then I say Exactly. It was two years ago. I have changed since then. Can you comprehend that?

therealposieparker · 23/11/2017 10:19

I remind my child daily that what they say on line can be used against them so if they're going to say stupid things... say them, don't ever commit them to text!

grannytomine · 23/11/2017 10:23

Madreputa do you realise that something you said to someone two years ago might still affect them today?

My DD was bullied by girls of 10 and 11, ten years later she was still badly affected by what had gone on, 15 years later the damage isn't obvious but it is still there. Don't underestimate the damage you can do when you call someone ugly, retarded or other insults.

grannytomine · 23/11/2017 10:24

Therefore, the time at which tweets were sent does need to be taken into account because the zero tolerance policy has not been around for as long as we thing. I think that defense has been debunked by the sexual abuse/harassment scandal.

SeaWitchly · 23/11/2017 10:24

"honestly, I don't know many 17 yo boys who haven't asked to see a girls tits on cam."

What a low opinion you have of teenagers.

I agree Angela, this is disgusting behaviour... especially when followed by trying to shame the 14 year old girl by calling her ugly and a bore online for all his followers to see.

I have 2 sons and would be horrified if they had such little empathy and common decency at age 17 [so not a child] to think this was an acceptable way to speak about anyone.

I also think Dan Wooton needs to have a long hard look at himself for being a 34 year man in the public eye who thinks using the words 'retard' and 'slut' in his public communication is in any way okay.
I would add that the newspaper he writes for needs to get to grips with one of their commentators acting this way but I see he writes for 'The Sun' and so it is probably the norm for that knuckle dragging publication.

SeaWitchly · 23/11/2017 10:26

I am not saying those words are okay for private communication either btw... but there is something particularly brazen, oblivious and unpleasant about publishing public tweets using that sort of sentiment and language.

makeourfuture · 23/11/2017 10:28

I googled the last Pope, dude was in a Nazi uniform....

grannytomine · 23/11/2017 10:30

SeaWitchly Dan Wootton was retweeting the other guy's posts. Dan Wootton has been criticising what the other one had been saying (sorry can't remember his name, is is Jack something?)

FlowerPot1234 · 23/11/2017 10:31

Butterfr33
I don't know many 17 yo boys who haven't asked to see a girls tits on cam.

ShockShockShock

Pitiful. Absolutely pitiful.

QueenThisTime · 23/11/2017 10:31

I think this past few years has been a bit of a test for social media and people will eventually wise up a lot more. It's also important to teach our kids now to be extremely careful what they say and do online, including never, ever sending nude photos etc to anyone for any reason.

I shudder when I think of things me and my friends used to say. A friend used to talk about cripples and other rude words for disabled people – he had a disability himself and it was part of how he and his disabled mates joked about it, but he could be hauled over the coals now if it was on twitter (he has a public profile and could easily lose his job).

I remember repeating a racist joke I'd heard when I was at university. I was a very lefty, bleeding heart type and I related the joke in a context of "I heard this awful joke, I'm so shocked at how racist it is". But the context would not survive if there was any record of that. I would never, ever do it now, I'd be much more circumspect and aware of how it could be taken. But I was 18 and naive. I am SO glad we weren't all expressing ourselves online.

It's often said that children are cruel - and still as young people many can be mean and/or have very poor judgement, until they learn more empathy or at least good sense. I'm not condoning people saying unacceptable things but I agree it is really worrying that people can have their lives destroyed in this way.

Butterfr33 · 23/11/2017 10:33

@SeaWitchly

I'm 25 now and when I was a teenager, MSN was the massive social platform. I had tones of 'friends' most of which were boys. I'd say around 90% asked to see me tits or to do something else on cam.

I'm sure their mothers thought of them as decent lads too. Which in reality they were it was just a stupid things they did at the time.

ArcheryAnnie · 23/11/2017 10:33

Not excusing his comments to the girl but honestly, I don't know many 17 yo boys who haven't asked to see a girls tits on cam.

Good god. Perhaps it's time we started cracking down on it, then?

The80sweregreat · 23/11/2017 10:34

Its scary these dayas how things can come back to haunt you and i am glad I didnt have all this technology when I was young! ( and silly)

diddl · 23/11/2017 10:35

"I don't know many 17 yo boys who haven't asked to see a girls tits on cam."

I know that this has been picked up on, but good grief do we have such a low standards for teens?

How has it become that people think that this is acceptable ever?

ImAMarshmellow · 23/11/2017 10:36

The actual reason for him being kicked of was sending dodgy messages to a 14 yr old when he was 17 asking for pics of her boobs....

He has 1.2 millions YouTube followers, wouldn’t class that as unknown.

BattleaxeGalactica · 23/11/2017 10:46

He's not an ingenue. He makes his living from the internet. He has an agent. He went on a reality show knowing his online past would be raked over and knowing that reality shows can make or break a career. Not at least attempting to cover his tracks is a sign either of immense stupidity or immense arrogance. Take your pick.

Butterfr33 · 23/11/2017 10:54

Do those of you with teenage boys who are 17/18 yo who regularly use snapchat, fb, twitter etc. honestly believe that their son has never asked a girl for a dirty pic? Really?

Honestly I think half of MN is deluded most of the time.

ReanimatedSGB · 23/11/2017 10:56

What is particularly worrying is the way that the concept of '-phobic' language is being used to trash people: there's a bit of a difference between an entertainer saying the sort of generalised, lazy, unkind things that most of his/her peers would have said, five or ten years ago, and people who eg joined in one of those awful pile-ons of sending threats to others/barrages of targeted abuse.
Also, I don't think moral perfection can be expected from anyone. A lot of talented, creative people are at least 'difficult' (short-tempted, arrogant, self-obsessed) but not necessarily monsters.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 23/11/2017 10:56

I’ve just googled him and it seems he also used a large amount of racist (the word that the average ten year old knows never to say) and disablist language. It looks pretty vile. He was aged between 16 and 19 at the time.

He’s only 22 now so really wasn’t that long ago.

The thing is - he has built his career on the stuff he did at that age - on the fact that he was a cool, fun, nice guy. And now it turns out he wasn’t so cool, wasn’t so fun and definitely wasn’t very nice. So should he have that career in the first place?

WildBluebelles · 23/11/2017 10:58

I think that defense has been debunked by the sexual abuse/harassment scandal

Sadly, in the early to mid 00s (and possibly later- I don't know as I was too old by then), it was entirely common for young people to call each other 'retards' and to use the word 'retarded' (especially in American slang). People in their mid 20s were using the word 'gay' to mean stupid at least up until 2010 or so without people raising much of an eyebrow. I am NOT saying that asking a 14 yo to see her breasts was ever acceptable- I was only referring to the language he used in his tweets. It was pretty unpleasant but I bet that is how he and his friends talked to each other at the time.